So.... I'm returning to nursing after a long break.
It's cool, I get it I am the "new guy" and need to prove my competence again. But I really hate it when a provider just has to throw out the digs to put you "in your place." I hate my deer in the headlights response even more.
I'm really a competent, pretty likable, non assuming person. I don't want to start assuming there's an a ****** lurking beneath the surface of those I have to work with but I'm getting weary of being blindsided by snarky comments.
I just need a few non passive aggressive responses to tuck away to pull out so I can work my way past the snark and move on.
Judging from your replies, you have a snark problem yourself and may be unwittingly inviting it.
Make sure you aren't the problem before you start blaming other people.
The best way to deal with other people's snark depends on you. If you are uncomfortable dealing with it, ignore it until they get tired of not getting a reaction from you. If you are comfortable with being assertive, call them on their crap.
Since you seem to need specifics:
"Don't talk to me like that, I don't appreciate it."
"That comment must have sounded different in your head. Care to rephrase?"
"That was unprofessional. I expect to be treated appropriately."
"That was inappropriate."
"You seem hostile (upset, angry, like you're in a bad mood, whatever). Is there a problem?"
I have been known to say, "I don't have time for you to be a jerk. What orders do you want me to put in?" I don't recommend it, though, unless you are friends with the provider. That's a good way to get a meeting with HR, LOL!
Assume positive intent, work on building relationships, be super polite, don't ever lose your temper. DON"T ever be snarky.
This is my motto. I guess that's why I'm surprised so little has changed in the dynamics of healthcare interpersonal communication.
I am never "quippy/clever/snarky" in day to day interpersonal interactions. I mean...never. And I don't use never/ever/always lightly. In real life you say something nasty, ******, snarky to me I'm likely going to give you deer in the headlights with a pause of silence while thinking about what the positive intent was of what was just said to me.
So basically I'm taking from this thread....head down, let providers take out their frustrations on you, smile, be polite, let it slide, move on, do your job. I got it. Welcome back to healthcare. And I say this in freedom, no tart snark at all. It's just the way it is.
This is my motto. I guess that's why I'm surprised so little has changed in the dynamics of healthcare interpersonal communication.
I am never "quippy/clever/snarky" in day to day interpersonal interactions. I mean...never. And I don't use never/ever/always lightly. In real life you say something nasty, ******, snarky to me I'm likely going to give you deer in the headlights with a pause of silence while thinking about what the positive intent was of what was just said to me.
So basically I'm taking from this thread....head down, let providers take out their frustrations on you, smile, be polite, let it slide, move on, do your job. I got it. Welcome back to healthcare. And I say this in freedom, no tart snark at all. It's just the way it is.
You have not expanded much on the situation, so no one here knows if providers are "taking out their frustrations on you."
There's a difference between recognizing that you can't change other people's attitudes and getting on with your day vs putting up with serious mistreatment. Sometimes people draw that line in a different place than others. If there's no way you can improve the situation or benefit personally from making a fuss, I personally prefer not to make a fuss.
Passive Aggressive is a whole different thing, I think........but anyway...I, too, returned to an environment and became the "new guy (or girl)" once again. I also had and *have* the deer in the headlights look a lot. I use it to my advantage. In a very chaotic environment, I stay out of larger conflicts by not responding to people who are being snarky, sarcastic, or out of control (at times). I just look at them and walk away. If I did say something, it would be to re-direct the conversation or ignoring what was said. It works for me. I do feel frustrated sometimes, but I do think it is best. I feel, if I did address the remarks, it would open it up to a larger argument....and I need my job.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like you are looking for a pat response to any snarky comment directed at you. Impossible for us to provide. I agree with the other posters, be yourself, keep it professional and don't engage. Eventually you won't be the 'new guy' or some new distraction will come along. It's hard entering a dynamic where people have worked together for years and know each others idiosyncrasies.
Sorry there is no one-liner that can resolve this for you.
But I really hate it when a provider just has to throw out the digs to put you "in your place."
Are you trying to say you've never worked with providers that fling snark?
Do you want examples or something?
I think that examples of what you perceive as snark would have been helpful.
I just need a few non passive aggressive responses to tuck away to pull out so I can work my way past the snark and move on.
Any favorites?
To me, this really is difficult to reply to when you haven't provided specific examples.
I agree with Pangea Reunited. I don't believe in having a supply of "ready-made" responses. Unless you can predict what particular snark will be aimed your way, they would likely not fit the situation anyway.
If a coworker (physician, nurse, anybody) is rude or disrespectful to me, I'll simply deal with the unwanted behavior in a straightforward fashion. Look the person in the eyes and tell them that the way they are behaving is unacceptable or tell them that while I can understand that they might be experiencing some job-related stress, that they kindly find a better coping strategy than taking it out on me (whichever is appropriate in that specific situation). I won't break eye contact once I'm done talking nor will I smile, I'll simply wait for them to respond or acknowledge what I've just said. Just remain calm but make it clear to the person how you wish to be treated.
I don't believe in reacting to snark with "retaliatory snark". First of all, I see no reason to stoop to their level and also, it doesn't really give the other person the opportunity to offer an apology for their behavior, in case they should be so inclined.
I hate my deer in the headlights response even more.
You are not responsible for the rude behavior of other people, however you are the only one who can draw the line on what you think is acceptable treatment of you.
I am naturally assertive and have also had lots and lots of practise. From the above quote, I suspect that you might find it a bit more difficult to stand up for yourself? You say that you hate your own response to these situations. I don't think that you need a set of ready-to-use responses as much as I think that you need to figure out a way to convey to others how you wish to be treated.
I might be way off base here, I'm just sharing how I interpret your posts.
