Sorry this is so long. I'm feeling really depressed and not too good. There's this girl at me work place and she's really, really controlling. I wish I could tell you guys the whole story but I'm afraid that people at my work might belong to this forum and know who I'm talking about. Anyway, she's the type of person who yells and screams and talks behind your back and backstabbs if you don't do things her way.
Last Wednesday, she took a two-hour lunch break(she gets paid for lunch breaks). Later on, I heard her in my boss's office yelling and screaming and them two arguing about something. The door was closed and I was next door with the door closed but I could hear them anyways. I thought, wow, she's really scary. I thought that them two must have been arguing about her going out to a restaurant for two hours and charging him for it because she does this sort of thing all the time. No, actually my boss told me later that she was really pissed at me for not doing something very, VERY(and I mean very) insignificant the way she wanted me to do it.
Okay, I guess I'll tell you if u want to understand better. I was training someone and I wanted to show them the equipment they'd be working with and turn the equipment on and let them see what it does before giving them a whole long lecture on the equipment and how its used. She wanted me to give them a lecture first and I listened to her tell me this and I said no three times, I don't want to do things that way, I want to show it to her first. She didn't listen to me and kept smiling her angry smile and saying, no, do it this way. I kept saying, NO, I didn't want to bomboard her with information that she's not going to understand becasue she hasn't seen how the equipment works yet. This girl is the type of person that gets very angry when you say no but I persisted because I'm sick of it and I'm sick of her. She kept repeating to me, No, do it this way(she's not my superior, by the way, just another co-worker) without giving me a reason (other than she just wanted to controll how things were done). I finally said, sure, sure. And when she left, I said, Okay, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to show you how the equipment runs first. SHE found out and she BLEW UP and both me and the other girl were like, "What is that?" when we heard her screaming curses next door. Then, the girl came out, said to me and the girl I was training that she was going home and smiled at the girl and said, "Happy turkey day" and left without saying anything to me.
After she left, my boss told me that she was really really pissed. The whole time she was cursing and screaming, it wasn't about her and her lunch break: it was about me and the girl said that I don't listen to her. I then asked my boss if I could not work with her anymore because she freaks me out and becasue I actually don't like being around her too much becasue of other freaky stuff she does. When I first started working there, she would confide in me stuff like how she loved "b******* people" and how she loved how powerful and in control it made her feel to be running tests on people and telling them what to do. She lied to me and told me that she wasn't trained with anyone else when actually the last girl who was training with her quit. She is also the type of person who talks meanly about people behind their backs and then smiles at them when she meets up with them two minutes later. She ALWAYS tries to control the way I do EVERYTHING and so far, I've let her because I've been scared of her and becasue she gets angry and threatening when you don't agree to let her control you. So she brings me down and I don't feel good at work because of her. I wish I could quit to get away from this girl but I need my job. I'd really like it if she stayed as far away from me as possible or if I could stay as far away from her as possible.
But be said, no, and that I shouldn't run away from my problems.
I don't deserve to be used as an emotional trashcan like this. She is scary and she screams and yells and intimidates and controls when she doesn't get what she wants. She takes advantage that I am a shy person who gives in easily to intimidation and uses me as some kind of scapegoat for her own frustrations. I'm so upset and anxious that I can't think when I'm at work and it amkes it even worse that my boss won't help me. I wish someone would tell her, No, you can't scream and shout to intimidate other people. No, you can't control everything that Susanna does or how she thinks.
Thanks for listening. I don't know what do do or how to make myself feel better or stronger. I have been crying for the past few days. I don't want to go back to work where I'd have to work with a controlling, manipulative person again.
I am relieved to be away from the totally disfunctional things that were going on, wacked-out people, and the way I felt when I was there, but God, it is depressing not having a job.
susanna,
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through.
It sounds like you may have a non-assertive nature; I do too. But in my very short time of experience, I have learned it is best to go ahead and let her have it one good time, and she'll leave you alone. People like that know who they can push and who they can't. They like the thrill of pushing people to their limits. Raise holy h%^& and make her scared of you. She'll think you're the crazy one and leave you alone. May not seem morally right, but it works.
Glad your day went a little better. Keep up the good work with asserting yourself in little ways like you did today. I am in your corner. Keep us posted.
