My boyfriend is still unvaccinated

[vio]

My boyfriend and I (20s) have been dating nearly 2 months. In the beginning when I met him, he told me he hadn’t had his first dose yet. But he said he will get it soon. Every single time it’s the same story, he swears he’ll get it, then the next time I see him he still hasn’t gotten it. He says he’s just lazy. Swears he’s not an anti-vaxxer.

Recently the gov’t mandated vaccine passports to enter restaurants and other indoor establishments like theatres. He showed me a forged receipt he made with Photoshop. I was upset at him and said he shouldn’t be doing that. He asked me why I care so much.

Almost everything is perfect about our relationship except this one thing. I work for Public Health in Covid response and I have literally done everything this pandemic, last year I’ve worked in the hospital as a floor nurse treating Covid patients, I’ve done contact tracing and health education for Covid patients as part of public health, I even spent months giving and preparing vaccines. 

He knows all this, I tell him how horrible this Covid *** is, and still he is too lazy to do the one thing he can do to help end the pandemic. He cannot take 30 minutes out of his day to go to ANY pharmacy and get the shot.

I tell him if he doesn’t care about his health, fine, but do it for me. I know fully vaccinated people have less chance of getting sick but there’s still a chance that I could carry it. 

My friends are judging me because my boyfriend is unvaccinated. They don’t know why I’m with him. I love him and I care for him but I’m reaching the end of my rope. He always says he’ll get it but he never ever does. I’m seriously tired and hurt by his inaction and indifference.

Am I overreacting? Sometimes I feel like I am, but sometimes I feel like I’m not reacting enough.

[turtlesRcool]

51 minutes ago, jive turkey said:

 The biggest risk would be to his own rather than that of others. He can carry and spread it with our without the vaccine. 

This smacks of false equivalency.  Yes, vaccinated people CAN carry and spread the virus, but they are far less likely to do so than unvaccinated people are.  Vaccines reduce the likelihood of transmission, even if they don't eliminate it.  I wear my seatbelt because it reduces the likelihood of being killed in a crash, not because it guarantees survival.  

Since an otherwise healthy 20-something is unlikely to have a serious complication from COVID, his risk as an unvaccinated carrier to vulnerable people is probably greater than the health risk to himself.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

2 hours ago, vio said:

I did take him to a pharmacy to get it, but unfortunately they had run out of doses. He always promises me he’ll get it but he never ever does.

Maybe I’m just overreacting? If I wasn’t a public health nurse, or any sort of healthcare worker, I probably wouldn’t give a damn. But I am…and I honestly can’t even believe I’m dating someone who cares so little about keeping others around him healthy and safe.

You are UNDER reacting. To this:

Quote

Recently the gov’t mandated vaccine passports to enter restaurants and other indoor establishments like theatres. He showed me a forged receipt he made with Photoshop. I was upset at him and said he shouldn’t be doing that. He asked me why I care so much.

You're focusing on the wrong thing here. He's dishonest. 

You've known him a whole 2 months. And he's already showing you his true colors. 

Quote

If someone tells you who they are, believe them. -Maya Angelou

 

[jive turkey]

24 minutes ago, turtlesRcool said:

This smacks of false equivalency.  Yes, vaccinated people CAN carry and spread the virus, but they are far less likely to do so than unvaccinated people are.  Vaccines reduce the likelihood of transmission, even if they don't eliminate it.  I wear my seatbelt because it reduces the likelihood of being killed in a crash, not because it guarantees survival.  

Since an otherwise healthy 20-something is unlikely to have a serious complication from COVID, his risk as an unvaccinated carrier to vulnerable people is probably greater than the health risk to himself.

The seatbelt example you gave, speaks against your point not in favor and smacks false equivalency.  Your seatbelt protects YOU.  It does nothing for anyone else.  So how does your seatbelt example equate to mandating a person to take a vaccine on the premise it protects someone else?

Quantify "far less likely to spread" and "reduce the likelihood".  Factor in emerging reports that the viral load in the vaccinated is similar to the unvaccinated.  

 

[macawake, MSN]

16 hours ago, jive turkey said:

Your seatbelt protects YOU.  It does nothing for anyone else.

That is absolutely not correct.

You wear your seatbelt to protect yourself AND anyone else who’s in the car with you. 
 

If you’re in an accident and not wearing a seatbelt, you can crash into the car interior, other passengers or be ejected from the vehicle. An average weighing adult will ”weigh” many thousands of pounds at the moment of impact (the exact number depends on the weight of the person and the speed and direction of the impact). 
 

Simulated frontal collision at 35 mph ( and we know we often drive a whole lot faster than that).

