I want to apologize to the entire nursing profession and educators for being rude and unprofessional for the following reasons;
I am sorry that I feel that being sexually propositioned by another nurse was wrong. When he finally accepted that nothing was going to happen, his actions of pointing me out to patients, telling them my name, and stating that I like to wear women's clothing at home were entirely acceptable! How could I think otherwise? I was even told that his actions were appropriate work place behavior by human resources. How could I ever think that was wrong? At the same work place I went to a physician to request a medication. The physician immediately asked me if I was gay, and repeated the question when I did not reply. Again, how dare I think that was unprofessional! The almost identical scenario occurred another time when I was giving a report for a patient going to the cath lab. The nurse taking the report kept interrupting me asking if I was gay. I guess I am just an idiot for thinking that these behaviors were unacceptable.
I went to another place of employment. At this place I worked with a nurse that would scream (and I don't mean a whisper, but a scream) at the awful things I was doing. I didn't know I should not knock on the patient's door before going in! When I did She started screaming that "the patient will turn on the light when she was ready". I am really confused then why the patient asked what took so long after waiting for 20 minutes before knocking on the door again (no other nurse would approach that patient's door). What was I thinking! I don't know what possessed me another time. There was a file in the orders-to-be-done slot. There was a time noted on the first order, but no initials. The second order had scribbles that may have been initials, but no time. The third order had the first two digits written in the time spot that were the same as the first order. I checked with the patient who did not remember being medicated and did noit have an IV. When I could not locate another nurse, I finally asked the psycho nurse about the patient. This resulted in a 20 minute screaming episode where I was told that I owe her an apology for even asking her about it. Wow, I did not know how awful my actions were until that time! Another time that nurse came up behind me, grabbed the file I was writing my notes in, then threw it back down stating that was not the file she was looking for. I totally get it now! I am just a rude person, how dare I do things like that! The company policy was to have a nurse out in triage throughout the day and night. No one was going out at night so I started going out every time I worked (this also served to get away from that very professional nurse that was always showing me the errors of my ways). So now the other nurses get mad at me because suddenly there was a nurse that wanted to sit in triage. Anybody want to guess who that was? The rest of the staff stated that I could not go out to triage anymore (this is where you look up the term mobbing in the nursing literature). After about two weeks who was out in triage, no one. I stated watching the monitor of the waiting room so I would know if a patient walked in. That got me called a "pervert". Wow, the things I have been learning about myself. I apologize for writing the crazy nurse up. When I finally had my meeting with HR, I was informed that I had to "come up with what I did to cause the problem" or there is nothing that could be done. How silly of me to think that those behaviors were unprofessional. I think if I ever work again in nursing, that I will do those same actions because they are so accepted in the nursing profession. At the same meeting with HR I was accused of diagnosing a patient by their blood work. Yes, I admit it! The fact that the blood work had not been drawn has nothing to do with my willingness to diagnose people with it. I guess the next time a patient asks what does hemoglobin tell us in blood work I should just say that is none of your business instead of stating it tells us if you are anemic. I now understand that physicians love to answer every question that a patient has and if I ever work as a nurse again I will go to them with each and every patient's questions!
At the same place, I now understand that notifying the manager of an upcoming required re certification class two months before it was scheduled was just plain silly of me. When that months schedule came out and I was scheduled to work the day of the class I went to the manager and informed her of the issue. She asked when I had notified her. When I said two months ago she stated that I notified her "too early" and that it should have been only a one month notification. She then stated she would take care of the problem. One week later I notified her again because I hadn't heard anything more. I then found out that she had left on vacation for two weeks. How could I ever think that a two month notification was acceptable? How could I think that when my manager stated she will take care of the problem that she wouldn't? I am sorry for my ignorance! I totally deserved working that 12 hour night shift and then going to an eight hour class!
