Nurse dates doctor openly at work.

[castle]

What do you think about a nurse who dates the doctors she works with. We have a nurse in our unit that is doing that. It is quite embarrasing when relatives of the patients are asking how long they have married. When doctor is actualy married to someone else. Our unit has brought this to the attention of the unit manager, but she does not share our concerns. Is this right.

[URO-RN]

as long as the nurse and the doc keep things private i don't have a problem. i think that sometimes it's the co-workers of the person in question who make it a big deal.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

That is what we don't know---but patients noticing to me, is a big problem. IF they see it so do staff. And how do they feel, one of their dr's having an affair with a coworker????

I have been through this twice before with coworkers having affairs with married doctors (in both cases all parties were married to other people, matter of fact). Now, Tweety, you know, I am not the moral police but..... Both times were disgustingly open and very disruptive and not to mention, had the gossip mills going for months and in one case, years now.

In one case, it nearly tore up our unit cohesion. It was very hard to work with this nurse and doctor in any capacity. Managers turned the other way. I want to know why should our cohesion and professional ability to do our jobs with a minimum of "office drama" be sacrificed for anyone's LOVE LIFE????

You are all right in this: What people do in their spare time should be none of my business. I do NOT want to know about your love life as a coworker---unless you are a friend confiding in me. CERTAINLY my patients need not know, nor worry it. That is my concern here.

I see what you're saying. Except how do the patients know they are not married to each other, but other people and are having an affair? Do the one's having the affair tell them, or do they listen to the gossip of coworkers.

It's sad that someone elses love life can tear up a unit's cohesion. It must not have been a very tight unit if that's all it took to disrupt it. Not that I'm minimizing the impact of two married people having an affair. When they approach patients it shouldn't be as a couple in love, but a professional doctor and nurse. Again, this is where direct confrontation, rather than turning to management might have been effective. People could have ignored it, called them on it each and every time they acted out, saying "that's not appropriate, I'm not talking to you and I'm ignoring you", rather than have the gossip mill running for years.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

If the pts. are questioning it, that's a problem that needs addressed.

[URO-RN]

some people just L_O_V_E to brag about their personal lives....I for one don't. The less they know about my private life the better.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I still say appearances at work do matter and disruption should be kept to a minimum. I also admit, my experiences DO color my POV here. These two need to tone it down, whatever IS going on, for appearances' sake. People are noticing and it's not positive.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I see what you're saying. Except how do the patients know they are not married to each other, but other people and are having an affair? Do the one's having the affair tell them, or do they listen to the gossip of coworkers.

It's sad that someone elses love life can tear up a unit's cohesion. It must not have been a very tight unit if that's all it took to disrupt it. Not that I'm minimizing the impact of two married people having an affair. When they approach patients it shouldn't be as a couple in love, but a professional doctor and nurse. Again, this is where direct confrontation, rather than turning to management might have been effective. People could have ignored it, called them on it each and every time they acted out, saying "that's not appropriate, I'm not talking to you and I'm ignoring you", rather than have the gossip mill running for years.

How tight it was you are right---not very. But even a tight unit can be disrupted severely by such behavior. That was the case in the second scenario. They were a tight group of nurses who had worked together for YEARS when this thing happened. The dr and employee , very long-standing and wellknown. They still talk about how disruptive it was today...years later. That is a problem, to me. Something two professionals ought to know better than to perpetrate. And if you have management and admin who will simply look the other way, or let the doctor off on this stuff, no matter how cohesive a unit is, it can rip things all apart, even if for a little while.

Keep it out of the workplace. What you do at the bar or at home, I do not care. This ain't General Hospital, is all I am saying.

And it will be the NURSE who feels the most heat from this friendship/affair/whatever. Count on that.

[Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN]

some people just L_O_V_E to brag about their personal lives....I for one don't. The less they know about my private life the better.

I on't even talk about my personal life or anything about me that goes on outside AT work. The extent of what they know, i go to school, i live in an apartment, i'm engaged to someone named Matt. And they don't know Matt's occupation, which i'm sure if they they did, that would get jaws to flapping, since he works for a competing hospital.

Quite a few people here have accused me of being closed off, not open to friendships or whatever, but sorry, i LIKE the two to be separate, i DON'T want them mixed. I want no where near the rumor mill, i don't care if any of it's true or not.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Keep it out of the workplace. What you do at the bar or at home, I do not care. This ain't General Hospital, is all I am saying.

And it will be the NURSE who feels the most heat from this friendship/affair/whatever. Count on that.

I agree on botj points. It should be kept out of the workplace, and when it's not the nurse will feel the brunt of the "heat".

I still don't understand giving two people the power to disrupt a tight-knit unit without addressing it head on first (and we all know management is no help whatsoever).

