how has nursing school affected ur marriage

truern · Mar 28, 2009

I remember being told during orientation to NS that if your marriage was in trouble already then be prepared for it to fail during NS...and if it's in great shape be ready for it to be tested.

It helps to lower your standards of cleanliness Don't worry if your floors aren't clean enough to eat off...if you can SEE the floor that's good enough. If hubby was working days would he find the time to help clean house?? Then he can do it while working nights!

Going to NS requires sacrifice on everybody's part, but it's for the good of your family. You'll have a stable job making decent money...surely he sees how that's worth the sacrifice.

shoegalRN, RN · Mar 28, 2009

I hate to say this, but I know two people in my program who are getting a divorce, mainly due to nursing school.

I, myself, went through a horrible break up during nursing school. Several of my classmates when through break ups as well.

There is something about nursing school that is so intense and draining, it makes it hard to balance. I didnt start to balance my home life until a good year or so after I started the program. I will be graduating on May 16th.

It's hard. I am a single mother with a 12 year old son, who still has to pay mortgage, car payment, insurance, ALL bills with NO financial support for anyone else in my family.

All I can say is try to plan ONE day out of the week to just focus on your personal and home life. On this one day, don't even bring up nursing. Just focus on yourself, your hubby and family. Hopefully, this will work until you are able to find a better balance.

Good luck to you!

pristine30 · Mar 28, 2009

tru.. nights are harder on him bc he has been mandatoried a ton of ot. He gets home at 730 in the morning and has been going back in at 630 pm most days. He will throw in a load of laundry now and then and be like look what i did..grrr...It is def hard. I have been trying to ignore the house. And believe me that is a hard thing to do! On weekends when we dont have both boys we get along great. But to make matters worse my bro has moved in and has been a worthless lump of u know what...not working...not helping....

Nurse 2 great advice...we are def trying to have one day. Last weekend was great. This weekend I just think there are too many boys in this house! 4 of them vs me. I totally commend you for being a single mom thru this. I dont know how you do it! Sorry to hear it split you and you s/o apart. I hope we can make it thru this. It is crazy how one year...in my case 3 months can make a person so dang crazy! Hopefully during clinicals it will be easier. Will be getting one day off and more sleep!

Michelle78 · Mar 28, 2009

Prior to starting NS I made sure to let my husband know exactly what was going to be expected of me for the 2 yrs. We have a 4 y/o daughter and he is excellent taking her places on weekends so I can study. He handles laundry, baths, bedtime and dishes. I always tell him how greatful I am to have him. He knows in the end this benefits not just my life, but ALL of our lives.

It is easy to have a short-fuse in school but it is important to take some time for just the 2 of you and let him know how important his support is to you and the benefits that will follow. Forget about a clean house, focus on school and your marriage!! Good Luck! : ) :up:

Spotty44 · Mar 28, 2009

Thankfully, my marriage has been tested before, so me going to nursing school is cake. My husband and I have been married for just shy of 6 years, our first year of marriage we bought a restaurant. I'm used to having a husband that works close to 80 hours per week and rarely gets a day off (even more-so now that we're in a recession). We've dealt with that for 5 years so it's pretty much normal for me not to have my husband around all the time. Going to nursing school just gives me a way to keep busy when my husband isn't home.

I'm still keeping up on paying the bills and doing all the housework, since I'm home more than he is. But the house certainly doesn't get clean as much as it used to!!

pristine30 · Mar 28, 2009

yea I dont know how u find the time to clean house. I have been leaving it for weekends or for when I come home at lunch. I am not used to him not being around. This is only his second rotation on nights. I am hoping when his rotation is up it will get easier. today we had somewhat of a housecleaning "party". I had aaaaaaaaaalll the boys pitching in!

jackson145 · Mar 28, 2009

Wow, I must have a totally different NS than everyone else on here. I switched from PT to FT work when I started NS & I feel like I'm on a vacation. I've never had so much free time before. I get to be with the kids & the dogs & I can keep up with the house way better than when I was working full-time & taking pre-reqs.

However, my husband went through NS before me & once I started I discovered that he'd told all his classmates he was single & had asked several of them out on dates. After he took a job at a LTC facility, he began dating another nurse there. When she showed up at my house with pictures, I took the kids and moved out.

I've got 6 weeks left in my ASN program & I just received my divorce decree in the mail. Happily, the judge awarded me the house. I spent the last 2 months repairing all the things my Ex & his girlfriend broke around the place. I also cleaned it top to bottom, painted every room, & hung new curtains, etc. so it wouldn't look the way it used to.

I'd never have had the time to do so much if I was still working FT at my old job & I don't anticipate ever having so much extra time once school is over & I'm back in the real world.

I guess, in a way, NS ended my marriage, but it definitely wasn't d/t lack of time to spend with each other. :scrying:

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Mar 29, 2009

I am not in NS yet, I will start in August, I am worried but will see how it all plays out. My marriage has already been through hell and back. We are trying to get things situated as much as we can and get a good savings before I start so I can hire help around the house. I have 4 kids. 3 are in school full time. But I am hoping we can have someone come in and clean the house once a week or every other week to help keep the load off my husband as well.