I quit and after about a year and a half I applied to another hospital system. During the interview I related some of the professional behaviors I had been subjected to as a reason for leaving my former employers. That got me labeled as "stressed" by the HR. Listen HR people, if your are going to say something like that at least have the courtesy to do it where the person cannot hear you. Then during the next part of the interview I was informed "I don't think you have the intelligence to past our tests". Really?
I remember telling my Christian college's dean about these issues to be met with "why do you keep bringing that up". Oh, I don't know, why do women keep bring up the subject of sexual harassment? Maybe because all harassment is wrong? This even applies to so-called Christian and other nursing colleges!
Now I quit working to get away from the abuse. I quit the Master's program and then was kicked out of the college when I tried to reinstate. I was told that I had violated the school code (Yes, because I was sexually harassed by a married man makes me the homosexual, how could I think differently?). I don't understand why if I had violated the student code why this was not noted in my formal dismissal letter? I now understand that bringing up lateral nursing violence and sexual harassment is wrong. It is even worse to complain about it!
I have been without work for over three years now. If not for my Mom's health problems that I am taking care of, I would be homeless. I have been turned down for every job I have applied for (over 20 of them now) during these past few years. All I hear is how we need nurses. I apply for an RN position and I am turned down. MSN jobs just turn me down (because of my age, lack of recent employment? who knows) I am sorry that I quit my previous jobs. I should have just accepted the abuse as normal professional nursing behavior, again my apologies for thinking that nursing is professional. It really is more of a wild west show where the victim is the cause of the problems.
Unemployed and will probably never work again in the nursing profession,
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
I didn't label every case of misunderstanding bullying. That is what the OP said. I said it was not, but I also said there was no reason not to be polite. I did not say being impolite or rude was bullying. There is a huge difference, but there really is no reason to be rude is there?
I reread my post and obviously did not make clear those incidents were not bullying, just maybe a little rude. I simply made suggestions of why not be friendly.
Perhaps people are friendly and the "victim of mean bullies" doesn't recognize it. Or absolves herself from the responsibility to initiate the "hellos". Perhaps people are friendly but have a reason for having a lunch with an old friend without including strangers. I'm really tired of having posters insist that such trivial things are lateral violence or rampant bullying. Grow up already. If someone doesn't say hello to you, say hello to them. If someone snaps at you, consider the circumstances. Accept the apology. Eat lunch alone or with another nurse on the unit. Not every situation that makes you unhappy is evidence of rudeness any more than it is bullying.
No, but if you are walking into the situation, the first day, and other nurses are rolling their eyes, or not making eye contact. Stiff, formal body language. The message is very clear, we are not glad you are here, you are another burden.
Treating you as first day clinical nursing student, although you have several years of experience. Do you know how to give an injection?
Insulting nonsense that would occur in no other occupation. Sadly nursing is not a profession, due to a large minority of non-professionals who work in it and are tolerated.
The narcissistic message is very clear- we are so very special and you are not.
Get over yourself. No one is asking if you are gay in front of others, especially in this environment. No one is asking if you wear female clothes because in this environment, that will warrant a huge lawsuit. .
Life isn't fair. Nursing is hard. Being gay is probably really hard. No doubt. But all the homosexual men I've encountered on my job I have absolutely loved. I find it hard to believe you didn't encounter a single empathetic heart.
No, but if you are walking into the situation, the first day, and other nurses are rolling their eyes, or not making eye contact. Stiff, formal body language. The message is very clear, we are not glad you are here, you are another burden.
Treating you as first day clinical nursing student, although you have several years of experience. Do you know how to give an injection?
Insulting nonsense that would occur in no other occupation. Sadly nursing is not a profession, due to a large minority of non-professionals who work in it and are tolerated.
The narcissistic message is very clear- we are so very special and you are not.
What a load of crap.
I can't believe that any nurse can deny that bullying in nursing is not rampant. Bullying is not about eating lunch alone. It's about tactics that isolate, exclude, intimidate, belittle, and discredit ones peers. If you have failed to recognize that this happens among nurses because it hasn't happened to you- shame on you! So often people turn their backs on targets so as not to attract negative attention to themselves. It takes backbone, character, and integrity to take a stand against nurses who bully. There have been many studies done about bullying among nurses. Can't say I've seen similar studies done on any other profession, say like accountants. This is a dysfunction particular to nursing. I think nurses need to initiate a grassroots movement to stop bullying just as has been done among school kids.
