Nursing School (how Do You Play The Game)

Nurses General Nursing

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I am desperately trying to figure out my clinical instructor. I was called into the deans office for a "tiff" with another student. This student smarted off to me and I replied that I was not her mamma and that she was not going to talk to me in that manner. This student was not even talked to. They said they didn't feel the need, and they felt I was confrontational. They told me that I am frightening and intimidating. I asked how and they couldn't give me an answer other than that I talk loud. I asked if it was because I am 6 ft tall and heavyset? They said it had nothing to do with it and that I made the other students feel frightened of me. I just don't get it. Until this incident nobody has even remotely showed signs of being scared of me, to the contrary, I am sort of the one everybody comes to to ask questions. My clinical performance has been wonderful by their standards. They couldn't critique me on my grades, attendance, clinical performance or anything. They told me that maybe I should just learn how to talk quiet and be less scary. I don't understand. My mother has been a nurse for 30 years and I have letters of recommendation from numberous past professors, doctors and nurses that I have worked with in the past stating what a good person I am, and how freely I give of my time to others.

I feel like I am in a game and if I only had the directions I could finish it. I know I cannot win a popularity contest. I am not a smoocher of the instructor's behinds, and I won't do that.

Is there an avenue I have to help with this situation, or can they honestly kick me out of school because they are intimidated by me? I don't know what to do. I am still in school now, but I don't know for how long. This was geared as a personal attack not to try and help me. If they could have told me to chop myself off at the knees and loose 50 pounds and gotten away with it they would have. I have a wonderful repoir with my patients, this one girl I was assigned to hadn't let anybody touch her since she came into the hospital,(3 days) but she let me turn her and do a physical examination of her decubitus on her bottom.

God somebody please help me. I confided in 2 of my classmates who stated that they were crazy. I am starting to doubt myself as a person.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

How do you play the game to win? Focus, focus, focus on graduation. Maintain scruples, but go along and get along.

School doesn't last forever.

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Don't sweat it. Nursing education is old fashioned and outdated, and some instructors are threatened by confidence.

Your instructors criticism of you really is more about how your instructors feel about themselves than it is you.

Don't doubt yourself, but do what you are told, get through it, and remember:

There is nothing wrong with you, or how you interact with people, chances are you have done it one or two times in your life before nursing school, right?

Pretend you are in the military and just say "yes". Nursing instructors often view confident students as a threat, or see the need to "break" them.

You can do it. And break this cycle when you become a nurse.

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I feel your pain.

Consider it like the military. As a previous poster said, "Smile and nod, smile and nod". I personally think it is a travesty that nursing schools are like this, but, you are there, so unfortunately you have to put up with it.

Once you graduate, you can write a nice evaluation (anonomously, of course) of the whole program. I found it quite therapeutic.

Good luck,

Oldiebutgoodie

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Sometimes, just sometimes, a little butt smooching is called for. Or as my Grandma used to say "You catch a lot more flies with honey". I always thought "Who wants flies...?", but I understood her point.

Peace and Grace to you!

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Specializes in med-surg.
Ditto this. I learned after my first year to just keep smiling, keep quiet, and keep plugging away.

Exp...my first semester in the hospital...my psych rotation, behind closed doors, one on one with the CI, I was asked to do "self reflection" on myself and discuss any issues I see in myself that would hinder me if I ever chose to work in psych. I honestly answered I had trouble understanding how people who have little money, no job can choose to buy drugs instead of food and a decent life for themselves. I practically idolized this CI. She was INCREDIBLY inteligent. Rotation went fine I thought...finished up the semester on med/surg. End of semester comes...and I get a clinical warning for "being judgemental towards pts" When I questioned it..I was told of the conversation with the CI. When I called her...she basically said "I'm sorry, I know it wasn't in front of pts, but they want positive AND negative feedback about students so I had to use something"

Nursing school isn't always fair. Just keep your mouth shut and learn as much as you can.

