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Do You Think, Given the State of the World Today, That This Future Job Posting Might Not Be So Crazy?

A framed article in the form of a job posting that reveals what the state of nursing may be like in the future post-Covid world after nurses have left the profession in droves. A satirical piece.

Updated:   Published

  • nikkulele77
    nikkulele77, BSN
    Specializes in ED, ICU, Public/Community Health. Has 21 years experience.
Do You Think, Given the State of the World Today, That This Future Job Posting Might Not Be So Crazy?

Nurses Wanted at Saint Joseph's Hospital (Job posted 287 days ago)

Rediscover the art of bedside nursing at Saint Joseph’s Hospital and join a team of dedicated professionals in the post-Covid healthcare crisis.

Multiple positions open on multiple floors. All shifts needed.

Are you a former nurse looking to get back into the field? Do you dream of those days before Covid and the mass nurse exodus? Do you long for the days of being part of a competent team, working in a safe environment, and bringing positive change into the lives of your patients? Then Saint Joseph’s is for you!

Featured in the allnurses® Fall 2020 issue...

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Saint Joseph’s is committed to providing nurses with the safety and peace of mind needed so they can focus on patient care. Our staffing ratio is unheard of anywhere else in the country.

  • ICU: 3:1
  • Stepdown: 5:1
  • MedSurg: 8:1

Benefits

1 - We provide competitive pay and excellent benefits so that our nurses are confident they are being well compensated. After a minimum of three years on the floor, you will be considered for transfer to our telehealth units.

2 - No more weekly mandatory overtime! We require only 2 weeks of mandatory overtime per pay schedule. You are welcome. Extra incentive shifts are always available and encouraged for those nurses who would like to work a little extra.

3 - Yes, we allow travel! Annual earned leave includes free testing after travel and isolation days if necessary (from employees PTO bank). We take the guesswork out of your destination. Our HR team, in collaboration with epidemiologists, have put together a US map detailing safe, permissible travel destinations. The map is updated daily and the HR team contacts you personally with travel details, including possible cancellations. In order to ensure adequate staffing, employees are provided with 3 choices for the time of year in which they will be able to take their earned leave.

4 - Our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) offers 2 free phone sessions per year plus a hotline for crises. Zoom meetings with a counselor can be arranged at an employee discount. We encourage employees to utilize EAP so that they can successfully deal with and prevent burnout. The mental health of our employees is of utmost importance to us.

5 - Personal protective equipment (PPE) is vital for our nurses to perform quality work. Saint Joseph’s provides the staff with daily surgical masks to be worn at all times on hospital premises. Additionally, select employees are provided with N95 masks that are sterilized using UV radiation. Extra ear loops are also provided for when the seal is compromised (employees are trained on how to effectively attach these). Staff is asked to provide their own approved eyewear (face shield or goggles). Our staff members enjoy some of the best and most adequate PPE anywhere!

6 - Has your nursing license lapsed? No problem. Saint Joseph’s uses a specialized team to get former nurses back on track. We offer a unique 4-week program* that will bring nurses up to snuff on the basics of healthcare, with an additional 2 weeks of area-specific study depending on their chosen specialty. With our rigorous course, nurses can rest assured they will be able to pass the NCREX (National Council Re-licensure Examination) and be ready to enter the healthcare workforce with up-to-date knowledge and mastery of skill.

7 - Ongoing education is required for our nursing staff. We make every attempt at Saint Joseph’s to ensure you have ample opportunity to expand your education with pertinent and applicable courses and lectures you will be able to take right to the bedside. And, because we know you value your time, 90% of education is contained on our online platform, HealthSteam. Easy to access, real-world application courses are available to you 24/7. Full Steam Ahead!

Education hours do not count toward mandatory OT.

8 - We know that your number one priority is your family. That is why Saint Joseph’s established Joe’s Daycare and Academy.** Are you concerned your child will not stay on task if you are not there to monitor their online schooling? Then let our tutors take over. Joe’s Daycare and Academy is a 3-story facility complete with computer stations and access to the entire city school district's online platforms. At an extra minimal fee, we offer tutoring to those students struggling with online content. Our daycare is clean, well-maintained, and offers socially distant playtime for toddlers and preschoolers starting at age 2 (must be potty-trained).

Join Our Team

So what are you waiting for? An exciting, prestigious career in nursing awaits you! At Saint Joseph’s, we value our nurses and recognize their important contributions to the health of our patients and community. Be a positive part of the Covid history and join the Saint Joseph’s team today. Our family welcomes you with open arms!

*The program is limited in number of participants, so please inquire early in the application process.

**Due to social distancing requirements, there is currently a waitlist for certain age groups at Joe’s Daycare and Academy.

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nikkulele77

About nikkulele77, BSN (Member)

Specialty areas include Emergency Department

6 Articles   23 Posts

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Jedrnurse

Jedrnurse, BSN, RN

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Specializes in school nurse. Has 31 years experience.

The "unheard of" staffing ratios and the "two weeks of mandatory OT per pay schedule" absolutely killed me...?

ruby_jane

ruby_jane, BSN, RN

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Specializes in ICU/community health/school nursing. Has 14 years experience.

I'm sitting silently jiggling-laughing. States indeed are reaching out to retired nurses and I'm like....dude, there's a reason they retired.

Tenebrae

Tenebrae, BSN, RN

1 Article; 1,806 Posts

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative. Has 11 years experience.

We get paid twice a month so an extra 2 weeks worth of overtime on top of that,

No thanks

NurseBlaq

NurseBlaq

1,756 Posts

Good thing we're nurses because if it gets this bad we'll all have to take care of ourselves and our family. The only two weeks mandatory overtime and you're welcome took me out though. ?

BostonRN

BostonRN, BSN, RN

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Specializes in ER, critical care, PACU, fertility, school nursing. Has 12 years experience.

That’s a big no from me. At first I didn’t realize this was satire!

SCRN1982

SCRN1982

11 Posts

HealthSteam ???

Tenebrae

Tenebrae, BSN, RN

1 Article; 1,806 Posts

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative. Has 11 years experience.
On 8/30/2020 at 8:02 AM, BostonRN said:

That’s a big no from me. At first I didn’t realize this was satire!

opps neither did I

CKPM2RN

CKPM2RN, ASN, EMT-P

330 Posts

Specializes in Emergency. Has 6 years experience.

8:1! If they could, they would. 

nikkulele77

nikkulele77, BSN

6 Articles; 23 Posts

Specializes in ED, ICU, Public/Community Health. Has 21 years experience.
17 hours ago, SCRN1982 said:

HealthSteam ???

Right? Full steam ahead - like it's so much fun

kbrn2002

kbrn2002, ADN, RN

3,729 Posts

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis. Has 21 years experience.

Only two weeks of mandatory OT per pay period? What a deal!! Sign me up!! ?

michaelb

michaelb, BSN, RN

15 Posts

Specializes in ICU. Has 24 years experience.

oh boy, what a future

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