I want to apologize to the entire nursing profession and educators for being rude and unprofessional for the following reasons;
I am sorry that I feel that being sexually propositioned by another nurse was wrong. When he finally accepted that nothing was going to happen, his actions of pointing me out to patients, telling them my name, and stating that I like to wear women's clothing at home were entirely acceptable! How could I think otherwise? I was even told that his actions were appropriate work place behavior by human resources. How could I ever think that was wrong? At the same work place I went to a physician to request a medication. The physician immediately asked me if I was gay, and repeated the question when I did not reply. Again, how dare I think that was unprofessional! The almost identical scenario occurred another time when I was giving a report for a patient going to the cath lab. The nurse taking the report kept interrupting me asking if I was gay. I guess I am just an idiot for thinking that these behaviors were unacceptable.
I went to another place of employment. At this place I worked with a nurse that would scream (and I don't mean a whisper, but a scream) at the awful things I was doing. I didn't know I should not knock on the patient's door before going in! When I did She started screaming that "the patient will turn on the light when she was ready". I am really confused then why the patient asked what took so long after waiting for 20 minutes before knocking on the door again (no other nurse would approach that patient's door). What was I thinking! I don't know what possessed me another time. There was a file in the orders-to-be-done slot. There was a time noted on the first order, but no initials. The second order had scribbles that may have been initials, but no time. The third order had the first two digits written in the time spot that were the same as the first order. I checked with the patient who did not remember being medicated and did noit have an IV. When I could not locate another nurse, I finally asked the psycho nurse about the patient. This resulted in a 20 minute screaming episode where I was told that I owe her an apology for even asking her about it. Wow, I did not know how awful my actions were until that time! Another time that nurse came up behind me, grabbed the file I was writing my notes in, then threw it back down stating that was not the file she was looking for. I totally get it now! I am just a rude person, how dare I do things like that! The company policy was to have a nurse out in triage throughout the day and night. No one was going out at night so I started going out every time I worked (this also served to get away from that very professional nurse that was always showing me the errors of my ways). So now the other nurses get mad at me because suddenly there was a nurse that wanted to sit in triage. Anybody want to guess who that was? The rest of the staff stated that I could not go out to triage anymore (this is where you look up the term mobbing in the nursing literature). After about two weeks who was out in triage, no one. I stated watching the monitor of the waiting room so I would know if a patient walked in. That got me called a "pervert". Wow, the things I have been learning about myself. I apologize for writing the crazy nurse up. When I finally had my meeting with HR, I was informed that I had to "come up with what I did to cause the problem" or there is nothing that could be done. How silly of me to think that those behaviors were unprofessional. I think if I ever work again in nursing, that I will do those same actions because they are so accepted in the nursing profession. At the same meeting with HR I was accused of diagnosing a patient by their blood work. Yes, I admit it! The fact that the blood work had not been drawn has nothing to do with my willingness to diagnose people with it. I guess the next time a patient asks what does hemoglobin tell us in blood work I should just say that is none of your business instead of stating it tells us if you are anemic. I now understand that physicians love to answer every question that a patient has and if I ever work as a nurse again I will go to them with each and every patient's questions!
At the same place, I now understand that notifying the manager of an upcoming required re certification class two months before it was scheduled was just plain silly of me. When that months schedule came out and I was scheduled to work the day of the class I went to the manager and informed her of the issue. She asked when I had notified her. When I said two months ago she stated that I notified her "too early" and that it should have been only a one month notification. She then stated she would take care of the problem. One week later I notified her again because I hadn't heard anything more. I then found out that she had left on vacation for two weeks. How could I ever think that a two month notification was acceptable? How could I think that when my manager stated she will take care of the problem that she wouldn't? I am sorry for my ignorance! I totally deserved working that 12 hour night shift and then going to an eight hour class!
I quit and after about a year and a half I applied to another hospital system. During the interview I related some of the professional behaviors I had been subjected to as a reason for leaving my former employers. That got me labeled as "stressed" by the HR. Listen HR people, if your are going to say something like that at least have the courtesy to do it where the person cannot hear you. Then during the next part of the interview I was informed "I don't think you have the intelligence to past our tests". Really?
