Hey guys. My name is Jenna and I'm 22 and engaged. Before nursing school my fiancé and I were fantastic but a year into nursing school (with a year left) it has been entirely difficult. We both knew it was going to be really hard, but it's to a point where we have no energy to keep trying. School has brought down my bubbly personality and demeanor and has sucked the energy from me. All my fiancé and I do is fight probably because we never see each other and when we do I fall asleep. My question to my nurses and nursing students is, how do you save your relationship during nursing school? How do you have a successful relationship? This is so hard for us. Things at enjoy going well.
I was in a long-term relationship in college, too, and was afraid to break up with him because I didn't think I'd ever have time to meet anyone else or that anyone would want me anyway. Yeah, well, I totally know how dumb that sounds (and is), but 22, despite how you feel at the time you're in it, really is young and stupid. :)
So, that said, I am dead certain sure you will completely ignore my advice, beentheredonethat or not.
Neither of you are who you will be as older adults. If you can't honestly look at him, right in the eyes, and see yourself with him at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, then you will (not might, will) both benefit from some time apart while you get out of this period. Do not fear this. A mature relationship, such as you need in a good marriage, would weather this storm without the drama you're describing. You two aren't there yet.
THank you for your input! The thing is, is that, I love him more than anything. And I want to make things work with him. So, because of that we want to fight this and make it work... together. Thank you again! :)
Thank you to everyone who has posted their advice on here, all of you have been truly helpful! This is definitely hard for many many students who are in my position. A lot of the times it tests our strength, love and faith. In my own position, I know God will get me through this and His plan that he has for me will be more than I could ever dream. I just have to remember there is a bigger picture in all of this.
Thank you to everyone who has posted their advice on here, all of you have been truly helpful! This is definitely hard for many many students who are in my position. A lot of the times it tests our strength, love and faith. In my own position, I know God will get me through this and His plan that he has for me will be more than I could ever dream. I just have to remember there is a bigger picture in all of this.
What I admire more about you right now, is your faith....and I encourage you to keep this attitude, cause at the end of the day, God sees us through it all. After we do our part, he does the rest. When you feel weary, just ask Him to carry you, and you and I both know He will.
Hopefully your boyfriend will understand....you two will find some balance and your relationship will not go down the drain.
I agree 100%. My fiance doesn't seem to understand how difficult nursing school is but he knows it's difficult to me. However, I do find myself repeating, "Yes, honey, I would rather go hang out with you and friends but I need to study." He accepts it and moves along, until he forgets again :)
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Thank you to everyone who has posted their advice on here, all of you have been truly helpful! This is definitely hard for many many students who are in my position. A lot of the times it tests our strength, love and faith. In my own position, I know God will get me through this and His plan that he has for me will be more than I could ever dream. I just have to remember there is a bigger picture in all of this.
You've gotten some really good advice on here, and I hope it sinks in. I was engaged at 21, and married my last year of nursing school. My then-husband didn't get it . . . didn't understand that I needed to study, that I needed to take the car to drive 30 miles to clinicals (and he could take the bike to ride 2 miles to work), didn't understand that my tuition was due on or before the due date, not a few days later (because he had a really good "opportunity" that he just couldn't pass up), didn't understand that I needed to study or that classes really weren't optional. I wish I had been as mature as I thought I was because I would have noticed how immature HE was.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone. If they're not mature enough to work on the relationship, it's not gonna work out. No matter how much you love them, they love you, or how hard YOU work on it.
If your avatar is your picture, you're very attractive. However, you've given us your first name, your user name is probably your last name and we have your picture as well. That's way too much information. Please change both your user name and your avatar -- this site isn't like FaceBook -- we tend toward more anonymous here.
As many before me have stated, a relationship is by no means an easy thing. A lot of compromising, that is for sure.
