Ok, so i am new here. I have been in a full time accelerated nursing program for 3 months now. This is taking all that I have. I know next month we will start clinicals and I will be in class 2 days a week one day off and then 2 days in clinicals. I am praying this makes my home life easier.
Before school started my family and I sat down and I thought it was made clear how busy this was going to make me, how everyone was going to support this decision, and help around the house. I am not working thru this program. My husband was put on nights, so when I am home he is sleeping until he goes to work. I can understand why Im not getting the help from him right now. He is supportive as far as "good job on the test" but he doesnt understand my fears or frustrations with school, I seriously come home some days and just cry. If I am freaking about a test that decides my future he writes it off and says you will do fine. THEN he lets me know that since i started school I have been so negative about everything. I could vent to him about everything before....now when I come home to vent I am being negative....its crazy. We do have a DON from hell. I truly feel she is trying to set us up to fail. I knew it wouldnt be easy but i didnt realize that it would put such a strain on our marriage. we have been thru some of lifes hardest situations and made it thru. But Im not sure about this one.
My question is how is everyone dealing with a filthy house, bills not being paid bc u trust ur s/o to do it bc ur too busy. HOW do you balance school and home. Has it lead anyone to divorce?
I am barely 22 years old and I am on the middle on my 2nd semester. And Guess what, I have 6 months of being married. Yes, I got married on the middle of my first semester. I really don't know how I did that, and everybody keeps asking me the same thing. Reading all the posts about how nursing school had affected your marriages, has just scared me a lot, since I am barely starting my marriage. I lasted 7 yrs with him in a serious relationship, and I though it was a good idea to get marry before the nursing program ruins our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I used to have everything in my home, my mom would do everything for me, cook, laundry, clean the house, everything!! she would just ask me to dedicate my time entirely on school. silly me....Now, besides doing all this duties that my mom used to do, I am stressing about school, and marriage getting all kinds of health problems. Besides that, I work during the weekends. I love my hub, I love my family, and I love Nursing, but what was I thinking?
I will be starting NS in the fall and although I am not worried about my marriage, I am really having problems with convincing my husband to be more financially supportive. He is a physician and so he makes really good money and right now I am working as a therapist making really good money. Tuition is going to be killer for this program probably looking at about 15+thousand/semester for a 16 month ABSN. I am really considering not going at all because it is soo expensive and I already have a little bit of loan debt from my Masters Degree and my husband is almost refusing to provide me with any financial support because he doesn't want me to be a nurse even though I plan on entering the NP program right away. I am grateful that he will be paying the mortage and all of the utilities and so I dont have to worry about the cost of living. I have always worked and made pretty good money too and so I have never needed him to do anything for me. I dont want to work while im in NS but it looks like I am going to have to keep my job and work PT because my husband will not help me with school nor will he help me pay make my car payment. I dont want to have to make my car payment for me anyways but I feel like he should offer even if I refuse....My problem with him is his hypocrisy in this whole thing. He has a sister who is about my age and she is in some program where she is taking a 6 year route to get her master degree in alternative medicine. His father who is a retired judge refuses to support her because he thinks she needs to get a real job and support herself because she choose to move across the country and to enroll in this program. Granted his dad worked hard to get where he is and he didnt do it by sponging off anyone else. My husband went on this rant about how wrong it was of his father not to support her because he has the money to do so and he should. I of course disagreed and said that it was her choice and that he shouldnt have to pay rent and utilies for a apt that he doesn't live in. He was furious. It got to the point where his mother who makes good money and recently retired was talking about getting another part time job to pay the girls tuition and for her rent and stuff. I said that it was selfish of his sister and him to encourage that nonsense when she can get a real damn job and work and take out loans like most people do. He goes on to say well my mother didnt want us to graduate with any debt....So I pointed out that he got scholarships in medical school and joined the military to pay his own way and that his sister should find a way to do the same. I would never make my mother get another damn job to support me financially for the decisions that I made. Like her I choose to attend grad school all the way across the country and when I got there I got a real job that paid money and paid all of my bills myself and took out loans for school. My mother had the money to support me but I dont think its right that she should because it was my choice and therefore I should be financially responsible for that choice. Anyways, I mentioned his hyprocrisy the other night but also saying that I would work because I didnt want him to have to pay for my car but also stated that most of my friends in grad school who were married and didnt work could rely on their husband to help them financially if needed. Even though I do plan on working because I dont really have much of a choice, I just dont understand when he became so selffish and his hyprocrisy is really irritating.....Sorry for the long rant folks!