I remember telling my Christian college's dean about these issues to be met with "why do you keep bringing that up". Oh, I don't know, why do women keep bring up the subject of sexual harassment? Maybe because all harassment is wrong? This even applies to so-called Christian and other nursing colleges!
Now I quit working to get away from the abuse. I quit the Master's program and then was kicked out of the college when I tried to reinstate. I was told that I had violated the school code (Yes, because I was sexually harassed by a married man makes me the homosexual, how could I think differently?). I don't understand why if I had violated the student code why this was not noted in my formal dismissal letter? I now understand that bringing up lateral nursing violence and sexual harassment is wrong. It is even worse to complain about it!
I have been without work for over three years now. If not for my Mom's health problems that I am taking care of, I would be homeless. I have been turned down for every job I have applied for (over 20 of them now) during these past few years. All I hear is how we need nurses. I apply for an RN position and I am turned down. MSN jobs just turn me down (because of my age, lack of recent employment? who knows) I am sorry that I quit my previous jobs. I should have just accepted the abuse as normal professional nursing behavior, again my apologies for thinking that nursing is professional. It really is more of a wild west show where the victim is the cause of the problems.
Unemployed and will probably never work again in the nursing profession,
Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this.
I have never been bullied at work. You are correct that bullies choose their victims carefully. They want easy targets, not strong, confident types that stand up for themselves. You admit that there is no way you could be bullied now, because you have evolved from the person you were earlier in your career. But I've always been the type who has no patience for that kind of behavior, so bullies and passive aggressive types have always steered clear of me. I think others who state that they have never been bullied are likely also the kind that bullies instinctively know to avoid. So it's really not surprising that a fair amount of posters will insist that they haven't ever been bullied...because they actually have not.
The crazy train ain't stopping or even showing signs of slowing down. Nursing is always going to have at least its share of crazy you have to accept it to maintain any level of sanity in my opinion. I often feel frustrated with other nurses and the sick culture that working on a high stress 24/7 unit can give birth to. My answer was to basically punch out of the BS. I strive NOT to form personal relationships with others at work and try to draw businesslike boundaries and after a while it worked and the whole drama tide started to pass me by. Oh yeah, I initiated NP studies also to leave the culture & make more money.
Nursing is not going to change. If you are to come back you need to and accept that you are going to be working some difficult folks who like to form packs and pile on
Exactly, this is what I did also, nice healthy professional boundaries will help. And as a wise person once told me, life is not fair, and it is your response that matters, 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.
Yeah Jon, it sounds like you're attempting to deal with a lot of psyche pain. If venting, appropriately as you did, on this website helps you to heal by all means, use it.
There are lots of other ways to deal with emotional pain and if you're open for consideration, there are some people here, like the above posters, who can be great virtual supporters.
The very best to you.
Davey, I just want to say that I love your responses. You are always so caring and kind and give helpful advice, even if it is hard to hear. Many were quick to read this post and think "Yikes, one flew over..." But you recognized OP's pain and were considerate and heartfelt in your response. Often times I think some posters "band-wagon" and will follow suit on being mean or being nice to an OP, your kind response, I feel, prompted others to have a kind response as well. Thank you for that.
Davey, I just want to say that I love your responses. You are always so caring and kind and give helpful advice, even if it is hard to hear. Many were quick to read this post and think "Yikes, one flew over..." But you recognized OP's pain and were considerate and heartfelt in your response. Often times I think some posters "band-wagon" and will follow suit on being mean or being nice to an OP, your kind response, I feel, prompted others to have a kind response as well. Thank you for that.
So true!! Davey is like a banjo. In the words of Steve Martin..."you just can't sing a depressing song when you're playing the banjo."
You are trivializing real life bullying that we all know is rampant in nursing. Neither I or the OP are describing such non issues as bullying. Personally I find the 12 hour shifts help break up the cliques that can contribute to bullying. Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this.
