Nursing School (how Do You Play The Game)

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I am desperately trying to figure out my clinical instructor. I was called into the deans office for a "tiff" with another student. This student smarted off to me and I replied that I was not her mamma and that she was not going to talk to me in that manner. This student was not even talked to. They said they didn't feel the need, and they felt I was confrontational. They told me that I am frightening and intimidating. I asked how and they couldn't give me an answer other than that I talk loud. I asked if it was because I am 6 ft tall and heavyset? They said it had nothing to do with it and that I made the other students feel frightened of me. I just don't get it. Until this incident nobody has even remotely showed signs of being scared of me, to the contrary, I am sort of the one everybody comes to to ask questions. My clinical performance has been wonderful by their standards. They couldn't critique me on my grades, attendance, clinical performance or anything. They told me that maybe I should just learn how to talk quiet and be less scary. I don't understand. My mother has been a nurse for 30 years and I have letters of recommendation from numberous past professors, doctors and nurses that I have worked with in the past stating what a good person I am, and how freely I give of my time to others.

I feel like I am in a game and if I only had the directions I could finish it. I know I cannot win a popularity contest. I am not a smoocher of the instructor's behinds, and I won't do that.

Is there an avenue I have to help with this situation, or can they honestly kick me out of school because they are intimidated by me? I don't know what to do. I am still in school now, but I don't know for how long. This was geared as a personal attack not to try and help me. If they could have told me to chop myself off at the knees and loose 50 pounds and gotten away with it they would have. I have a wonderful repoir with my patients, this one girl I was assigned to hadn't let anybody touch her since she came into the hospital,(3 days) but she let me turn her and do a physical examination of her decubitus on her bottom.

God somebody please help me. I confided in 2 of my classmates who stated that they were crazy. I am starting to doubt myself as a person.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I hated nursing school for these very reasons. It was not always equal discipline across the board. I used to bite my tongue so much that I thought I would step on it with my feet.

The best I can say for the moment is to let it slide and try not to argue with these silly people. There is so much stress, time, energy and concentration just to make it through nursing school. You don't want to let these people interfere with your dreams. It is too much to walk away from it (not saying you planned to do so) or hand your energy on a platter to another person. It WILL be over one day, and you will be able to look back at all of this and laugh.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice.

I wish I knew how to play too.... I just keep my mouth shut and do what I am told... and pray I have the right answers when I am asked the big questions...

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I'm in nursing school now and I've learned how to pick and choose my battles.

Not WHAT you told the other student that "smarted off" to you, but HOW did you say it? If you told her you were not her momma in a LOUD tone, I could see how they would find you intimidating, especially IF the other student may had said whatever he/she said to you in a joking manner.

You can get your point across to someone without having to "tell them off" or "set them straight". It's all in HOW yous say it. Were you professional about it? Or was it more of a "I dont know who you think you are talking to" type of tone?

This is not a blast against you, I am just asking.

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Specializes in MPCU.

Given that everything you said is unbiased. I think you have a wonderful opportunity. They are not intimidated by your size but rather by your potential as a nurse. Show your nobility. Apologize and thank them for pointing out how sometimes you can be intimidating. They know their accusations are B.S., but if you take the high road, they look like fools.

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My friends and I feel the same way. (we graduate this May and CANNOT WAIT to be done with our supposedly terriffic school!) Our saying is "Just smile and nod, smile and nod" And we thought it was only at our school! Between the several of my friends, we have all been ready to quit - BUT we don't because we are awesome nurses and care about the patient.

Like the other reply said, thank them for pointing this out to you - Be the better person.. And next time somebody gets in your face or drives you crazy "Just smile and nod" while you picture yourself a good nurse with a great job and making bunches of money. (See, when you nod, they think you are listening to them) It's pretty fun actually.

Sometimes people do try to show us somethings that are not exactly perfect either, and they may be trying to point this out to you also, so that you do not supposedly "scare" a patient - But it does not sound like that is a problem. Therefore, just nod and smile, smile and nod next time and do what you need to do.

don't let them drag you down with them.

best of luck.

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Specializes in Ortho, Case Management, blabla.
this one girl I was assigned to hadn't let anybody touch her since she came into the hospital,(3 days) but she let me turn her and do a physical examination of her decubitus on her bottom.

Well...if you're in big and intimidating...that kind of explains why the patient may have let you do that...

I'm not saying that's a bad quality for a nurse to have. Sometimes I wish I was big and intimidating too.

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As a big guy myself I know how that can appear to others....

Be assertive

Try WIN scripts

When you do

I feel/Think

I need you to do this instead

HTH

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Specializes in RN- Med/surg.
Our saying is "Just smile and nod, smile and nod" And we thought it was only at our school!

Ditto this. I learned after my first year to just keep smiling, keep quiet, and keep plugging away.

Exp...my first semester in the hospital...my psych rotation, behind closed doors, one on one with the CI, I was asked to do "self reflection" on myself and discuss any issues I see in myself that would hinder me if I ever chose to work in psych. I honestly answered I had trouble understanding how people who have little money, no job can choose to buy drugs instead of food and a decent life for themselves. I practically idolized this CI. She was INCREDIBLY inteligent. Rotation went fine I thought...finished up the semester on med/surg. End of semester comes...and I get a clinical warning for "being judgemental towards pts" When I questioned it..I was told of the conversation with the CI. When I called her...she basically said "I'm sorry, I know it wasn't in front of pts, but they want positive AND negative feedback about students so I had to use something"

Nursing school isn't always fair. Just keep your mouth shut and learn as much as you can.

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Not trying to make you nervous but students have been removed from the school I am at for their "attitudes". The instructors file it under unprofessional behavior. When we signed all our paperwork the first day of class one of the papers had a section on professionalism, we are even graded on it. So, I think the best thing you can do is take this one on the chin. When spoken to by a student that way, as hard as it is (I have a quick wit and temper that serves me well but also gets my bum into trouble) be the "bigger" person, no pun intended. Don't let those other idiots get you into a position where your schooling is in jeopardy.

GOOD LUCK

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Specializes in Psychiatry.
Given that everything you said is unbiased. I think you have a wonderful opportunity. They are not intimidated by your size but rather by your potential as a nurse. Show your nobility. Apologize and thank them for pointing out how sometimes you can be intimidating. They know their accusations are B.S., but if you take the high road, they look like fools.

One of my favorite lines when someone is critical and I don't want to get into it with them, is "Thank you for that feedback."

Then I walk away. And continue to bite my tongue to keep from saying something else.

Best,

Diane

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Specializes in ICU/ER.

Isnt it frustrating that you put so much time, money and hard work into something and then get criticized for something that is not even related to the actual course work? I felt like in my final semester in school I had one teacher out to get me for personal reasons. I just held my head high, did the best work I could do, and kept all my papers in case I ever got called "to the big office". Now that I have graduated and am working as an RN I still have animosity towards the one teacher, I know I need to let it go, there are just certain people in this world we dont have to like. Period. But until you graduate, you do have to play their game. So do your work, and do good work. Smile and be extra nice to those you like and cordial to those you dont.

Circle the end of semester date on your calender and count down the weeks. Keep repeating that number when things get tough, you will get there. Best of luck.

PS I wish I was 6 feet tall!!!

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