You need to decide whether you can live with the situation as it is or not. If the answer is "not," then you need to change it. You can either:
1. Avoid her
2. Ignore her and simply ignore her tirades
3. Confront her
4. Have a heart-to-heart with someone at work who might be able to help you (your boss, an educator, a more senior nurse, etc.)
5. Transfer to another unit
6. Quit your job
The decision is up to you. It sounds to me as if you need to stop giving this person the power to control your well-being and take control of the situation. Stop being a victim. Regardless of the strategy you choose, there will probably be some negative outcomes of your actions as well as some positive ones. Decide on a course of action, act, and then be prepared to deal with whatever negative outcomes accompany your acts. For example, if you think you may have to change jobs -- find a new one before you do anything to endanger your old one.
The decision is up to you. But if you choose to do nothing, then take responsibility for making that choice and recognize that you have chosen to live with this situation as it now stands. That will at least give you a sense of control that might make you feel a little bit better.
llg
I agree. So much of what I read in these posts concerns someone's reactions to another's action-be it physician, manager, coworker, whatever-and what can I do to change that person's behavior. Well, you don't have the power to change another's behavior. All you can do is change your response to it. I'm old and it took me a long time to realize that, but since I let go of the responsibility to change everyone, and concentrated only on myself, it's been a lot easier.
Sorry this is so long. I'm feeling really depressed and not too good. There's this girl at me work place and she's really, really controlling. I wish I could tell you guys the whole story but I'm afraid that people at my work might belong to this forum and know who I'm talking about. Anyway, she's the type of person who yells and screams and talks behind your back and backstabbs if you don't do things her way.
I don't deserve to be used as an emotional trashcan like this. She is scary and she screams and yells and intimidates and controls when she doesn't get what she wants. She takes advantage that I am a shy person who gives in easily to intimidation and uses me as some kind of scapegoat for her own frustrations. I'm so upset and anxious that I can't think when I'm at work and it amkes it even worse that my boss won't help me. I wish someone would tell her, No, you can't scream and shout to intimidate other people. No, you can't control everything that Susanna does or how she thinks.QUOTE]
Alrighty then...You have what the folks in Human Resources call a "Hostile Working Environment." This is covered by most institution's policy and procedure, and more importantly is covered by LAW. You don't have to work in this environment.
If you put your manager on notice that you consider this environment to be hostile due to the actions and behaviors of this "co-worker", you can then go over your manager's head if nothing is done about this prima-donna nurse.
You don't have to put up with that behavior. DON'T!
I dont know about the rest of you..but when I read this sentence, a few red flags went up. When does a female worker get to confront her male boss by hollering and screaming? What female worker takes 2hr lunches at a restaurant and charges her boss for it?
Anyway, the point is, Susanna, you're going to have to solve this one on your own. I have a feeling your boss is not going to help you - and going over his head may get you fired.
There is LIFE out there, you can find another job! You NEED to find another job.
We have a right to work in a NON-HOSTILE work environment. This is why people died for Unions and LABOR LAWS.
It is about time everyone stood up and said "I am not going to be abused by you!" Get a new job Bull*&^$#! Get a new boss. If he doesn't have the testicular fortitude to get rid of the dragon lady, then you have to move up to who ever is his boss. If he is the boss, then hit him where it hurts...his wallet.
It sounds to me that she is not a nice person are people allowed to behave like that these days, I know it is easy for me to say, but tell her to go sling her hook and that you are going to Human Resources if she does not change her attitude believe me in my experience that works and document all the times that she has been nasty and unresonable. :)
Hey guys,
Sorry this is so long. I'm feeling really depressed and not too good. There's this girl at me work place and she's really, really controlling. I wish I could tell you guys the whole story but I'm afraid that people at my work might belong to this forum and know who I'm talking about. Anyway, she's the type of person who yells and screams and talks behind your back and backstabbs if you don't do things her way.
Last Wednesday, she took a two-hour lunch break(she gets paid for lunch breaks). Later on, I heard her in my boss's office yelling and screaming and them two arguing about something. The door was closed and I was next door with the door closed but I could hear them anyways. I thought, wow, she's really scary. I thought that them two must have been arguing about her going out to a restaurant for two hours and charging him for it because she does this sort of thing all the time. No, actually my boss told me later that she was really pissed at me for not doing something very, VERY(and I mean very) insignificant the way she wanted me to do it.