As to your silly condescending comments why can't someone say hello to everyone. It is simple courtesy, Hi how are you doing. I was an introvert, but have learned simple pleasantries go along way to team work and an uplifting environment. As to not eating with an orientee, you could have included her with your old friend. As to terse life and death moments you could even apologize that you were stressed. I tend to get short when I'm stressed, but I do apologize and my coworkers understand my imperfections and we get along fine.
There is no changing bullies, but to the rest of the nurses out there please remember to speak up if you see something, don't join in and please don't ignore it. You could be saving a life!
No, you are trivializing bullying by labelling every case of misunderstanding or hurt feelings no matter what the context as bullying. Then there is the matter of trying to dictate how others behave ... isn't that bullying, too?
You are trivializing real life bullying that we all know is rampant in nursing. Neither I or the OP are describing such non issues as bullying. Personally I find the 12 hour shifts help break up the cliques that can contribute to bullying. Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this.
As to your silly condescending comments why can't someone say hello to everyone. It is simple courtesy, Hi how are you doing. I was an introvert, but have learned simple pleasantries go along way to team work and an uplifting environment. As to not eating with an orientee, you could have included her with your old friend. As to terse life and death moments you could even apologize that you were stressed. I tend to get short when I'm stressed, but I do apologize and my coworkers understand my imperfections and we get along fine.
There is no changing bullies, but to the rest of the nurses out there please remember to speak up if you see something, don't join in and please don't ignore it. You could be saving a life!
I have to say, it seems as you are the one trivializing bullying.
Perhaps the person didn't hear you say, "good morning." Or that the preceptor wants to eat lunch in private with her good friend because she is having troubles at home? These are NOT examples of bullying.
But incidents where another staff member is literally screaming at another, or when a group of nurses refuse to assist another nurse in need (i.e., no one helps when a patient is circling the drain even though they could) ... when another staff member spreads terrible rumors ... these are behaviors of lateral violence.
Lumping examples such as, "Sally didn't say hello" with being yelled at by another nurse in front of a patient ... it creates a tremendous disservice to those truly affected by lateral violence.
Brandy1017, your reality is not my reality. I don't come to work every day with my fists doubled up looking for a fight or expecting to find bullying around every corner. I manage an 18-bed CVICU/Open Heart unit, and new nurses coming into my unit neither find bullying here nor do they bring bad attitudes in with them. I am not part of your supposed 'silent majority' and am in no way complicit with any abuse or bullying that you feel are rampant in your own workplace. I get along with coworkers because I choose to do so and because it would never occur me to do otherwise. You're obviously unhappy in your own job, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are.
No, you are trivializing bullying by labelling every case of misunderstanding or hurt feelings no matter what the context as bullying. Then there is the matter of trying to dictate how others behave ... isn't that bullying, too?
I didn't label every case of misunderstanding bullying. That is what the OP said. I said it was not, but I also said there was no reason not to be polite. I did not say being impolite or rude was bullying. There is a huge difference, but there really is no reason to be rude is there?
I reread my post and obviously did not make clear those incidents were not bullying, just maybe a little rude. I simply made suggestions of why not be friendly.
I have to say, it seems as you are the one trivializing bullying.
Perhaps the person didn't hear you say, "good morning." Or that the preceptor wants to eat lunch in private with her good friend because she is having troubles at home? These are NOT examples of bullying.
But incidents where another staff member is literally screaming at another, or when a group of nurses refuse to assist another nurse in need (i.e., no one helps when a patient is circling the drain even though they could) ... when another staff member spreads terrible rumors ... these are behaviors of lateral violence.
Lumping examples such as, "Sally didn't say hello" with being yelled at by another nurse in front of a patient ... it creates a tremendous disservice to those truly affected by lateral violence.
Again I was not the one to suggest this was bullying. I believe it was Ruby Vee who made these comments as proof people were oversensitive and claiming these instances were bullying. I merely responded to her comments by suggesting why be rude in the first place.
At the present time I'm not aware of anybody being bullied, at least on my unit. I can't speak for the hospital and I don't know what happened to the RN the ICU nurses were targeting. She probably moved on as there is extreme turnover in the ICU and constant mandation.
