Nursing school is killing my relationship!

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Hey guys. My name is Jenna and I'm 22 and engaged. Before nursing school my fiancé and I were fantastic but a year into nursing school (with a year left) it has been entirely difficult. We both knew it was going to be really hard, but it's to a point where we have no energy to keep trying. School has brought down my bubbly personality and demeanor and has sucked the energy from me. All my fiancé and I do is fight probably because we never see each other and when we do I fall asleep. My question to my nurses and nursing students is, how do you save your relationship during nursing school? How do you have a successful relationship? This is so hard for us. Things at enjoy going well.

Thank you for any input and advice!

Sincerely,

Jenna

My boyfriend is one of my biggest supporters right now. Yes in the beginning he wanted to go out and he would get a little agitated when I had to decline, but we had to really sit down and talk and now he won't let me leave the house until he sees most of my hw items checked off (keep a dry erase board in my apartment). Lol he even helps me study...he understands how much becoming a nurse means to me... So we both had to make a bit of a sacrifice. And remember to tell him, it's only temporary...

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Specializes in LTC, Rural, OB.

I honestly would suggest getting some kind of couple's counseling if possible. Less than 6 months after I got married, my husband moved 3 hours away for school and I only saw him on the weekends. We started fighting a lot whenever he was home and knew we needed to find a way to better communicate with each other. We were able to get some counseling, I think 6 sessions, and it helped us to communicate effectively. When I started school only a few months after he got done with his schooling, he got a job offer 2 states away. We have been living apart most of our marriage but we still manage to talk to each other at least once a day and I see him on every break. Good communication is the biggest part of keeping the relationship strong. When things change drastically, such as going to nursing school, if you don't know how to communicate effectively, things can fall apart. This is when your relationship is tested and you have to find a way to overcome this in order to move forward. Good luck!

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Specializes in Cardiology, Cardiothoracic Surgical.

When I started nursing school, I told Hubs my order of operations would be:

1) school

2) sleep

3) foraging for food

4) our relationship

Once we established that, he understood that if I hadn't done my homework, slept or eaten, it was very unlikely I was going

to be functional enough to hang out with him. He helped out by cooking dinner, not bothering me if I fell asleep drooling on my homework, and the like. We really saw each other a few times a week, and we lived together.

Nursing school will test your relationship mettle, but you will be stronger for it. I started work and we bought a house since I graduated, and we were both like...pffft, we got this.

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Hi I've been dating the same guy through nursing school. We've been engaged for awhile now. It is very hard, but he understands that I'm tired and need time to study etc. We have a long distance relationship and nursing school has severely tested our relationship. I don't get to visit him as often or even talk as often. I can be downright irritable and moody some days. We've fought and I've had days where I cried. Despite this I know we will make it through this.

I keep him up to date about what is going on whenever I can. When either of us visits sometimes our families want in and we can't monopolize each other. We have handled a little bit of everything from family and personal illness requiring hospitalization and missed visits to wedding planning. We both have to make it work. Sometimes when he was getting off shift I was just getting up and we would talk for 15 min. When we can we use skype to talk and play online games together. We watch online movies and countdown the start. We can't cuddle because we're not in the same room, but I can hear when he laughs at the funny parts or gasps at the gory parts.

My advice is communicate what you both need and find some middle ground that while it isn't sunshine and roses(mine sure as hell isn't) is doable until you graduate. Set aside some time, even if its just a few minutes, to talk.

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WOW.

I started my first clinical this January and that was the first thing my professor spoke to us about...this was a total dose of reality.

she said being in the nursing program will determine who is genuinely there for you and who isnt!

and she's right. She said a lot of us may lose relationships out of school. She said it's common.

Whatever you do, your education is more important than your relationship. that is something you will have FOREVER. not everyone is built the same. if it's one thing we would expect, is for our partner to stick by our side, be our relief and encourage us during such a difficult time, as in the end, both of us would be benefiting from the career. If your partner cannot go through the lows with you and understand your pressure and be of support to you, he CANNOT ENJOY YOUR GLORY. If they cant go through the dirt, they cant enjoy the gold.

Right now I am in a long distance relationship. I will be moving when Im done with school. My partner has been encouraging me throughout, especially more now, as I have broken down a lot as school is as hard as it is. He pushes me to study more. When Im on a break, he flies across or I fly, so I can free my mind. He's even made the decision for us to see each other every month rather than every other month. I do not know if it will always continue like this, but Id love for it to.

But if it's one thing you don't need right now, is the extra stress....it will affect your education.

