So.... I'm returning to nursing after a long break.
It's cool, I get it I am the "new guy" and need to prove my competence again. But I really hate it when a provider just has to throw out the digs to put you "in your place." I hate my deer in the headlights response even more.
I'm really a competent, pretty likable, non assuming person. I don't want to start assuming there's an a ****** lurking beneath the surface of those I have to work with but I'm getting weary of being blindsided by snarky comments.
I just need a few non passive aggressive responses to tuck away to pull out so I can work my way past the snark and move on.
Tuck the B S away...you don't need to carry that around with you. It happens to most of us, and the ones it hasn't happened to aren't aware enough to know. Don't let them get under your skin. When you need help ask; other than that watch your p's and q's.
It doesn't matter where you go, it's going to happen to some degree. Let it slide off your back. Miserable people want to make other people miserable (misery loves company). They're not happy, so they project. I love Urban Dictionary's definition of projection paragraph 3. Urban has got it down in layman's language very well IMO.
Nursing is a miserable career in so many places. I haven't worked in many places, but I've only worked in one where there was harmony and staff and management were real in their intentions to get along. I look back; wonder if it was a dream sometimes. All other places I'v worked are cutthroat, and management could care less. Some places, if you make enough waves, will get rid of you.
The nice place I once worked had monthly staff meetings, where things like this were talked over and solutions found.
When you put on your listening ears you will hear projection all over; even on this forum in responses that are usually negative.
Up and at'em there nurse; jump through those hoops like you mean it. At the same time you don't want to end up being a stepping stone for the unhappy. An intricate balance when to show them enough is enough. It's not by sound bytes...
It's true that if you have an issue with another nurse you talk to the nurse first before going on to other measures...so do that if necessary, but not in front of others. If the other nurse doesn't want to play ball than follow p/p on complaints against staff. That will be the first question they will ask you if there's a review about anything...if you tried to talk to the other person. If it's a doctor, go to your charge and up and up if need be.
Good luck to you, and congratutions on becoming a nurse, and getting a job.
Exactly! I thought actual dollars were being discussed:yes:
Lol sorry! :)
PS I wasn't being sarcastic when I asked if you needed examples in order to understand. I didn't give them to start with because I'm really looking more for a general way of responding to crappy behavior more than to specifics. I'm sorry if I sounded abrupt. It was feeling like I was just gonna have my experience discounted. And I'll admit I'm feeling sensitive after having been repeatedly pecked at these last couple months....I probably just need to toughen up.
I don't think that you have been mean or vicious here. I think that through text, it's really hard to tell if someone is being snarky, because people can't hear tone of voice through Internet. You seem frustrated about your situation but sincere.
Any-who, you sound like me. I am polite and sensitive. I am actively trying to change that things get under my skin when people are acting innapropriate, rude or unprofessional. I don't have many problems at work and none of my coworkers or providers have been rude (at least not that I can recall.)
But family members of my patients can be rude. I realize it is due to grief/sadness/anger/denial (all the good stuff!)
So, I am always polite and professional back to them. And a couple of times I got very stern (but still kept my cool and acted appropriately.)
i had had a family member blaming me for a pharmacy screw up. The medication was not delivered and it was 100% not my fault. The medication was on its way to be there the next day. And this woman still gave me a hard time, yelling, pointing her finger in my face.
Well, that is the day that I grew some really tough skin. I took the volume of my voice up a notch but still did not raise it, and I said, "Please do not raise your voice to me. I understand that you are upset and you have every right to be, but Please understand that I have done, and am doing, everything in my power to advocate for your father, and for you."
she actially calmed down right away! Before I got assertive with her, I kept saying, "im really sorry" and had the deer in headlights look on my face too. When you are in a situation with someone who isnt controlling their anger well, if you act too passive, they'll assume you are either not listening, not competent, or that you are a punching bag. If you act assertive and professional, you come off like somebody who is listening, wants to meet their needs, but will not be treated poorly.
My advice* say what is on your mind but be professional.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
Thanks Hppy, I'm glad you're back to work and people are being kind. :)
I have to say that I LOVE my new coworkers. It's pretty great to find a group of people this large getting along and getting it done. Thankfully I'm not receiving a lot of snarky comments. It's just the random stuff that anyone (and especially the new guy) would get, and it just catches me off guard. I guess if I just was expecting to be snapped at when a provider is stressed or in a bad mood it wouldn't catch me by surprise. My last job (which was non nursing) we all stepped all over ourselves in consideration and politeness. Then again we weren't dealing with high intensity life and death stress. Guess I just need to "suck it up buttercup"...put my big girl panties on and focus on the good stuff. :)
One thing you have to remember is there are a lot of big egos in the hospital setting and doctors are some of the worst. I suspect that really good surgeons often suffer from Narcissistic Personality disorder and that makes them really hard to deal with. I currently work in Psych and doctors at the facility are very good to us nurses. After all we are the one's who rush in and save their asses when patient goes sideways.
I didn't give them to start with because I'm really looking more for a general way of responding to crappy behavior more than to specifics. I'm sorry if I sounded abrupt. It was feeling like I was just gonna have my experience discounted. And I'll admit I'm feeling sensitive after having been repeatedly pecked at these last couple months....I probably just need to toughen up. 
tyvin, BSN, RN
1,620 Posts
Tuck the B S away...you don't need to carry that around with you. It happens to most of us, and the ones it hasn't happened to aren't aware enough to know. Don't let them get under your skin. When you need help ask; other than that watch your p's and q's.
It doesn't matter where you go, it's going to happen to some degree. Let it slide off your back. Miserable people want to make other people miserable (misery loves company). They're not happy, so they project. I love Urban Dictionary's definition of projection paragraph 3. Urban has got it down in layman's language very well IMO.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=5&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwj74_7Yl-zMAhVL8GMKHSRaDhwQFghZMAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.urbandictionary.com%2Fdefine.php%3Fterm%3DProjection&usg=AFQjCNEvP2NaCpjFV05PXEgAh_aDAnGUpA&sig2=o2WBVotO83jTteZISDVNPQ
Nursing is a miserable career in so many places. I haven't worked in many places, but I've only worked in one where there was harmony and staff and management were real in their intentions to get along. I look back; wonder if it was a dream sometimes. All other places I'v worked are cutthroat, and management could care less. Some places, if you make enough waves, will get rid of you.
The nice place I once worked had monthly staff meetings, where things like this were talked over and solutions found.
When you put on your listening ears you will hear projection all over; even on this forum in responses that are usually negative.
Up and at'em there nurse; jump through those hoops like you mean it. At the same time you don't want to end up being a stepping stone for the unhappy. An intricate balance when to show them enough is enough. It's not by sound bytes...
It's true that if you have an issue with another nurse you talk to the nurse first before going on to other measures...so do that if necessary, but not in front of others. If the other nurse doesn't want to play ball than follow p/p on complaints against staff. That will be the first question they will ask you if there's a review about anything...if you tried to talk to the other person. If it's a doctor, go to your charge and up and up if need be.
Good luck to you, and congratutions on becoming a nurse, and getting a job.