Not just a waitress

Triddin · Jul 25, 2018

I was probably meant as a joke, not as something deragatory

Daisy4RN · Jul 25, 2018

"I keep replaying this one minute experience in my head, and I can't tell if I feel guilty for not validating his apology more, or if I am annoyed with his perception of a nurse"

It was probably both. I would not feel guilty about it though, you managed to muster a half smile and moved on, no harm done there. I have had similar experiences and done exactly the same thing because it is a shock sometimes and annoying. I do try to put it in context with that particular patient and family, maybe it was just a bad joke, maybe they are always obnoxious people, maybe just really don't understand etc., sometimes depending on that I may say something further. What also irritates me is when patients yell at you from the room , nurse nurse, I have on occasion just gone into the room and said, yes patient can I help you, sometimes they get it and apologize. Don't worry about it, you didn't do anything wrong except have a human response!

psu_213, BSN, RN · Jul 25, 2018

He probably meant it as a joke--obviously not a very good one--or else he would not have apologized. People do try to use humor when they are nervous. I think you handled it appropriately--accept the apology, don't make a big deal of it, and move on to take care of the patient.

Sour Lemon · Jul 25, 2018

Hi everyone! Quick rant (that has most likely been vented about before). Had a post-op patient on the floor the other day. She rang her call bell and asked for some water, to which I went and got some. I entered the room with a smile and handed her her water, and her husband said: "Ahhhh, here's your lovely waitress." I didn't acknowledge his comment, simply lifted the corners of my lips to try to hide the unamused shock that I am sure was on my face.
He must have realized what he said, because he apologized about twenty seconds later saying "I am so sorry. I don't know why I just downplayed your profession, I am just nervous." I said "that's okay" and left the room...I feel bad because I understand the anxiety of family members after their loved one has had surgery. But after running around on my feet for ten hours, I just couldn't find the energy to even respond to him.
I keep replaying this one minute experience in my head, and I can't tell if I feel guilty for not validating his apology more, or if I am annoyed with his perception of a nurse.

It sounds like a joke to me, too ...almost like he felt guilty about his wife being "demanding" (even if she wasn't being).

JKL33 · Jul 25, 2018

Oddly enough, he may even have meant it as somewhat a compliment or message of appreciation. He himself knew that it didn't come out that way, which is why he apologized.

I understand your initial inward reaction, but boy there's nothing better than getting to the point where you take things as they come without having that immediate inward negative response. It's not easy, but its something to work toward IMO; you can train yourself to have a different reaction to things like this by kind of "desensitizing" yourself. Have a practiced plan for what you will do when you encounter a situation that would normally irk you. For instance: Recite a mantra, take a deep breath, relax your muscles, smile, speak only with a pleasant voice, etc. Over time you will have trained yourself to (inwardly) respond in a calm and pleasant way, and before you know it you won't even have that initial reaction any more.

A lot of patients' reactions to what they're going through don't have to affect us nearly as much as we think.

Try this! I highly recommend it.

Good luck~

City-Girl · Jul 25, 2018

People can say or do things that we might take offense to when they are really nervous, uncomfortable or worried. Try not to be too offended by comments made by patients and their families and get use to the fact that sometimes people are going to say insensitive things during your career as a nurse. It's a really long time until retirement to get yourself worked up over something a patient's family member said. You know how hard you worked to get where you are, and not everyone can achieve their goal of becoming an RN. Some days you may feel like people are treating you like a waitress, a really well-paid waitress who just might save their family member's life. Be proud of that!

oceangirl1234 · Jul 25, 2018

Thank you for the replies and great advice everyone!

missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN · Jul 25, 2018

If his wife was demanding, he may have been pointing this out for her benefit, a hint to quit being so demanding. My sarcastic nature would've responded "Well don't forget to tip" with a little wink, then abruptly turned and walked out.

**LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM** · Jul 26, 2018

I can't believe he actually apologized. That's so refreshing that I would view the whole thing as a positive experience. As someone who is relatively sensitive and sometimes lets little comments or interactions "get" to me, I can tell you that time and experience does make it better, I'm a lot tougher than I used to be.

Davey Do · Jul 26, 2018

Had a post-op patient on the floor the other day. She rang her call bell and asked for some water, to which I went and got some. I entered the room with a smile and handed her her water, and her husband said: "Ahhhh, here's your lovely waitress."

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amzyRN · Jul 26, 2018

Honestly, that's how I felt working on the floors, like a glorified waitress at times. That's one of the reasons I left floor nursing. I probably would have joked back and asked him about my tip. You've got to let things like that roll off your back. But it's kinda an eye opener though becauase that's the direction nursing is being pushed, to be about customer service. Hospitals are even modeling themselves after hotels now.