My advice: speak to him. lay your cards on the table. explain the pressure and how you feel. if he's not willing to go through it, let it go....i can guarantee you that you will find someone who deserves you and prevent you with the support you need and accept you unconditionally.

you guys are engaged. if he cant go through this hurdle with you, he's not ready to go through the rest of your life with you! #myopinion

*cyberhug*

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If your relationship cannot "survive" nursing school. It won't survive marriage, mortgage, children and debt. If he is so selfish and immature that he cannot understand and be willing to see the light at the end of the tunnel I would be concerned about life's challenges which aren't so temporary and require more sacrifice.

Marriage is very hard even for those who truly love each other.

It's a good thing to find out now.

Jenna,

I totally agree with what Esme12 said. I have been in nursing school for almost a year and my wife and I recently filed for divorce. She's had serious issues with jealousy and me interacting with my fellow students, who are mostly women. I came to the conclusion that if she's accusing me of cheating with fellow classmates and I'm only one year into this program, what's it going to be like when I'm working long hours with a staff of mostly female nurses? We've tried couples counseling and I've gone to therapy on my own. After all that, I made the decision to leave and focus on the career that we both agreed to when I applied for nursing schools. My best advice to you is that you need to focus on school so that you can be the best nurse that you can be when you get that degree. If you're constantly fighting and dreading going home (like I was), then your mind is not going to be on your studies. If he truly loves you, he'll support you and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Nursing school is no joke and we as nurses and nursing students are the only ones who get that. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. If being a nurse is what you're most passionate about, then put 150% into it! In the end, you'll be doing what you love, earning a good salary and you can figure out the whole relationship thing later. If he truly loves you, he'll be patient and wait. If not, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. Keep your chin up and rock the rest of your nursing program! You got this!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Jenna,

I totally agree with what Esme12 said. I have been in nursing school for almost a year and my wife and I recently filed for divorce. She's had serious issues with jealousy and me interacting with my fellow students, who are mostly women. I came to the conclusion that if she's accusing me of cheating with fellow classmates and I'm only one year into this program, what's it going to be like when I'm working long hours with a staff of mostly female nurses? We've tried couples counseling and I've gone to therapy on my own. After all that, I made the decision to leave and focus on the career that we both agreed to when I applied for nursing schools. My best advice to you is that you need to focus on school so that you can be the best nurse that you can be when you get that degree. If you're constantly fighting and dreading going home (like I was), then your mind is not going to be on your studies. If he truly loves you, he'll support you and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Nursing school is no joke and we as nurses and nursing students are the only ones who get that. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. If being a nurse is what you're most passionate about, then put 150% into it! In the end, you'll be doing what you love, earning a good salary and you can figure out the whole relationship thing later. If he truly loves you, he'll be patient and wait. If not, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. Keep your chin up and rock the rest of your nursing program! You got this!

I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you! I know :/ I'm trying to still work through things with him because we truly love each other and he does try and stay patient with me and school. But I do want to be the best nurse I can be as well which means I'm putting my heart and soul into my career. Thank you for your advice!!

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Specializes in Emergency Room.
As someone who just got out of my 15 year marriage (divorce was final in January), and is in another relationship now, I hope I can offer you some advice. I got married very young. I was your age 22. My ex was not supportive of me at all going to school and thought paying for me to become a nurse was a waste and had me quit school. So I did and worked in retail for a few years until I became a mom. I have been a SAHM for almost 9 years now. Please make sure your fiancee is supporting your dreams. If he doesn't support them now, he won't in the future either. But you have to realize you do need to make time for him also. You have to give as much as you take. He still wants to feel that he is the important one in your life. So please do not neglect your relationship for school. I know school takes a big chunk of time and energy but you can do both.

I am now in a relationship with a man who is so supportive of me going to school He is proud of me. The fact that he is proud and supports me makes me want to work on things with him more. I support him in his projects and he supports me. That is what it is about. We work hard to make things work for us and we make time for us. No matter how crazy things get not a day goes by where we don't talk or text.

So what I am saying is, if you truly love him and want to spend your life with this person, make it work. Have date nights, go out, and spend time being silly. I wish I had known when I was 22 what I know now. Things would have been very different in my life.

Thank you so much for your input. You're totally right I do just need to build up some energy and give it back to him he does try hard in supporting my dreams and being patient. I just need to really separate the two as best as possible.

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Specializes in Cardiac, CVICU.

A nurse once told me, "You are married to nursing school."

You just have to do the best you can and pray for peace. You're almost to graduation!

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Nursing is very demanding when it comes to time. My best advice is to reconsider making a time management plan that works both for you. Good luck.

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Thank you for your advice, yes it does feel I am married to nursing school and give barely any love to my fiance :(. Prayer is powerful and that is something that will help get me through this

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Specializes in Emergency Room.

Time management is my life, I guess I just need to master it in order to make both work! Thank you!

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