You will be fine. Do not let other peoples issues affect what you have going on. It is just always good to vent and have someone to listen. Good luck and stay strong.........
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I will be starting NS in the fall and although I am not worried about my marriage, I am really having problems with convincing my husband to be more financially supportive. He is a physician and so he makes really good money and right now I am working as a therapist making really good money. Tuition is going to be killer for this program probably looking at about 15+thousand/semester for a 16 month ABSN. I am really considering not going at all because it is soo expensive and I already have a little bit of loan debt from my Masters Degree and my husband is almost refusing to provide me with any financial support because he doesn't want me to be a nurse even though I plan on entering the NP program right away. I am grateful that he will be paying the mortage and all of the utilities and so I dont have to worry about the cost of living. I have always worked and made pretty good money too and so I have never needed him to do anything for me. I dont want to work while im in NS but it looks like I am going to have to keep my job and work PT because my husband will not help me with school nor will he help me pay make my car payment. I dont want to have to make my car payment for me anyways but I feel like he should offer even if I refuse....My problem with him is his hypocrisy in this whole thing. He has a sister who is about my age and she is in some program where she is taking a 6 year route to get her master degree in alternative medicine. His father who is a retired judge refuses to support her because he thinks she needs to get a real job and support herself because she choose to move across the country and to enroll in this program. Granted his dad worked hard to get where he is and he didnt do it by sponging off anyone else. My husband went on this rant about how wrong it was of his father not to support her because he has the money to do so and he should. I of course disagreed and said that it was her choice and that he shouldnt have to pay rent and utilies for a apt that he doesn't live in. He was furious. It got to the point where his mother who makes good money and recently retired was talking about getting another part time job to pay the girls tuition and for her rent and stuff. I said that it was selfish of his sister and him to encourage that nonsense when she can get a real damn job and work and take out loans like most people do. He goes on to say well my mother didnt want us to graduate with any debt....So I pointed out that he got scholarships in medical school and joined the military to pay his own way and that his sister should find a way to do the same. I would never make my mother get another damn job to support me financially for the decisions that I made. Like her I choose to attend grad school all the way across the country and when I got there I got a real job that paid money and paid all of my bills myself and took out loans for school. My mother had the money to support me but I dont think its right that she should because it was my choice and therefore I should be financially responsible for that choice. Anyways, I mentioned his hyprocrisy the other night but also saying that I would work because I didnt want him to have to pay for my car but also stated that most of my friends in grad school who were married and didnt work could rely on their husband to help them financially if needed. Even though I do plan on working because I dont really have much of a choice, I just dont understand when he became so selffish and his hyprocrisy is really irritating.....Sorry for the long rant folks!
This is wrong on so many ways. Don't let your husband keep you from your dreams and goals. That is complete BS and it sounds like he is trying to control you.
honestly, IMO nursing school will lead to the demise of many unstable marriage and relationships. Its very easy to get involved in "interesting" situations when you are in nursing school which some might consider morally unacceptable.
Come up with an "allowance" that way he doesn't have to cut out everything completely but in your budget he gets x amount of dollars and he will have to use them wisely. Bowling isn't expensive is it?? I am guessing you don't have kids? I hope everything works out.