So basically I'm taking from this thread....head down, let providers take out their frustrations on you, smile, be polite, let it slide, move on, do your job.
I can't say I agree with this strategy at all. You are employed as a nurse, not as an emotional punching bag. I see no reason why letting coworkers take out their frustrations on you should be in your job description.
I think that examples of what you perceive as snark would have been helpful.
To me, this really is difficult to reply to when you haven't provided specific examples.
I agree with Pangea Reunited. I don't believe in having a supply of "ready-made" responses. Unless you can predict what particular snark will be aimed your way, they would likely not fit the situation anyway.
If a coworker (physician, nurse, anybody) is rude or disrespectful to me, I'll simply deal with the unwanted behavior in a straightforward fashion. Look the person in the eyes and tell them that the way they are behaving is unacceptable or tell them that while I can understand that they might be experiencing some job-related stress, that they kindly find a better coping strategy than taking it out on me (whichever is appropriate in that specific situation). I won't break eye contact once I'm done talking nor will I smile, I'll simply wait for them to respond or acknowledge what I've just said. Just remain calm but make it clear to the person how you wish to be treated.
I don't believe in reacting to snark with "retaliatory snark". First of all, I see no reason to stoop to their level and also, it doesn't really give the other person the opportunity to offer an apology for their behavior, in case they should be so inclined.
You are not responsible for the rude behavior of other people, however you are the only one who can draw the line on what you think is acceptable treatment of you.
I am naturally assertive and have also had lots and lots of practise. From the above quote, I suspect that you might find it a bit more difficult to stand up for yourself? You say that you hate your own response to these situations. I don't think that you need a set of ready-to-use responses as much as I think that you need to figure out a way to convey to others how you wish to be treated.
I might be way off base here, I'm just sharing how I interpret your posts.
I can't say I agree with this strategy at all. You are employed as a nurse, not as an emotional punching bag. I see no reason why letting coworkers take out their frustrations on you should be in your job description.
I appreciate the thoughtful responses today. I can also appreciate that it is difficult to know I'm not causing a problem or really on the receiving end of snark without specific examples. I don't feel I can be too specific.
I can say that I know it's not appropriate to give me the verbal shake down (loudly, angrily, in earshot of patients and staff) for not being aware of a provider's personal quirky preference that is not written into their standing orders when a simple "in the future I'd prefer it if......" would have sufficed.
And/or snarling about being "sick and tired of the poor planning on the unit" when asking for an epidural for a patient in active labor who is newly arrived to the unit (so how is this in anyone's control...it's not...sorry it's just the way it is).
I never asked for snarky, quippy, sarcastic retorts....but specifically a non-passive-aggressive-please-help-me-replace-the-stunned-deer-in-headlights response. But I realize now that is just too broad. I've imagined a few of my own potential general polite but assertive responses that could work and leave me feeling better about things instead of run over by a truck. And probably I just need to own the deer in the headlights look and rename it "glazed over you don't affect me look".
Judging from your replies, you have a snark problem yourself and may be unwittingly inviting it.
Make sure you aren't the problem before you start blaming other people.
If there is one thing I am confident in it is that I am exceedingly polite, accommodating and professional in my interpersonal interactions at work and personal life. Internet? Maybe not so much.
The best way to deal with other people's snark depends on you. If you are uncomfortable dealing with it, ignore it until they get tired of not getting a reaction from you. If you are comfortable with being assertive, call them on their crap.
I'm not really comfortable with calling people on their crappy behavior. I expect people to behave. I just don't want to be walked on, pushed under the bus, or used a punching bag.
Since you seem to need specifics:
"Don't talk to me like that, I don't appreciate it."
"That comment must have sounded different in your head. Care to rephrase?"
"That was unprofessional. I expect to be treated appropriately."
"That was inappropriate."
"You seem hostile (upset, angry, like you're in a bad mood, whatever). Is there a problem?"
I can imagine saying "You seem angry/upset. Is there a problem?"
I'm not wanting to antagonize anyone. I just want them to know I hear them but am not accepting the attitude.
I have been known to say, "I don't have time for you to be a jerk. What orders do you want me to put in?" I don't recommend it, though, unless you are friends with the provider. That's a good way to get a meeting with HR, LOL!
Ha! Maybe in the future to a friendly but attitude-y provider....but not today :)
Look a "snarker" squarely in the eye, with a serious, thoughtful expression, and say "duly noted." Another second or two of a thoughtful look, followed by a nod and carry on.
Okay no problem. I've never been accused of being too cute or too familiar but there's always a first time. I think my question is pretty clear and I'm not sure how I could clarify any more. Thanks for taking the time to try and set me straight though.[/quote
They don't understand that the $$ are SS.
Lavender Skies - How about saying "You are so mean. You must be a really unhappy person". Or similar remark.
canigraduate
2,107 Posts
Judging from your replies, you have a snark problem yourself and may be unwittingly inviting it.
Make sure you aren't the problem before you start blaming other people.
The best way to deal with other people's snark depends on you. If you are uncomfortable dealing with it, ignore it until they get tired of not getting a reaction from you. If you are comfortable with being assertive, call them on their crap.
Since you seem to need specifics:
"Don't talk to me like that, I don't appreciate it."
"That comment must have sounded different in your head. Care to rephrase?"
"That was unprofessional. I expect to be treated appropriately."
"That was inappropriate."
"You seem hostile (upset, angry, like you're in a bad mood, whatever). Is there a problem?"
I have been known to say, "I don't have time for you to be a jerk. What orders do you want me to put in?" I don't recommend it, though, unless you are friends with the provider. That's a good way to get a meeting with HR, LOL!