Personally, I wouldn't waste a moment's thought on other people's behavior, as long as it doesn't affect me or my patients. I'm not giving them the space in my head, nor the power to disrupt my professional life, nor am I gossping behind their back. That's how units are disrupted not by their behavior but people's responses to it. That's their garbage, it stinks, but I can plug my nose and go on with my life.

[SmilingBluEyes]

It's as simple as poor management and administration turning the other way. And a matter of this doctor being well-established and very powerful, til he did himself in, career-wise. He got away with outrageous behavior for years but it was only a matter of time before some very evil and ill deeds (not affairs) did him in. I could not have been happier when he left. Unfortunately, he is now somebody else's problem in another state.....

And that nurse? Her life is a wreck, a soap opera in and of itself. She did not recover so easily. Now---None of this is stuff I should know. She was certainly no friend of mine. It did make work almost unbearable at times for many of us....

But that was a long time ago. See how it sticks in my memory? What some dont' seem to grasp is I (and many people like me) simply are not into the gossip mills. I really do NOT want to know such personal and impertinent things----- and am usually the last one to know anything. However, I think I have the right to practice in a workplace where professionals behave accordingly, not like they are at a dating service or the bar. It's not a matter of my sticking my nose where it does not belong or worrying every moment what others are up to. There is a way to behave at work and getting cutesy among dr/nurses is not one of them. And certainly patients commenting on it would indicate there is probably a big problem....

If I seem to take umbrage, I am sorry Tweety. I don't mean to be harsh, but this really does strike a strong nerve in me.

[rnlately]

I think this is definitely a big deal. I live in small town America and situations as this are absolutely a big deal. First, it doesn't look good and doesn't go over well with the patients and citizens. Second, it puts the coworkers in a compromised position when the spouses of the parties involved become knowledgeable of the affair. Not to mention that it causes hard feelings when there is favoritism shown to the nurse involved and I must add it's probably most embarrasing when the dirty laundry is aired.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

It's as simple as poor management and administration turning the other way. And a matter of this doctor being well-established and very powerful, til he did himself in, career-wise. He got away with outrageous behavior for years but it was only a matter of time before some very evil and ill deeds (not affairs) did him in. I could not have been happier when he left. Unfortunately, he is now somebody else's problem in another state.....

And that nurse? Her life is a wreck, a soap opera in and of itself. She did not recover so easily. Now---None of this is stuff I should know. She was certainly no friend of mine. It did make work almost unbearable at times for many of us....

But that was a long time ago. See how it sticks in my memory? What some dont' seem to grasp is I (and many people like me) simply are not into the gossip mills. I really do NOT want to know such personal and impertinent things----- and am usually the last one to know anything. However, I think I have the right to practice in a workplace where professionals behave accordingly, not like they are at a dating service or the bar. It's not a matter of my sticking my nose where it does not belong or worrying every moment what others are up to. There is a way to behave at work and getting cutesy among dr/nurses is not one of them. And certainly patients commenting on it would indicate there is probably a big problem....

If I seem to take umbrage, I am sorry Tweety. I don't mean to be harsh, but this really does strike a strong nerve in me.

I guess it's because you've been there and done that and I haven't, that I am not seeing how it could possibly make work unbearable. Obviously being 46 years old I've seen and done a lot of things, but someone elses immoral love life effecting a job, nope haven't done that. I'm trying to comprehend it but just can't, so I'll take your word for it.

Yes, I've seen and worked with people's whose love life even pushed my moral standards (which are very live and let live). But basically we were able to carry on our jobs as usual and morale was only minimally affected, certainly the very public affairs of others didn't make work unbearable (amusing at times, but not unbearable).

Mind you I wasn't condoning the behavior, just not seeing how it needs to be disruptive to others in how they conduct themselves and their jobs. I think the responsiblity lies in some ways to the coworkers that allowed it to disrupt their jobs (not just management and administration). No one is innocent here and no victims either. KWIM?

Sorry if I'm sounding closed minded.

I have on two occasions seen two married male MD's conduct affairs with nurses. One nurse wised up and cut it off. The other was dumped by the MD, who was 40something and loved young blondes, it was disgusting to watch him hit on the them and see the woman eat it up giggling like a school girl. But it's their stuff and certainly didn't disrupt the unit.

[URO-RN]

I on't even talk about my personal life or anything about me that goes on outside AT work. The extent of what they know, i go to school, i live in an apartment, i'm engaged to someone named Matt. And they don't know Matt's occupation, which i'm sure if they they did, that would get jaws to flapping, since he works for a competing hospital.

Quite a few people here have accused me of being closed off, not open to friendships or whatever, but sorry, i LIKE the two to be separate, i DON'T want them mixed. I want no where near the rumor mill, i don't care if any of it's true or not.

Same here.

Even when people talk about others private lives in the report room,l get up- and leave. I don't want to hear it and I don't want to share.