However, you must keep one thing in mind, YOUR EDUCATION. You need to tell your fellow to buck up and get through it as this is an important milestone in your life. It will probably be one of the most stressful times in your life as well. It takes a lot of effort and energy to get far in nursing school and that probably means, time away from him. I think if you continue to be honest with everything, any sensible man would be respectful of that.
Plus, it's good to work it out as you need a good support system. Nursing school does things to your nerves and body like no other. I am in my going into my last semester and I am already dragging my face and going brain dead. However, it's nice to have a support system to get the stress off my chest.
If all fails and your fellow just does not seem to be meeting you halfway and somewhat understand what type of situation you are in. Then you are the one to make the decision of whether you want to continue down that path and deal with it as you go to school. Or some other path where you can concentrate fully on school.
Specializes in peds, neonatal, hospice, fertility.
I have been in my relationship for 9 yrs almost and I feel like if me attending nursing school is going to " ruin" my relationship then I am better off without her! I love her to pieces but this is something I NEED to do for my future and our daughter's future!! So in response to you, take it from someone who WAS married young, I was divorced young as well and trust me if he can't make it through 1 more yr of nursing school, then he certainly will not be able to handle marriage, children, and work. Once these things kick in your time isn't yours anymore, it is shared with children and other obligations where time spent will be made and not just there freely. Good luck!!
I'm just taking Pre-requisites, and it's hurting my relationship also because all I do is study. He needs to understand that nursing school isn't just going to school and studying but it's becomes a lifestyle, which becomes about of his life, and to respect that your trying to better yourself. He is your fiance so he must really love you and needs to love that part about you. Time management really is everything if you want to succeed in anything which in our case is both a relation ship and school. I wish you all the success in both! Keep you positive! It will pass, you will succeed, and be just fine!
I had to cut my relationship loose about a year into nursing school. I remember studying one weekend and he came in wanting me to drop my books and take our daughter to the emergency for a MOSQUITO BITE. Yeah, you heard that right.........a mosquito bite in the dead of summer is a medical emergency of which I must drop everything to tend to. I knew right then and there that he had NO intention of seeing me finish nursing school and very shortly after that I was finished with him.
You all have been wonderful with your responses! Thank you again. My fiancé is maturing as the process of nursing school progresses. Him and I both have weaknesses to strengthen, we've chosen to stay together and work on this. He truly is a patient and understanding man; there are times where it does seem to get really difficult, but he said he will continue to work on it. He's very supportive and encouraging. I also need to work on my own patience and need to put more energy into our relationship as well. If both truly love each other and want it to work they canals it work with the guidance of God and true love. It will continue to be a difficult road to follow, but it will be worth it ALL in the end. All of us are meant to go through tough times, but also meant to get through them. Be strong, have faith, believe in yourself and keep a positive perspective and be the light in what always seems to be darkness around you. Thank you all. God bless. ❤? Matthew 19:26
I know this is a very important matter to you, but I can't help but think of my brother, an officer in the Navy, who has a wife of 18 years and four children, and is deployed for months on end. My sister in law, though she misses her husband, vowed to be with him through everything. And she is loving and loyal and his biggest advocate. So when I think of my brother's situation, your couple of years of nursing school pales in comparison. You agreed to marry this man. Did you two take that lightly? Was not enough thought perhaps put into this engagement? If he can't handle you being in school, how is he going to handle it when you are working, perhaps opposite shifts? You have one tough decision to make.
I know a lot of break-ups and divorces that happened when I was in nursing school. What's a couple of years compared to the rest of your life? Yes, it's very hard to have a relationship or any kind of social life in nursing school. Not many people understand this because nursing school is a completely different kind of school. You can't see your boyfriend every day. You two are just gonna have to realize that seeing each other like once a week is reality. And you have just 1 more year. It'll all be worth it in the end.
jarielle22
120 Posts
THank you for your input! The thing is, is that, I love him more than anything. And I want to make things work with him. So, because of that we want to fight this and make it work... together. Thank you again! :)