Thanks... we have set a "recreation budget" as we call it, but we don't really agree on it... he he! That's the problem. No, bowling isn't that expensive but it adds up when he wants to eat out the same night he goes bowling. And no, no kids yet.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Thanks... we have set a "recreation budget" as we call it, but we don't really agree on it... he he! That's the problem. No, bowling isn't that expensive but it adds up when he wants to eat out the same night he goes bowling. And no, no kids yet.
Well their is going to just have to be some give and take until something is agreed upon. I only asked the kid thing because of him getting bored and lonely LOL Hard to get bored and lonely if you have kids.
He is going to have to compromise, eat before he goes to bowl. Does he have friends that he can get together with and play poker or outdoor sports and stuff? Shoot even video games?
Money problems is the number 1 cause for divorce so for sure come up with something you both can agree on, even if it means you having to give in a little more than you wanted to, the last thing you want is for him to be angry and resentful towards you.
Maybe he can go do some volunteer work also for his free time so he doesn't get to bored, like a big brother program.
It makes me feel less alone to see this thread. My BF and I have been together for 7yrs and have lived together for 3. Just last week, 35 days before graduation he tells me he is unhappy and wants to break up!!! Well, Lets just say I was very caught off gaurd, not to mention how horrible his timing is! I am so busy right now I can't even think straight. I guess I just figured if he had made it through 3 other years of me in NS, then what was one more month? Well... All I know is thinking about this now, I have spent zero time with him, and when I see him a few short mins. it is to complain about what he HASN"T done around our messy apartment, or how much work I have to get done and no time to do it. I guess that makes for some pretty unhappy "time together." Well,it is a little easier to handle, knowing NS has effected others as well, and that I am not the only one who has rx issues during NS.
So I am in my junior year of a BSN program. My husband is great. He has changed his work schedule to accomodate clinical days. He helps around the house when he can--granted he works 65 hours a week to make sure that we have money to live until I graduate. I still pay the bills. We've talked to the kids about helping out with a few little chores. Granted my house never seems presentable enough for me and I always have laundry piled up, but I do what I can when i have extra time. Our marriage is fine. I think it all depends on how your marriage is to begin with. Just make sure that you schedule some time in there for each other even if it is a quick--grab some ice cream or something. It will all be worth it in the end. You'll have your dream job and your marriage will be stronger because you made it through this stressful time together.
I've been married for almost 3 years and NS has actually made my marriage better. My husband is wonderfully supportive and doesn't mind taking over some household chores when I'm waist deep in care plans.
We were also told at the beginning of NS that your marriage will be tested. Try not to be discouraged, it doesn't have to be that way! Time management is KEY!
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Well, Lets just say I was very caught off gaurd, not to mention how horrible his timing is! I am so busy right now I can't even think straight. I guess I just figured if he had made it through 3 other years of me in NS, then what was one more month? Well... All I know is thinking about this now, I have spent zero time with him, and when I see him a few short mins. it is to complain about what he HASN"T done around our messy apartment, or how much work I have to get done and no time to do it. I guess that makes for some pretty unhappy "time together." Well,it is a little easier to handle, knowing NS has effected others as well, and that I am not the only one who has rx issues during NS.
PhlebNursingSt
2 Posts
Wow...Shame on me...
I am barely 22 years old and I am on the middle on my 2nd semester. And Guess what, I have 6 months of being married. Yes, I got married on the middle of my first semester. I really don't know how I did that, and everybody keeps asking me the same thing. Reading all the posts about how nursing school had affected your marriages, has just scared me a lot, since I am barely starting my marriage. I lasted 7 yrs with him in a serious relationship, and I though it was a good idea to get marry before the nursing program ruins our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I used to have everything in my home, my mom would do everything for me, cook, laundry, clean the house, everything!! she would just ask me to dedicate my time entirely on school. silly me....Now, besides doing all this duties that my mom used to do, I am stressing about school, and marriage getting all kinds of health problems. Besides that, I work during the weekends. I love my hub, I love my family, and I love Nursing, but what was I thinking?