Brandy1017, your reality is not my reality. I don't come to work every day with my fists doubled up looking for a fight or expecting to find bullying around every corner. I manage an 18-bed CVICU/Open Heart unit, and new nurses coming into my unit neither find bullying here nor do they bring bad attitudes in with them. I am not part of your supposed 'silent majority' and am in no way complicit with any abuse or bullying that you feel are rampant in your own workplace. I get along with coworkers because I choose to do so and because it would never occur me to do otherwise. You're obviously unhappy in your own job, but that doesn't mean the rest of us are.
When I speak about the problem of bullying I speak about the experiences I dealt with as a new nurse, the experience other nurses share on this forum, and articles about the problem of lateral violence in nursing.
My speaking up about bullying does not mean I come to work looking for a fight. You don't know me, I work to pay my bills and I prefer to get along with people because it is easier and more peaceful. I don't know you either. I just know that many people were aware of the harassment and if they would have spoken up the bullying would have stopped much sooner. I truly believe that.
I don't know, maybe people are simply afraid to speak up because they are afraid they will be targeted next. I just have a hard time understanding that mind set in an adult.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
You are trivializing real life bullying that we all know is rampant in nursing. Neither I or the OP are describing such non issues as bullying. Personally I find the 12 hour shifts help break up the cliques that can contribute to bullying. Count yourself lucky if you haven't experienced this.
As to your silly condescending comments why can't someone say hello to everyone. It is simple courtesy, Hi how are you doing. I was an introvert, but have learned simple pleasantries go along way to team work and an uplifting environment. As to not eating with an orientee, you could have included her with your old friend. As to terse life and death moments you could even apologize that you were stressed. I tend to get short when I'm stressed, but I do apologize and my coworkers understand my imperfections and we get along fine.
There is no changing bullies, but to the rest of the nurses out there please remember to speak up if you see something, don't join in and please don't ignore it. You could be saving a life!
First, I'm not trivializing real bullying -- the posters who mischaracterized these things as bullying are the ones who trivialize real bullying.
I agree that saying hello to everyone is a simple courtesy. However, I've had new grads complain to me that Mikki was "mean to them" because they encountered her in the hospital lobby prior to her shift and she didn't say hello to them. Mikki is blind as a bat without corrective lenses, and she has a habit of driving to work in her glasses, leaving them in the car and putting in her contacts in on the unit before her shift. She probably didn't SEE the orientee. And she would have said hello had the orientee said hello first. Otherwise, it's a thousand bed hospital -- you just don't say hello to every fuzzy humanoid shape to wonder by.
Why should you have to include an orientee in a lunch with your old friend? It kind of defeats the purpose of having lunch with an old friend, especially if said friend (or preceptor) is going through a miserable divorce, making the decision to move Mom out of her house and in with you or to an ALF, has an issue with a child who is an addict and is needing to get the grandchild out of the situation or what have you. Surely an adult (and even new grads are supposedly adults) can eat lunch alone or with someone else without complaining of being bullied?
And some orientees, no matter how profusely, sincerely or publiclly you apologize just won't get over the idea that you were "mean to them" when you snapped at them for pushing that amp of epi into IV tubing dangling on the floor, asking you a trivial question about another patient when you were trying to explain to the physician the events leading up to the patient's arrest or getting reamed out for not following the plan of the day (ambulating three times before lunch) when patient arrested right after breakfast.
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Horseshoe, BSN, RN
5,879 Posts
I have never been bullied at work. You are correct that bullies choose their victims carefully. They want easy targets, not strong, confident types that stand up for themselves. You admit that there is no way you could be bullied now, because you have evolved from the person you were earlier in your career. But I've always been the type who has no patience for that kind of behavior, so bullies and passive aggressive types have always steered clear of me. I think others who state that they have never been bullied are likely also the kind that bullies instinctively know to avoid. So it's really not surprising that a fair amount of posters will insist that they haven't ever been bullied...because they actually have not.