Ok, so i am new here. I have been in a full time accelerated nursing program for 3 months now. This is taking all that I have. I know next month we will start clinicals and I will be in class 2 days a week one day off and then 2 days in clinicals. I am praying this makes my home life easier.
Before school started my family and I sat down and I thought it was made clear how busy this was going to make me, how everyone was going to support this decision, and help around the house. I am not working thru this program. My husband was put on nights, so when I am home he is sleeping until he goes to work. I can understand why Im not getting the help from him right now. He is supportive as far as "good job on the test" but he doesnt understand my fears or frustrations with school, I seriously come home some days and just cry. If I am freaking about a test that decides my future he writes it off and says you will do fine. THEN he lets me know that since i started school I have been so negative about everything. I could vent to him about everything before....now when I come home to vent I am being negative....its crazy. We do have a DON from hell. I truly feel she is trying to set us up to fail. I knew it wouldnt be easy but i didnt realize that it would put such a strain on our marriage. we have been thru some of lifes hardest situations and made it thru. But Im not sure about this one.
My question is how is everyone dealing with a filthy house, bills not being paid bc u trust ur s/o to do it bc ur too busy. HOW do you balance school and home. Has it lead anyone to divorce?
I know this may be harsh but, if your brother is adding to the stress in your life and you want your house clean I would suggest you wake him up before you leave for school. Tell him since he is now living there and not looking for work or paying rent he is expected to pitch in. Hand him a list of things that need to be done and tell him you expect that they will be done by the time you get home from school that day. If he starts giving you crap tell him if he does not like it to get up and get a JOB and move out. You do not run a boarding house it is your home.
Nursing school is hard on marriages. When I started I knew it would be hard to juggle everything a house, marriage, and kids. WOW, it was more than hard. Individuals not in nursing school don't realize the stress that we are under. I only clean once a week now and leave the rest for school breaks. I feel for you and hopefully things work out for the best. I take one day a week and do no school work what so ever and spend it with my family.
For one year of NS my better half was stationed overseas, so there were no NS-related marital worries there :)
For the other year...I have to admit that overall, I've been pretty fortunate. He understands how important NS is for himself as well as for me (since he considers getting out of the service every other week and he can't afford to do that if I'm not working) and so he's very tolerant about a messy house, the mad study hours, and fending for himself and the son in the kitchen two-three times a week. It has cut into our quality time a lot though, and we try to make that when we can, and I think in doing that, that's helped keep the marriage going through school. I owe him about 20 date nights though.
For these last 8 weeks, he's currently in a school right now too, so actually it's working out pretty well for both of us, as we're both too tied up with classes to feel neglected or be getting in trouble.
I'm a little worried too...I will be starting the RN program in August. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and have a strong relationship, but he will have to adjust BIG time b/c he is sooooo spoiled as far as cooking/cleaning goes. Another adjustment is already starting. Since I will be going from working full-time to part-time, we will be going from a household income of $60,000 to $49,000 and this has caused a budget restructuring that has not been fun for him. He can't make soda/candy stops twice a day and go bowling or out to eat when he wants to anymore. My concern is that once I start the RN program, I will be so tied up that he will feel the urge to go out bowling or eating out MORE b/c he will be bored and lonely... but I have been trying to help him find cheap/free things to do. Any suggestions?
My husband has been amazing during my schooling. He is very supportive of me and celebrates my little successes right along with me. His job and income allowed for me to not have to work, so that took a lot of stress away along with us not having any children to care for. We talk and dream a lot about how life is going to be once I am out of school and we have a double income. We don't struggle with money, as we are homebodies anyways and can find free or inexpensive things to do to entertain us (for example; taking the dog to the park, working in the yard, renting movies, just hanging out). It helps that he is so supportive because it keeps me motivated when I start to burn out. He keeps me grounded and directed and I would not be where I am in my life without him.
I am set to graduate this May (yippy) and I can say that NS has been difficult on our marriage. We actually had our rehersal dinner the same day as NS orientation. SO I litereally have been married the entire course of NS. It took alot of comprimise on both parts. He has helped alot with chores and making sure I eat on careplan nights (I swear I would forget to if he didnt put a plate in front of me) I also have given up on a spotlessly clean house. The laundry is done but it may be in folded piles... I remember our first day one of our professors said that you have to make choices of how to spend your time... the dust bunnies will still be there when you are done they may just be a bit bigger. It is an exageration but I chose to spend most of my "freetime" enjoying my husband and fostering our relationship and as little time possbile cleaning. Take out is always a good solution. Good luck to everyone, NS is a huge adjustment but it is well worth it.
i'd definitely put more pressure on the jobless/rentless/choreless sibling taking up residence in your home. Shame on him for taking advantage of your good graces.
Try to let go of the small stuff.
I'm not quite in nursing school yet, but even working full time and doing prereqs I've seen the laziness my spouse is capable of. Somehow it's my job to walk the dog, and his job to play video games after work. His version of cleaning the kitchen? Loading the dishwasher almost completely and running it. TA-DA! No wiping the counters off, no sweeping/mopping. Very different world. He does the laundry. The version where there's a clean hamper and a dirty hamper. It's bachelor town, really.
You just have to learn to let some things go I suppose. And definitely get your sibling to earn his keep!
