Night Shift Relationship Woes

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Specializes in ER.

So how do you deal with significant others on opposite shifts? I feel like my boyfriend doesn't get that I need my sleep. That he doesn't get my job isn't some mindless job that I push buttons.

we had a major fight two months ago when I was forced to sleep in our camper because he had his family coming over. Keep in mind I opted to pick up basically close to 200 hours of overtime in several weeks to help us get some extra cash so I was already stressed. He told his brother in law it's okay to mow the lawn so I was woken up. I wouldn't have been pissed if it was a neighbor but I was pissed at my boyfriend. He said I was rude and should apologize. I refused.

Now he offered to pay for a hotel room this weekend but then he changed his tune to they were only doing work Saturday (a day I didn't work). yesterday he springs it on me they were doing work all weekend including yesterday and tomorrow. He didn't work yesterday till after I left. I'm pissed about this. He knows I work Sunday. He claims he told me and he did. But then he changed it to just saturday. They didn't work friday till after I left because I threw a fit.

Am I being selfish in wanting to sleep well before working in an ER? That I may kill someone if I'm tired. I can have 5 or more patients with little or no ancillary staff. I could be triaging that night. He makes it sound like I am very selfish in my requests. Yes they are doing us a favor but it isn't like I am doing a job where I push buttons or stock shelves

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Specializes in Dialysis.

He needs to grow up! No, you're not selfish to want adequate rest to provide care...

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On your nights off, when he works in the AM, maybe that would be a good time for you to do some vacuuming and other household chores.

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Specializes in 8 years Telemetry/Med Surg, 5 years Stepdown/PCU.

He has to understand that just like he sleeps at night, your getting your night time sleep in the day. My husband and I work opposite shifts but he understands that I need sleep from 9-4

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Specializes in 8 years Telemetry/Med Surg, 5 years Stepdown/PCU.

Wake him up at 3 in the morning when he has to work by vacuuming in the room he's sleeping in, I bet he will understand after that

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I posted this somewhere else recently:

One Saturday about noon, my husband walked into our bedroom with our two toddlers (I had worked all night the night before and hadn't gone to bed until 8:30 am) and said "Are you going to sleep all damn day?!" I was SOOOOOO pissed.

He never did "get it." I hated nights and soon thereafter was moved to days, so this didn't end up being a huge issue. But if I hadn't switched shifts, I probably would have woken him up at 3am and said the same thing to him so he'd get a clue. It's been almost 19 years since that happened, and I can still remember it with a little annoyance!

You are going to have to have a talk with your bf about this, but don't do it in the moment where you are tired and cranky. Have this conversation when you are both calm and rested. If he continues to act this way, you may have some decisions to make about staying with someone who doesn't consider your health, well being, and sanity particularly important.

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Specializes in NICU, ICU, PICU, Academia.

The Nuclear Option (suggested above, re: vacuuming,etc) is not only highly effective, but immensely satisfying.

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Specializes in ER.

I feel better. When the first round happened with the lawn mower, other nurses at my job couldn't believe he would do that.

Although I suppose he will find out soon when I get a pager for the FD. Then he will understand why I don't like being woken up.

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My ex had a few issues with my work schedule. When I arrived home one morning, my ex was in the shower with cold water running while eating animal crackers. My ex's eyeliner was also running and it looked like a scene from a horror movie.

I had a long talk with my ex about our relationship and my ex decided to turn to p4p because I wasn't there during the evening or night. And daytime sex isn't the same. Now my ex has the highest hourly in the whole city.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Oncology.

I also work the night shift in the ER. My boyfriend (whom I live with) misses me when we don't get to sleep beside each other and will often wake me up earlier than I'd like after I crash post-shift. Your husband needs to realize that you are providing for your family with these night shifts. It seems like he's not showing you respect.

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

Your boyfriend needs to grow up. If he can't respect the fact you need to sleep, you may need to reconsider the relationship.

I suggest one night at 0300 waking him up by vacuuming or something else that is noisy.

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Specializes in Hospice.

Every time my hubby would wake me up I would make a phone call to him at 0300, he EVENTUALLY caught on and stopped!

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