Okay, I guess I'll tell you if u want to understand better. I was training someone and I wanted to show them the equipment they'd be working with and turn the equipment on and let them see what it does before giving them a whole long lecture on the equipment and how its used. She wanted me to give them a lecture first and I listened to her tell me this and I said no three times, I don't want to do things that way, I want to show it to her first. She didn't listen to me and kept smiling her angry smile and saying, no, do it this way. I kept saying, NO, I didn't want to bomboard her with information that she's not going to understand becasue she hasn't seen how the equipment works yet. This girl is the type of person that gets very angry when you say no but I persisted because I'm sick of it and I'm sick of her. She kept repeating to me, No, do it this way(she's not my superior, by the way, just another co-worker) without giving me a reason (other than she just wanted to controll how things were done). I finally said, sure, sure. And when she left, I said, Okay, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to show you how the equipment runs first. SHE found out and she BLEW UP and both me and the other girl were like, "What is that?" when we heard her screaming curses next door. Then, the girl came out, said to me and the girl I was training that she was going home and smiled at the girl and said, "Happy turkey day" and left without saying anything to me.
After she left, my boss told me that she was really really pissed. The whole time she was cursing and screaming, it wasn't about her and her lunch break: it was about me and the girl said that I don't listen to her. I then asked my boss if I could not work with her anymore because she freaks me out and becasue I actually don't like being around her too much becasue of other freaky stuff she does. When I first started working there, she would confide in me stuff like how she loved "b******* people" and how she loved how powerful and in control it made her feel to be running tests on people and telling them what to do. She lied to me and told me that she wasn't trained with anyone else when actually the last girl who was training with her quit. She is also the type of person who talks meanly about people behind their backs and then smiles at them when she meets up with them two minutes later. She ALWAYS tries to control the way I do EVERYTHING and so far, I've let her because I've been scared of her and becasue she gets angry and threatening when you don't agree to let her control you. So she brings me down and I don't feel good at work because of her. I wish I could quit to get away from this girl but I need my job. I'd really like it if she stayed as far away from me as possible or if I could stay as far away from her as possible.
But be said, no, and that I shouldn't run away from my problems.
I don't deserve to be used as an emotional trashcan like this. She is scary and she screams and yells and intimidates and controls when she doesn't get what she wants. She takes advantage that I am a shy person who gives in easily to intimidation and uses me as some kind of scapegoat for her own frustrations. I'm so upset and anxious that I can't think when I'm at work and it amkes it even worse that my boss won't help me. I wish someone would tell her, No, you can't scream and shout to intimidate other people. No, you can't control everything that Susanna does or how she thinks.
Thanks for listening. I don't know what do do or how to make myself feel better or stronger. I have been crying for the past few days. I don't want to go back to work where I'd have to work with a controlling, manipulative person again.
I was reading the forum and I can't help but smile. The situation is very familiar and does actually happen everywhere.:)
By nature, we still have our animalistic nature of becoming the predator whilst others become the prey.:chuckle It is only by social stigma and morality that curves such traits.
It is your choice however, which role you want to play.:uhoh21: You are the only one who can control the situation. I think the best thing to do is say NO firmly and stand up for it. Look her in the eye and don't waiver.:angryfire Bullies exists everywhere and unfortunately, some people put their weight if they see they can do so without any hassle.
Litigation is the last resort.... too much time, too much money and too much stress. You might as well look for a new job.
As for your boss?? Imagine him yelping or cowering.... running away with his tail tucked in his beeeeehind. That'll give you a good laugh and will definitely make you feel better.:rotfl:
:balloons: An eye for an eye...a tooth for a tooth!!! (B*tchy, yes....but sometimes, someone needs to do the dirty work)
It does not matter if your a nurse or not, you still have right and beleive me you have two choices that I can see, one of them is to leave and the other is to stand up to her, get legal advice if you have to, bullying and harrassing people is outlawed these days,
Specializes in medical with other stuff chucked in!.