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I'm a little worried too...I will be starting the RN program in August. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and have a strong relationship, but he will have to adjust BIG time b/c he is sooooo spoiled as far as cooking/cleaning goes. Another adjustment is already starting. Since I will be going from working full-time to part-time, we will be going from a household income of $60,000 to $49,000 and this has caused a budget restructuring that has not been fun for him. He can't make soda/candy stops twice a day and go bowling or out to eat when he wants to anymore. My concern is that once I start the RN program, I will be so tied up that he will feel the urge to go out bowling or eating out MORE b/c he will be bored and lonely... but I have been trying to help him find cheap/free things to do. Any suggestions?
Come up with an "allowance" that way he doesn't have to cut out everything completely but in your budget he gets x amount of dollars and he will have to use them wisely. Bowling isn't expensive is it?? I am guessing you don't have kids? I hope everything works out.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
i'd definitely put more pressure on the jobless/rentless/choreless sibling taking up residence in your home. Shame on him for taking advantage of your good graces.
Try to let go of the small stuff.
I'm not quite in nursing school yet, but even working full time and doing prereqs I've seen the laziness my spouse is capable of. Somehow it's my job to walk the dog, and his job to play video games after work. His version of cleaning the kitchen? Loading the dishwasher almost completely and running it. TA-DA! No wiping the counters off, no sweeping/mopping. Very different world. He does the laundry. The version where there's a clean hamper and a dirty hamper. It's bachelor town, really.
You just have to learn to let some things go I suppose. And definitely get your sibling to earn his keep!
I stumbled upon this while reading some emails and felt the need to reply to all on this thread. I hear you everyone and can definitely relate to everything being said and vented. I am married myself with a husband that works out of the country, Nigeria, Africa to be exact. He is home every 6 weeks and out of the country the other 6 weeks. This puts him being home 6 months out of the year. I have a 17 year old as of tomorrow which I have raised practically alone since he hit high school. With that came teenage problems, homework, friend issues, etc. I really sometimes do not know how I have done it all. I recently completed LPN school and was just recently accepted into LMU for Fall 09 RN division. My husband makes very good money, which is one of the reasons we are doing the out of the country scenario, but with that said, I am having to pay for my schooling, gas, any expenses that I incur while in nursing school and make sure I have enough money to support our son. He allows me an allowance every month-- Go figure! I cannot wait to finish my RN, become self sufficient again and have the opportunity to say, Thanks, but no thanks-- if he does not "get it together" I too, once my son graduates next year will be working out of the country, traveling and finally following my dreams. If you have someone that is helping you even with slight aggravation, feel blessed-- your time will come and all of lifes little challenges would have been worth it. Just felt like I needed to vent somewhat--
Wow - I feel like I could have written the same thing! I get so frustrated sometimes with my husband - we have a 16 month old and I feel like I am always busy with school/childcare/cleaning/laundry/EVERYTHING and he goes to work and comes home and lays on the couch!! And then expects me to praise him for throwing a load of his own work clothes in the laundry, despite the fact that he took the clothes I was washing out of the washer and threw them on the floor to make room for his clothes!! I get up an hour early every morning to pack my son's breakfast and lunch, get him up and dressed and to the day care, walk the dog and get his food ready, and my husband just gets to roll out of bed and right off to work! It feels so good to vent haha.....
But at the end of the day, I do love my husband and I don't think our marriage is in trouble. I think so many women go through this with their husbands - we are expected to be everything to everyone: the wife, the mother, the cook, the housecleaner, the worker, and if we want to throw school into the mix, we should be able to! It' so frustrating. But I do two things that really help:
1) I try to think of something I appreciate about my husband every day, especially if I am annoyed with him. And I always thank him for the nice things he does, no matter how small (although I don't worship him for doing a load of laundry...just a "thanks" lol). He lets me sleep in occasionally if he has the day off. Or he works a crappy job (or nights, in your case) to help me get through school and support our family. Or even little things like he cleared the table tonight! I absolutely believe that gratitude is necessary for happiness.
2) What everyone else says - communication. If you are frustrated you need to tell him. And maybe he won't listen, but just keep trying, and try to phrase it differently. It can take a long time, but you shouldn't have to do everything. He needs to step up and help you! And also make sure you are taking time to have fun together. Even if its just watching a funny show together and talking about it. It is so important to remember why you fell in love - I haven't been married too long, but I already see the romance trying to slip away and it is crucial to keep that alive!
Hope I didn't come off like a know-it-all, but your words hit so close to home - best of luck and remember that you will get through school and it will hopefully get easier.
Thanks. You sound very wise and hit the nail on the head. I have been married for ever (LOL-- only 17 years) and most have been wonderful, just a few more wrinkles in the mix. Take care and thanks for your input, it makes things nice to hear we are not alone.
Since I will be going from working full-time to part-time, we will be going from a household income of $60,000 to $49,000 and this has caused a budget restructuring that has not been fun for him. He can't make soda/candy stops twice a day and go bowling or out to eat when he wants to anymore. My concern is that once I start the RN program, I will be so tied up that he will feel the urge to go out bowling or eating out MORE b/c he will be bored and lonely... but I have been trying to help him find cheap/free things to do. Any suggestions? 
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RNShenanigator
94 Posts
I know this may be harsh but, if your brother is adding to the stress in your life and you want your house clean I would suggest you wake him up before you leave for school. Tell him since he is now living there and not looking for work or paying rent he is expected to pitch in. Hand him a list of things that need to be done and tell him you expect that they will be done by the time you get home from school that day. If he starts giving you crap tell him if he does not like it to get up and get a JOB and move out. You do not run a boarding house it is your home.
That simple.