nurse & dr affair, what should I do? - page 6
Just found out that one of our nurses (divorced w/ kids) is having an affair w/ a married doc. it is disguishing! what would you do if you were me? I think it is totally unethical to have a work... Read More
Nov 11, '06Occupation: Haemetology nurse Specialty: Oncology/Haemetology/HIV ; From: US ; Joined: May '02; Posts: 7,040; Likes: 7,483To the OP: What should one do in such a situation? If the situation is not impairing patient care or physical harming a staffer or patient, one MINDS THEIR OWN BUSINESS.
And when one mentions "unprofessionalism" in a post, one leaves oneself open to criticism if the communication is not clear and professional.Last edit by sirI on Nov 11, '06 : Reason: TOS
Nov 11, '06Occupation: Haemetology nurse Specialty: Oncology/Haemetology/HIV ; From: US ; Joined: May '02; Posts: 7,040; Likes: 7,483Quote from DixiecupNo, you can't pick who you fall in love with. But you can control what you do about that love. We are separated from lower animals by our ability to control our behavior.Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.
Nov 11, '06Specialty: OR ; Joined: Oct '05; Posts: 536; Likes: 24Quote from buddiageYeah, I know, why bother being married at all really, if you aren't going to be monogomous. I mean, you don't really even NEED to be married anymore, even to have kids so IMHO, if you do get married, you should give it all you got. But some people subscribe to that whole "open marriage" thing and in my mind gossip and sticking ones nose in other people's business causes more harm to nursing than nurse/doctor hanky panky. We don't all make the same choices in life and I'm a firm believer in karma. For all we know, the wife could be having her own illicit fun with the pool boy or something...Niiiice...
Well, after all is said and done, the bottom line to the OP: I totally agree with you that it's disgusting, but you do have a voluntary choice to not be anything more than professional with either of them whose behavior lacks serious class. I wouldn't get involved, even though it would make me puke, and I'd be sure that I wouldn't be close friends with them.
I have to say, if I were the wife of the doctor, I'd want to know so I can get on with my life instead of hanging on to a guy who can't make up his mind.
Nov 11, '06Specialty: OR ; Joined: Oct '05; Posts: 536; Likes: 24Quote from SmilingBluEyesAgreed, although some people are sensitive to the point where if a differing viewpoint is expressed, feelings get bruised. I had the beginning of my post "edited" because I made a little joke about the of a word. (disguishing, to be exact)I even put a little smiley after it so everyone would know I was kidding. Unfourtunately, this is what this society has come to...one must second guess every joke, every opinion, because someone may not like it. I did not use profanity and the tone was lighthearted. I myself make lots of spelling errors, especially when typing. (in today's ultra PC atmosphere, I would be considered "keyboard challenged") Oh well, I'm sure it's not the first time I've had the "feelings police" in an uproar, and it certainly won't be the last!! Just as a heads up to everyone, I'm someone who can laugh at myself and the mistakes I make..just wish more people didn't take themselves so goshdarn seriously!Nobody is attacking anyone. I do see others offering the advice she asked for.
Nov 11, '06Joined: Nov '05; Posts: 574; Likes: 445This is a difficult situation. I can see why you are conflicted, and I can see why many are saying to ignore it. That may be the best way. Allow me to offer a different perspective. Suppose it was fact that your co-worker was having an affair. Let's put ourselves in the other spouses shoes. Let's say you were the wife or husband of the cheater, and you would come to his/her place of work. The nurses would say hi, and start friendly chatter with you. Would you want them to mind their own business and allow you to play the fool, or would you want one of them to tell you what was going on?
I find it extremely brazen to either acknowledge or carry out an affair at your place of work where your spouse knows you work. That is one sure way of getting caught and/or adding so many different dynamics. It is almost as if they don't care, or want to get caught. If you don't know his wife, then I would surely leave it be. I would talk with the co-worker though. They should get the hint to "hide" the affair. God is there to judge.
Nov 12, '06Occupation: Clinical Nurse Specialist Specialty: 18 year(s) of experience in Pedatrics, Child Protection ; From: CA ; Joined: Sep '06; Posts: 224; Likes: 199I remember being in your shoes years ago. The *affair* was obvious to everyone on staff and we all handled it the same way.....
With the world's largest group eye roll.
In the end, the RN was fired (for reasons other than her relationship) and life went on. Even the staff who were totally disgusted forgot about it in the end.
Sure, it grosses you out...but you'll get over it.
Nov 12, '06Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 1,394; Likes: 216Keep out of it. Pray for them. Are you sure there isn't maybe, and please pardon me for even thinking the thought, just a little jealousy?
Nov 12, '06Occupation: RN Specialty: ER ; Joined: Aug '06; Posts: 515; Likes: 352Quote from Sonn"Who gossips to you will gossip of you".
I've never heard that before, but is so true.
Nov 12, '06Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 1,394; Likes: 216but dammit I AM A CHRISTIAN and at least I have the decency to hide it!!!!!!"
Were you kidding or for real about advocating hypocrisy? Mind you, I know we all have many sins and that most of us hide most of them.
Nov 12, '06Joined: Jul '06; Posts: 1,394; Likes: 216Sandee, just wondering - how did you find out? You probably don't have all the facts. Stay out of it is my best advice, unless you can sit down with your colleague quietly and privately and be straightforward with her. Even then, it's probably better to listen and keep mum.
Nov 12, '06Occupation: SAHM, for now. From: WI, US ; Joined: Feb '04; Posts: 2,574; Likes: 322Quote from LZRNActually, I was thinking the same thing!Sounds to me as if you have some unresolved issues of your own? I'm no psych Dr, but I did sleep at a holiday-inn express last night!
I'm with the NOYB crowd. If it's not affecting the delivery of quality patient care or affecting the general work area without getting into personal issues, just let them be.
Nov 13, '06Joined: Apr '04; Posts: 666; Likes: 239Quote from UKRNinUSAI do agree, you can say no, and sometimes it can be difficult but you can do it. All I was trying to point out was that affairs usually start the same way normal relationships do. Some conversation, you find you have a lot in common, you click, more conversation, you become good friends, and then BAM! There you have it, there you are.I have to agree with stevielynn and destiny 5 - you CAN choose who you fall in love with. This kind of thinking reminds me of the battered, abused woman who stays with her "man" saying "But I can't help it, I have to stay with him, I love him." You CAN walk away from an inappropriate relationship -I know, I moved 6,000 miles away from home to get away from one.
Or, what do I know. Maybe he just walked up to her one day (or vice versa) and said, hey, you wanna hop in the sac?
Anyway, yes, a strong person can walk away, obviously she doesn't want to be that strong!