Hey guys,
Sorry this is so long. I'm feeling really depressed and not too good. There's this girl at me work place and she's really, really controlling. I wish I could tell you guys the whole story but I'm afraid that people at my work might belong to this forum and know who I'm talking about. Anyway, she's the type of person who yells and screams and talks behind your back and backstabbs if you don't do things her way.
Last Wednesday, she took a two-hour lunch break(she gets paid for lunch breaks). Later on, I heard her in my boss's office yelling and screaming and them two arguing about something. The door was closed and I was next door with the door closed but I could hear them anyways. I thought, wow, she's really scary. I thought that them two must have been arguing about her going out to a restaurant for two hours and charging him for it because she does this sort of thing all the time. No, actually my boss told me later that she was really pissed at me for not doing something very, VERY(and I mean very) insignificant the way she wanted me to do it.
Okay, I guess I'll tell you if u want to understand better. I was training someone and I wanted to show them the equipment they'd be working with and turn the equipment on and let them see what it does before giving them a whole long lecture on the equipment and how its used. She wanted me to give them a lecture first and I listened to her tell me this and I said no three times, I don't want to do things that way, I want to show it to her first. She didn't listen to me and kept smiling her angry smile and saying, no, do it this way. I kept saying, NO, I didn't want to bomboard her with information that she's not going to understand becasue she hasn't seen how the equipment works yet. This girl is the type of person that gets very angry when you say no but I persisted because I'm sick of it and I'm sick of her. She kept repeating to me, No, do it this way(she's not my superior, by the way, just another co-worker) without giving me a reason (other than she just wanted to controll how things were done). I finally said, sure, sure. And when she left, I said, Okay, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to show you how the equipment runs first. SHE found out and she BLEW UP and both me and the other girl were like, "What is that?" when we heard her screaming curses next door. Then, the girl came out, said to me and the girl I was training that she was going home and smiled at the girl and said, "Happy turkey day" and left without saying anything to me.
After she left, my boss told me that she was really really pissed. The whole time she was cursing and screaming, it wasn't about her and her lunch break: it was about me and the girl said that I don't listen to her. I then asked my boss if I could not work with her anymore because she freaks me out and becasue I actually don't like being around her too much becasue of other freaky stuff she does. When I first started working there, she would confide in me stuff like how she loved "b******* people" and how she loved how powerful and in control it made her feel to be running tests on people and telling them what to do. She lied to me and told me that she wasn't trained with anyone else when actually the last girl who was training with her quit. She is also the type of person who talks meanly about people behind their backs and then smiles at them when she meets up with them two minutes later. She ALWAYS tries to control the way I do EVERYTHING and so far, I've let her because I've been scared of her and becasue she gets angry and threatening when you don't agree to let her control you. So she brings me down and I don't feel good at work because of her. I wish I could quit to get away from this girl but I need my job. I'd really like it if she stayed as far away from me as possible or if I could stay as far away from her as possible.
But be said, no, and that I shouldn't run away from my problems.
I don't deserve to be used as an emotional trashcan like this. She is scary and she screams and yells and intimidates and controls when she doesn't get what she wants. She takes advantage that I am a shy person who gives in easily to intimidation and uses me as some kind of scapegoat for her own frustrations. I'm so upset and anxious that I can't think when I'm at work and it amkes it even worse that my boss won't help me. I wish someone would tell her, No, you can't scream and shout to intimidate other people. No, you can't control everything that Susanna does or how she thinks.
Thanks for listening. I don't know what do do or how to make myself feel better or stronger. I have been crying for the past few days. I don't want to go back to work where I'd have to work with a controlling, manipulative person again.
She sounds like a nut-job. How does she treat the patients? I dread to think. It must be so stressful for you, but don't take it laying down - you have got rights. Your boss needs to get a backbone and do something about her, it's not as if he's not aware of the situation.
The situation is very familiar and does actually happen everywhere.:) 
Hellllllo Nurse, BSN, RN
2 Articles; 3,563 Posts
This sounds exactly like the job I just quit!
I am relieved to be away from the totally disfunctional things that were going on, wacked-out people, and the way I felt when I was there, but God, it is depressing not having a job.
susanna,
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through.
((((((((((HUGS))))))) to you!