What worries me most is I have always been pretty much mom and dad and now he is going to have to be both. We have talked about it tons and talked to the kids about it a lot as well and it helps that my husband has had friends tell him about their wives that have gone to NS and how grueling it was.

So far my husband says he is up for the challenge and if anything he says I am way to stressed about it and I need to calm down because it will be ok. We shall see.

I do think if we make it through this we will be set. He has a wonderful graduation gift planed for me so that is nice and something to look forward to. If I can get a job after NS right away than I will have to wait until a year on the job but if it's anything like it is right now I won't have to wait LOL.

Anyway, I hope it all works out for you.

LVAD RN · Mar 29, 2009

I am so sorry to here this is happening to you and it can be very difficult. My husband and I had it hard at first but we decided to stick it out because we love each other. The first year we were married I hardly saw him his finally semester, I was bitter and could not understand why he was so busy (he is a Mechanical Engineer). He had to put his foot down and say this is for us and to make life easier and while you will be upset with me today in a few weeks you will not be. It was so hard on him that I offered to work 80 hours per week while in nursing school, cook, clean and do everything else under the sun so he could have a job.

Fastforward 3 years later I am in the same position, I hardly see him because I have school 5 days per week I guess 7 because I have to ignore him to finish my homework. I only work PRN now, cook and clean certain areas. He has taken over the house and he helps me with my homework if he can.

I am saying this to say you may need to put ypur foot down and while he may get upset it will work out in the end. I was mad because I felt as if he didn't love me enough to spend "quality" time but while I became upset it was for the best.

As for the bills I trusted him to pay them and he sucked at it, he forgot to pay some and he would just forget. I had to take over that because it is too hard stressing about an exam, a dirty house and paying the bills. When I was taking my exams i would wonder if the bills were paid, so I did it myself. The way I kept my house clean was to do a little bit everyday because an entire weekend would not work. On slow days I would clean one room at a time.

Please trust that it will get better sooner than later :)

Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries. ~Astrid Alauda

chevyv, BSN, RN · Mar 29, 2009

I thought my relationship was pretty good until last October. I got the phone call that my 'honey' was involved in a long term relationship that miraculously (sp) began 1 semester after I started ns. We have 2 children so I decided to go part time. I was still very busy between raising the children and getting decent grades. But, we had an agreement I would do that and he would get his business going.

He wants to work things out, ya now that I graduate in May! I'm hanging on until I pass my boards and get a job, then I'll be able to see clearly for the first time in 4 years. I just want my life back and if I choose to spend it with someone, I want it to be with someone that I trust not to run around on me. I honestly believe it was because I was in ns. I had been a stay at home mom since the kids were born and I think he liked the control. He realized that with school comes graduation and security. That security, I beleive, intimidted him. I was looking at the great extra things we would be able to afford and paying the house off early. Weird how different people view things.

Good luck and try to take one day each week to spend together. No thoughts of school. You'll feel better as a student as well. I do that now, well actually I do it alot because I'm precepting and have no other school worries! It's wonderful.

shoegalRN, RN · Mar 29, 2009

I thought my relationship was pretty good until last October. I got the phone call that my 'honey' was involved in a long term relationship that miraculously (sp) began 1 semester after I started ns. We have 2 children so I decided to go part time. I was still very busy between raising the children and getting decent grades. But, we had an agreement I would do that and he would get his business going.
He wants to work things out, ya now that I graduate in May! I'm hanging on until I pass my boards and get a job, then I'll be able to see clearly for the first time in 4 years. I just want my life back and if I choose to spend it with someone, I want it to be with someone that I trust not to run around on me. I honestly believe it was because I was in ns. I had been a stay at home mom since the kids were born and I think he liked the control. He realized that with school comes graduation and security. That security, I beleive, intimidted him. I was looking at the great extra things we would be able to afford and paying the house off early. Weird how different people view things.
Good luck and try to take one day each week to spend together. No thoughts of school. You'll feel better as a student as well. I do that now, well actually I do it alot because I'm precepting and have no other school worries! It's wonderful.

I totally agree with no worries about school. I'm in my Capstone and loving every minute of it! I study for boards on my days off.

I'm sorry that happened to you. My ex cheated on me and later married the woman. This happened during my second semester in nursing school.

We were told by previous students to not start a new relationship while in nursing school and if you are currently in a relationship or marriage, it should be STRONG in order to survive nursing school. They also said most divorces/break ups happen while in nursing school and if you are in a strong relationship or marriage, then it will be put to the test.

My other classmate thought as you did, looking at the big picture once she graduates nursing school. She was counting on her boyfriend to support her all the way, so when she graduated it would be better for both of THEM. They were talking about getting married after she graduated. She caught him cheating as well and he started cheating on her the first semester of nursing school.

I am single now and I will not date again until after I've graduated and passed boards. Too much stress.