nurse & dr affair, what should I do?

Nurses Relations

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Just found out that one of our nurses (divorced w/ kids) is having an affair w/ a married doc. it is disguishing! what would you do if you were me?

I think it is totally unethical to have a work place affair, it just makes me sick to even have to work with these people.

Please help and explain to me why people are doing unprofessional things like that?:uhoh21:

It would be really hurtful if gossip is being spread around that is not true. Additionally, if the affair is true, does gossiping about it affect your nursing culture in a negative way?

How do you feel about this...see new thread "Changing harmful nursing culture"

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Specializes in Psychiatry, Case Management, also OR/OB.

What goes around comes around....

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the md who 'lets off steam' is probably lying to the one he is fooling around with..maybe the reason that his wife is not receptive is because he does put in the time and effort that he does to someone he intends to dump as soon as a new conquest looms over the horizon

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I must say who cares?, That nurse may get special treatment but so what, just do your job and MYOB> I have worked in every job imaginable before I got into nursing and this happens everywhere. I was actually shocked at some of the things I witnessed with my own 2 eyes. I am no one to judge anyone, and no one trully knows what goes on in any relationship. I must say infidelity is sooooooo commonplace; all you can do is live how you believe. You would be surprised at how many people and which people are having affairs, I think personally they should keep it on the down low but oh well. I have to agree with the one comedian who said "these people who get on these talk shows about their affairs and woman who don't know who their babie's daddy is just terrible!, now I am not passing judgement on them personally or saying that I don't get involved in immoral behavior but dammit I AM A CHRISTIAN and at least I have the decency to hide it!!!!!!":lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
have you ever been in love? unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. people don't just wake up one morning and say "gee, i think i'll start an affair today". it usually just gradually happens before you know it.

although it does sound like she could be a little more discreet since he is married. if it's not meant to be it'll blow up in their faces soon enough, until then i agree with the other posters, mind your own business.:stone

i've been in love, and although you cannot always choose who you fall in lust with, with can choose what you do about it. affairs don't 'just happen before you know it.' they're a series of small steps, and you can decide whether or not to let each step happen.

people can wake up each morning and decide not to have an affair.

that said, i'll add my voice to the dozens saying to mind your own business. if it's not your husband, it's not your business.

ruby -- who once walked in on a married nurse and a married doctor in flagrente

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

To the OP: What should one do in such a situation? If the situation is not impairing patient care or physical harming a staffer or patient, one MINDS THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

And when one mentions "unprofessionalism" in a post, one leaves oneself open to criticism if the communication is not clear and professional.

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.

No, you can't pick who you fall in love with. But you can control what you do about that love. We are separated from lower animals by our ability to control our behavior.

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Specializes in OR.
Niiiice...:uhoh3:

Well, after all is said and done, the bottom line to the OP: I totally agree with you that it's disgusting, but you do have a voluntary choice to not be anything more than professional with either of them whose behavior lacks serious class. I wouldn't get involved, even though it would make me puke, and I'd be sure that I wouldn't be close friends with them.

I have to say, if I were the wife of the doctor, I'd want to know so I can get on with my life instead of hanging on to a guy who can't make up his mind.

Yeah, I know, why bother being married at all really, if you aren't going to be monogomous. I mean, you don't really even NEED to be married anymore, even to have kids so IMHO, if you do get married, you should give it all you got. But some people subscribe to that whole "open marriage" thing and in my mind gossip and sticking ones nose in other people's business causes more harm to nursing than nurse/doctor hanky panky. We don't all make the same choices in life and I'm a firm believer in karma. For all we know, the wife could be having her own illicit fun with the pool boy or something...:lol2:
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Specializes in OR.
Nobody is attacking anyone. I do see others offering the advice she asked for.
Agreed, although some people are sensitive to the point where if a differing viewpoint is expressed, feelings get bruised. I had the beginning of my post "edited" because I made a little joke about the spelling of a word. (disguishing, to be exact)I even put a little smiley after it so everyone would know I was kidding. Unfourtunately, this is what this society has come to...one must second guess every joke, every opinion, because someone may not like it. I did not use profanity and the tone was lighthearted. I myself make lots of spelling errors, especially when typing. (in today's ultra PC atmosphere, I would be considered "keyboard challenged") Oh well, I'm sure it's not the first time I've had the "feelings police" in an uproar, and it certainly won't be the last!!;) Just as a heads up to everyone, I'm someone who can laugh at myself and the mistakes I make..just wish more people didn't take themselves so goshdarn seriously!:lol2:
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"Who gossips to you will gossip of you".:barf01:

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This is a difficult situation. I can see why you are conflicted, and I can see why many are saying to ignore it. That may be the best way. Allow me to offer a different perspective. Suppose it was fact that your co-worker was having an affair. Let's put ourselves in the other spouses shoes. Let's say you were the wife or husband of the cheater, and you would come to his/her place of work. The nurses would say hi, and start friendly chatter with you. Would you want them to mind their own business and allow you to play the fool, or would you want one of them to tell you what was going on?

I find it extremely brazen to either acknowledge or carry out an affair at your place of work where your spouse knows you work. That is one sure way of getting caught and/or adding so many different dynamics. It is almost as if they don't care, or want to get caught. If you don't know his wife, then I would surely leave it be. I would talk with the co-worker though. They should get the hint to "hide" the affair. God is there to judge.

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Specializes in Pedatrics, Child Protection.

I remember being in your shoes years ago. The *affair* was obvious to everyone on staff and we all handled it the same way.....

With the world's largest group eye roll.

In the end, the RN was fired (for reasons other than her relationship) and life went on. Even the staff who were totally disgusted forgot about it in the end.

Sure, it grosses you out...but you'll get over it.

Cheers,

RNAnnjeh

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