No more rudeness!

Nurses Relations

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What is it going to take to change the nursing culture? I'm not talking about nurses eating their young necessarily, but just the superiority attitudes in general.

Here's my example: I went to the zoo the other day to take my mind off the NCLEX that I was unsure whether or not I passed. There were three girls sitting at a table beside me who were discussing the NCLEX (not ideal to get my mind off of it, haha). But one girl was saying that she would have been so upset if she didn't pass, and thinks if you don't pass the first time you shouldn't be a nurse. They were talking about one classmate in particular and saying how he failed and was such a loser and they would hate to know their nurse failed the NCLEX because that means you are stupid.

I've heard similar attitudes in the past. I mean, they were barely even nurses and already they have this attitude of not passing the NCLEX = you're a stupid person who shouldn't be a nurse. That is so bothersome to me as someone who considered not getting into the field due to the cattiness I had heard so much about.

Anyway, I personally think the education about kindness and consideration in the field needs to start early in nursing school to start changing the culture of nursing. It just seems like a high school clique issue that needs to be addressed before people hit the workplace. Am I the only one??

Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

OP, to be perfectly blunt, people are jerks and bullies everywhere. Not only other nurses, but some doctors and, often, our patients. My experience has been that most people are kind and good natured, but there is always someone who has the potential to set your mood back considerably. My advice is simply, don't let them. I agree that these attitudes are not acceptable, and you can do your part to make encouragement and patience a part of your practice. You will also need to learn to let go of comments like the one you overheard. Hanging onto it hurts only you, whereas dismissing it as someone's erroneous opinion takes nearly all the sting out of it. Good luck.

Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..

I want to propose, and maybe this came up already (I apologize if it did) but: OP, is it possible that usually this girls opinion would not have even made you bat an eye but you were oversensitive that particular day?

You said you were at the zoo to get your mind off the test.

I agree with the poster who says the 'rudeness' and 'eating of the young' stuff is more myth than reality. You can't believe it every time someone tells you they were mistreated by their fellow nurses.

I used to be a preceptor and I can tell you this for a fact: I've seen too many nurses who have messed up try to fall on the 'You're just being a nasty old nurse eating their young' when they are told what they're doing must be corrected.

Was training a young new grad who had decided I was a social retard who eats young nurses (never mind that I was only three years older than her age wise and only two years her senior a nurse). To her, I was a social retard because I couldn't understand why she needed to disappear into the bathroom for nearly an hour at the end of every shift. This extended absence from the unit went past report hand off time mind you. She was prettying herself up for going out after work. When I informed her the makeover had to wait until she was off the clock, she erupted and CRIED. Yes, she had tears and red eyes and all that........because I had attacked her. (sigh)

Now, imagine this girl later on that night, sitting at her computer on AN. "Oh, my preceptor is just another crabby know it all. I hate her. She eats the young." And I'm sure what it was that she had done, disappearing for an hour, would have been.....left out. (sigh)

Point is, don't get caught up in the whole thing about nurses hate each other. It's a bit of a myth.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Maybe it's just the school I was in? It was very catty just in the clinicals, and the hospitals I was in also. I don't know if that's just how it is in my experience, but based on other threads I've read on here it seems to also be an issue for other people.

You did describe them as "girls". Maybe they're just young and have a lot to learn.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
And very true, just something I thought might be nice to have addressed in a nursing program, we did not discuss workplace relations. For people who are just entering the workforce in general (I haven't worked as a nurse but have had other jobs) I think it can be difficult to get the hang of interpersonal dynamics and how it isn't high school anymore.

There are a lot of people who haven't figured out that life isn't one extended semester at high school. And I think you are right: maybe nursing schools should have at least one class on decorum and professional conduct.

The old school instructors used to drum it into their students. Maybe that shouldn't have gone the way of the cap.

I can see how these comments may have been upsetting, especially since you were worried about whether or not you had passed the NCLEX. And I agree that some people could use some education on expressing kindness and compassion for others. I also am of the opinion that passing the NCLEX on the first try doesn't equate to a good nurse, and that taking it more than once does not meet a bad nurse. I have a classmate that failed the NCLEX her first try and is very successful on a challenging thoracic PCU. I know another classmate that also didn't pass the first try, and is an excellent psychiatric nurse. I, myself, passed on the first try and found myself having to find another nursing job after my first one didn't work out. But, at the same time, this was just idle conversation between people on their day off. It wasn't at work or school, and they weren't directly sharing their opinion about the person to that particular person's face. What they said was unkind and untrue, but people are free to express themselves, especially on their days off, and sometimes that is not positive. It would be a different story if they were bullying someone at work or school or trying to intimidate them. But, it doesn't sound like they were, so there's not really much you can do.

Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

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Hello WheatGerm,

Sometimes, people define themselves - what they are worth, if you will - by comparing what they do (how, and how well) with others. I have seen many individuals elevating themselves by putting down others. It's not pretty but, when you think about it, it gives you some insights as to how they see themselves. And if I were to dwell a little more on the situation you provided, I might suggest that perhaps this was an indication of her/their own insecurities as well.

Also, and I admit I could be reading too much into this, I find it very telling that these three girls were putting down a fellow student who happened to be a guy. I hope it's just me...

Don't let others define your worth (unless it's your boss giving you your annual review! ;p ). Would you be a better nurse if you passed NCLEX the first time? I can't answer that. I don't think anyone can. I do know some people are "book smart" and others are more "practical smart." As someone already pointed out, NCLEX does not define you as a nurse.

Best of luck to you,

Dany

Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
I want to propose, and maybe this came up already (I apologize if it did) but: OP, is it possible that usually this girls opinion would not have even made you bat an eye but you were oversensitive that particular day?

You said you were at the zoo to get your mind off the test.

I agree with the poster who says the 'rudeness' and 'eating of the young' stuff is more myth than reality. You can't believe it every time someone tells you they were mistreated by their fellow nurses.

I used to be a preceptor and I can tell you this for a fact: I've seen too many nurses who have messed up try to fall on the 'You're just being a nasty old nurse eating their young' when they are told what they're doing must be corrected.

Was training a young new grad who had decided I was a social retard who eats young nurses (never mind that I was only three years older than her age wise and only two years her senior a nurse). To her, I was a social retard because I couldn't understand why she needed to disappear into the bathroom for nearly an hour at the end of every shift. This extended absence from the unit went past report hand off time mind you. She was prettying herself up for going out after work. When I informed her the makeover had to wait until she was off the clock, she erupted and CRIED. Yes, she had tears and red eyes and all that........because I had attacked her. (sigh)

Now, imagine this girl later on that night, sitting at her computer on AN. "Oh, my preceptor is just another crabby know it all. I hate her. She eats the young." And I'm sure what it was that she had done, disappearing for an hour, would have been.....left out. (sigh)

Point is, don't get caught up in the whole thing about nurses hate each other. It's a bit of a myth.

The sense of entitlement is strong with that young padawun learner. :no:

Seriously Im four years out of nursing and if I want to leave the floor early (and not be disciplined or loose my job) I make sure in advance that I've run it past my superior and gotten approval and not five minutes before i need to leave either

1st) admittedly, it's Saturday night and I'm post a couple of cocktails. (Thank you Sausalito!)

2nd) I'm going to be extra appreciative of all of the wonderful women I work with who would do anything to support each other.

3rd) Pre nurses are not nurses. I don't even think anyone is a bonafide nurse until they've face planted a few times and stuck with it to tell about it and help up their comrade. (You learn who you want in your fox hole).

4th) Everytime I think I've figured it out, I'm humbled by a big fat face plant and then I'm picked up by the grace of someone who's earned the right to call themselves a nurse, who's earned a few bruises and scars herself.

I've kind of forgot my point but it was something about don't criticize nurses before you've walked in their big thread bare shoes.

Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
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Pass me some with extra butter please!

OP, you will meet rude people in all walks of life. Yes, some of them are nurses and nursing students. Just because we're nurses doesn't negate the fact that we are human. We all have our flaws. You cannot control how others speak or act; you can only control how you respond.

Specializes in Geriatrics, Dialysis.
I understand that this happens in multiple workplaces, I think somehow I didn't do enough to focus on what I wanted to say and put in too much backstory. I wanted ideas at how this could be addressed in nursing schools specifically to hopefully improve the nursing workplace, that was really the meat of my question.

Sorry but this will probably never happen. I only say probably because well...never say never. College is adult education and students are expected to act adult. Creating a course teaching students how to behave like the adults they are suppose to be seems a little insulting to me.

Besides, nurses aren't catty, people are catty. I promise you this happens in every work place in every field. As you witnessed yourself [or should I say eavesdropped] it is by no means limited to the work place. Pretty much whenever people gather together there is a good chance that at some point those people will talk about other people.

You need THICK skin when you work as a nurse. You will hear ALL kinds of things from MDs, med students, CNAs, other nurses, nurses in a hurry who want to give your report, the resident who is MAD because team didn't bring him up to speed, lab cats who have a critical value to report NOW, etc etc. You will be so busy other people's opinions will be luxury you do not have time to consider. At least that is how I feel. First priority is keeping patients SAFE and giving them good care in the time I have...what other people think of me is none of my business unless they are there to evaluate and supervise me.

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