So far as I can figure out, the Barbies win. Always. Do not question that. You only torture yourself. Just keep your nose clean and do your best. Eventually it will all be over. At least that what I keep telling myself! Graduating in May

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Specializes in Med Surg, Hospice.

My standard answers: "Yes, Sir, No, Sir, Yes, Ma'am, No, Ma'am, Please, Thank you and Absolutely"..... Then I bite my tongue and go scream in the bathroom.

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I'm a second-career nurse who worked successfully as a professional for 20+ years when I was called to be an RN. My maturity and professionalism almost oozed from my skin. I was written up for 'acting too confident' and seeming arrogant . I just listened during the meeting and thanked them for pointing our my deficiencies, knowing all along my instructors were intimidated by me. I had another incident that cost me 40 hrs of my preceptorship, and I did the same thing -- thank them for the learning experience (boy, did I ever learn from that one). Anyway, keep your composure and be what they want. You can't win. They have to win in order for you to graduate and get your license. Yes, it's crazy, but after you graduate, it will all have been worth it. P.S. I was recognized as the nursing student of the year when I graduated.

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Oh, yeah ... I meant to say :wlcmggrp: to allnurses! You have a bottomless support system here.

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Specializes in Peds Trauma, Neurosurgery, Othopedics.

I don't usually post, (mostly a lerker), but this really bothers me. I had a friend in nursing school that went through something similar. She had trouble pronouncing some words and had a really country accent. She was always told by professors that she wouldn't make it as a nurse because she didn't sound educated enough when she spoke (the whole "you have to be able to talk the talk to walk the walk" theory). She actually considered dropping out once because she felt singled out and defeated.

I'll give you the same advice I gave her...Don't let them beat you! Don't let them squash your dream of being a nurse. Hang in there and prove them all wrong! She hung in there, graduated and has a great working relationship with all her peers! After passing boards, it was the professors that appologized to her for doughting she'd make it.

Hang in there and please don't let these people squeeze you out. :nurse:

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.
I'm a second-career nurse who worked successfully as a professional for 20+ years when I was called to be an RN. My maturity and professionalism almost oozed from my skin. I was written up for 'acting too confident' and seeming arrogant . I just listened during the meeting and thanked them for pointing our my deficiencies, knowing all along my instructors were intimidated by me.

I do not have 20+ years in another field but like you this is not my first career and I do have years of experience working as a professional and act as such. In fact, I had one nurse (30 years experience) pull me aside because she could not figure out why I was "so on the ball" and "full of confidence". I told her I was a tech on another floor thinking it would be the answer she wanted to hear but I was wrong. She replied, "No, it is something else." So I admitted to having worked in another field and having an MBA. She responded, "That's it...!!" Fortunately for me she was pleased.

On the other hand, I have had others who were intimidated and actually said so to my face!!! Again, fortunately the ones who admitted to it did not treat me badly. In those situations, which always happens in clinicals, I immediately take the attention off of me. I turn to them for guidance (sometimes I need it... sometimes I don't). In a few cases I admit to fluffing up egos to calm their nerves!

These situations is similar to having a bad boss with low self-esteem. It is suppose to be our responsibility to gain their trust in order to make our working relationship a good one. Although I do not believe in this garbage because I think the nurses (bosses) should take responsibility for his/her own emotions and not expect their Student Nurses (subordinates) to make him/her feel better, it seems to work!

BTW, I agree with your post to the OP and your way of dealing with confrontation. I have had two confrontations with Professors who felt like critiquing me severely over something petty (not clinical related). I did just as you described... I nodded, smiled, and thanked them for the feedback!!! :p

I too know I cannot win a battle in nursing school and graduate. Congrats on winning your award when you graduated. It is full of irony! :bowingpur I have less then two semesters to go and I am OUT OF HERE! :nurse:

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I am a believer in the when they say jump I say how high and do it.....

(And bite your tongue about the craziness...)

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I have less then two semesters to go and I am OUT OF HERE! :nurse:

Hang in there -- graduation will open many doors! :anpom:

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