 

---

 

Seatbelts are actually quite similar to vaccines. We wear them or vaccinate to protect ourselves as well as anyone who happens to be in our physical vicinity.

[heron, ASN, RN]

Agreed, plus a driver has no chance of controlling the vehicle, thus possibly mitigating the damage in an accident, if unbuckled. Ask any professional driver.

[GordonGekko, MSN]

On 9/26/2021 at 12:48 PM, vio said:

My boyfriend and I (20s) have been dating nearly 2 months. In the beginning when I met him, he told me he hadn’t had his first dose yet. But he said he will get it soon. Every single time it’s the same story, he swears he’ll get it, then the next time I see him he still hasn’t gotten it. He says he’s just lazy. Swears he’s not an anti-vaxxer.

Recently the gov’t mandated vaccine passports to enter restaurants and other indoor establishments like theatres. He showed me a forged receipt he made with Photoshop. I was upset at him and said he shouldn’t be doing that. He asked me why I care so much.

Almost everything is perfect about our relationship except this one thing. I work for Public Health in Covid response and I have literally done everything this pandemic, last year I’ve worked in the hospital as a floor nurse treating Covid patients, I’ve done contact tracing and health education for Covid patients as part of public health, I even spent months giving and preparing vaccines. 

He knows all this, I tell him how horrible this Covid *** is, and still he is too lazy to do the one thing he can do to help end the pandemic. He cannot take 30 minutes out of his day to go to ANY pharmacy and get the shot.

I tell him if he doesn’t care about his health, fine, but do it for me. I know fully vaccinated people have less chance of getting sick but there’s still a chance that I could carry it. 

My friends are judging me because my boyfriend is unvaccinated. They don’t know why I’m with him. I love him and I care for him but I’m reaching the end of my rope. He always says he’ll get it but he never ever does. I’m seriously tired and hurt by his inaction and indifference.

Am I overreacting? Sometimes I feel like I am, but sometimes I feel like I’m not reacting enough.

 

 

 

 

His body his choice.  You shouldn't shame your spouse for making life decisions unless it is something like becoming overweight or doing heroin

 

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

20 minutes ago, GordonGekko said:

His body his choice.  You shouldn't shame your spouse for making life decisions unless it is something like becoming overweight or doing heroin

 

Not her spouse. Boyfriend of only 2 months.

They clearly are not compatible. She's nagging, he's lying to pacify her.

[K. Everly, BSN, RN]

You wouldn't be happy with him not getting the vaccine for philosophical or moral reasons, nor would you be happy with him not getting vaccinated due to laziness. 

I think this is an important learning opportunity in general for your relationship. 

I've been married for 8 years, with my husband for 11 years, and I've learned some key things. Firstly, it's important that we are on the same page on religious and deeply important philosphical/moral aspects of life. It's equally important that we recognize which hills are worth dying on.

Thankfully, we found that we were extremely compatible on the important topics while dating which is why we got married. So while we have undoubtedly faced a ton of trials in our lives, we've learned to respect the freedom of choice for each other on so many things, knowing that if we can agree on the bigger things, we're good to go. I totally respect my husband's ability to choose what he wants for many aspects of his own life. 

Is this a hill worth dying on for you? Is this pointing to broader questions of compatibility in the relationship? Only you can say for sure. 

[Guest219794]

8 hours ago, Horseshoe said:

Not her spouse. Boyfriend of only 2 months.

They clearly are not compatible. She's nagging, he's lying to pacify her.

If either of them actually existed, this might be true.

But it is awfully convenient that this new screen name just popped up to allow this "debate" to keep going.

There is a pathetic troller or two who have taken over this forum.  It is always possible that this is a real person who just wandered into this site, then provided a platform for an argument.  But given how convenient that is for this mystery troller, it just seems unlikely.

[renatanada]

Red flag(s). Dump him. 

[vio]

2 hours ago, hherrn said:

If either of them actually existed, this might be true.

But it is awfully convenient that this new screen name just popped up to allow this "debate" to keep going.

There is a pathetic troller or two who have taken over this forum.  It is always possible that this is a real person who just wandered into this site, then provided a platform for an argument.  But given how convenient that is for this mystery troller, it just seems unlikely.

I wish I was trolling. Is it so hard to believe that the highly polarizing issue of vaccines has also affected relationships? I specifically created an account on allnurses so I could get some nursing perspectives on my situation. If you think I'm lying, then maybe refrain from commenting. 

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

If this was all real and you truly wanted him to have then you would have gone to a different pharmacy to get the vaccine. It is available everywhere so the whole "out of doses" and no further attempts makes this feel like a made up situation in my opinion.