Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other - page 17

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction. I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me... Read More

  1. by   CNM 26.2
    I have several..haha!!

    One night when I was on c-section call and there was a mom attempting a VBAC so I was required to be within 5 minutes of the hospital while she was laboring. My husband and I went to dinner at a restaurant about amile away from the hospital. As we finished dinner I was debating whether I should call in and see how the patient was doing so I knew if I would be able to head home soon or if I should just go to the hospital. My husband said "they'll probably tell you she's six and multi-tipped" HAHAHA! I must say, I was impressed that he was at least trying to use the "lingo"

    When I was about 28 weeks pregnant with my third child, I got a wild urge to rearrange my furniture. As I was moving things around my daughter, who was 8 at the time, and my son, who was 5, were concerned. They kept telling me I should stop. I reassured them that I was fine but they weren't convinced, my daughter said "but, mom, please stop if you start having those one things.." my son rolled his eyes and replied "duh, they are called C-SECTIONS." I think "contractions" is more what she had in mind....

    And finally, a few years ago I took my daughters to the zoo, they were 8 and 7 at the time-they were playing on some toys in the petting zoo-one was a large nest, one was a cracked egg that was big enough for a couple of kids to get inside. My youngest daughter was in the egg, her big sister was in the nest on the other side of the playground-the daughter in the egg yelled out "look mom, I hatched out of an egg" the daughter in the nest yelled across the playground to her "no you didn't, you grew in moms uterus and came out of her vagina." Yeah, maybe being open about the reproductive process is not always the best idea!!! (haha)
  2. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from AngelfireRN
    OK, I'm an NP now, which to my DH, puts me right up there with the Almighty himself. There's not a whole lot I can't do, according to him. I was talking about having to go in for my yearly last week when he had his latest fit of brilliance....

    "Hey! You're a family NP now, you can do those!"

    "Yeah, your point, honey?"

    "Just do your own. Get one of the nurses to help you."

    "Honey, you DO realize what all goes on? I'd have to be a contortionist to pull that off!"

    "Well, you could walk them through it, right? I mean, wouldn't you be in the room?"

    Ya know, some days, it's not even worth getting out of bed. God love him.
    [SIZE="4"][B][I]Love it!!!
  3. by   franciscangypsy
    Quote from Brikkz
    When I was in the hospital I couldn't sleep at night. Besides if nurses or hospital staff let you sleep at night why would you wanna go home? :P
    That's what I tell my pts... always good for a startled laugh
  4. by   franciscangypsy
    Not a significant other, but it KINDA fits:

    I love my special needs sister, but she's a bit of a hypochondriac. One day (right after I got up) she walked up to me, freaking out: "my right elbow hurts".

    Me: (looking at her. doesn't appear to be in great agony) "Your elbow."

    Her: (terrified) "Uh-huh. I read in the Reader's Digest that right arm pain can indicate a heart attack."

    Me: "It's your elbow."

    Her: "But it's my RIGHT ARM." (pause) "Or does the left arm pain indicate a heart attack?"

    Me: "It's not a heart attack."
    Last edit by franciscangypsy on Sep 6, '10
  5. by   nursejoy1
    Quote from S.Gettes
    My significant other has a brother who is nothing short of a severe exaggerater when it comes to his stories. There is always some kind of fantastical story coming out of my brother in laws mouth and they are always hard, if not impossible for me to believe, sadly though there are some who fall for all of his stories and hang off of his every word. The best one that had me laughing right mid story, causing everyone around me to look at me intrigued as to what i found so amusing, was when he told of how he had been water skiing and had broken his leg by way of a bad fall from the skiis, He said it was a bad break, penetrated the skin, snapped the bone clean in half. This aparrently occured when he was away on holiday for 2 weeks, so within this 2 weeks he managed to heal completely and come home to tell us all about it? Miraculous, and then when asked about the hospital and how they repaired such a significant break he simply told us that they glued the bone back together with the same glue they use to close wounds and then glued the wound closed and wrapped his leg in a tight bandage to keep the bone in place whilst the glue set. And yes, he does know what i do for a living....
    I had a neighbor who told everyone who would listen that she had a lung transplant at our small rural hospital and only had to stay overnight. Wish I healed that quickly!
  6. by   AthenaH30
    My husband swears that my children will grow up really tough. He tells me that when one of the kids gets injured, that I 'tell them to rub some dirt on it'
  7. by   Cat_LPN
    Mine told me, in all seriousness, that he needed a non-rebreather at night while he sleeps because he snores and has asthma. I wondered if he'd even want the 10L of o2!!

    So ridiculous!
  8. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from Cat_LPN
    Mine told me, in all seriousness, that he needed a non-rebreather at night while he sleeps because he snores and has asthma. I wondered if he'd even want the 10L of o2!!
    Honey, in all seriousness I doubt that he would. He would get tired of it really fast. I know. I am on it 24/7 and it's a pain juggling that tubing everywhere I go. I give you permission to tell him I mentioned it.
  9. by   caseySN_TJC_ADN
    My best friends sister had bruised her chest somehow and she has a way of being dramatic about you can only imagine how hard I laughed when she held her chest and told me her "scrotum" hurt!! I said.....honey...that's your shouldn't have a scrotum!! I laughed until I cried!!
  10. by   ajeanpants
    As a nursing student, my boyfriend gets to hear me moan and groan about the work I have to do, how stressed I am, etc pretty frequently. The other day he told me "You know our friend who studies (some scientific research topic) at University of Michigan? Yeah, I thought YOU worked hard. You should hear what HE has to do!" We had a long discussion about his choice of words haha

    Another funny one!
    I had a friend who got in a fender bender, and she tends to be VERY overdramatic. She told me she needed to go to the ER because she thought she punctured her lung. I asked her how she was feeling... having any trouble breathing? She said "umm, nope! I can breathe fine!" Ohhhhhkay then.
  11. by   Jenni811
    My fiance is an engineer so totally opposite of nursing. It sounds so funny to hear him say something really stupid because he is so smart...i just have to laugh!

    Anyway, once my fiance and i are driving back and its like 2am...we are driving out in the middle of nowhere so its really dark in the car, dead silent. I reach over to grab his hand, but i missed and accidentally grabbed his forearm. First thing i said was "OoOo you have a great antecubital" there was this pause and i hear "Wow Jen." totally random.

    Ah, the days when i was in nursing school though. I lived in an apartment with one of my close girlfriends. my boyfriend (Who is now my fiance) would come over and let me "practice" my assessment skills on him. I will never forget the look on my roommates face when i had him lying on the couch and i'm palpating his liver!
    Roommate: "Im not even going to ask what is going on"
    Me: "I'm palpating his liver. Stay here because your next"
    Roommate: "you want to do what to my liver?"
  12. by   ctaylo11
    My ex husband came to me one day complaining that he was having a sharp pain in his lower right abdomen. And no lie, I PROMISE he asked me this: He says, "Honey, this is really hurting bad. Do you think I could have a ruptured cyst on my ovary like my mom had that time?" OMG I could hardly contain myself. HAHA.........needless to say, the very next day he had an appendectomy.
  13. by   DemonWings
    My 3 year old calls my stethescope my "telescope" because "momma looks in peoples hearts" :heartbeat

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