I have witnessed plenty of actual bullying over the years. It is a horrible condition that compromises our ability to help patients and reduces our ability to be taken seriously as a profession. I have attempted to mediate friction between warring factions as a union steward and dealt with squabbling nurses as a charge nurse in a busy ER. So I've seen it and its real and destructive as hell.
On the other side of the equation no nurse should eat feces ever even (especially) if its coming from another nurse. Don't take slights & address them as they happen. This is the nurse's personal and professional responsibility as an adult and a nurse. If you eat doo-doo more will be fed to you. Take the other nurse aside and tell them you are not putting up with unprofessional nonsense and they next time they engage in inappropriate conduct you are taking this to management. Bullies are like hyenas. They rarely dine on the strong member of the herd as easier prey can satiate their bloodlust. Also, have appropriate expectations. Not everybody has to be your friend so if they are not get over it. After all its work not high school. These are colleagues and not your family or friends so maintain reasonable boundaries. If you have personal problems leave them at home as the other nurses on the unit are there to treat patients and not you. Conversely expect other nurses to do the same. Come to work do your job & go home.
Exactly, this is what I did also, nice healthy professional boundaries will help. And as a wise person once told me, life is not fair, and it is your response that matters, 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.
I think that's absolutely right. And I also think the bullies are aware of this. If they can push you to react a certain way that will make you look bad, they will instinctively find a way to push you to that point.
I don't know, maybe people are simply afraid to speak up because they are afraid they will be targeted next. I just have a hard time understanding that mind set in an adult.
I've read all your responses in this string, and I don't think you are trivializing bullying at all. On the contrary, I almost see the dynamic playing out here in this string related to your comments.
Your comments are spot on. They are rational and emotionally-controlled observations and advice. Bullying in nursing is so pervasive, I actually start to question those who say they've never seen it in their career. I mean, could it be that the reason they haven't is because they are the bully in their workplace? I'll just leave that question hanging in the air, no one need answer it.
Not saying hello. Not inviting a new orientee to lunch. Yelling at them during stressful times. If this all happened to the same person, this would certainly be workplace bullying. Not that you, Brandy, suggested it was, but I will suggest that it is.
Of course, in a nursing setting, people aren't going to be bullied like they were in grade school. No one is actually going to beat anyone up or steal their money or knock their equipment out of their hand. No one is actually going to wait for someone in the staff bathroom or out in the parking lot after the shift. Of course, that's not going to happen. People would go to jail for that as adults and be fired or lose their nursing license.
Instead, they make their victim uncomfortable in every other possible way. That's bullying. The bullying is completed when supervisors and management do nothing about it when it is reported to them.
I was just hired at an ER yesterday. And they have a thing you sign, and it clearly lays out that certain ways of behaving are not acceptable: tone of voice, not smiling, etc. I've never seen a document like this before. Frankly I found it refreshing. Hopefully, they mean it.
As to those who said, "Isn't preventing me from being how I want to be also bullying?" No. That's what laws and rules are for: they are there to hopefully force us to act according to the better angels of our nature--especially when we're not inclined to do so on our own.
I have witnessed plenty of actual bullying over the years. It is a horrible condition that compromises our ability to help patients and reduces our ability to be taken seriously as a profession. I have attempted to mediate friction between warring factions as a union steward and dealt with squabbling nurses as a charge nurse in a busy ER. So I've seen it and its real and destructive as hell.
On the other side of the equation no nurse should eat feces ever even (especially) if its coming from another nurse. Don't take slights & address them as they happen. This is the nurse's personal and professional responsibility as an adult and a nurse. If you eat doo-doo more will be fed to you. Take the other nurse aside and tell them you are not putting up with unprofessional nonsense and they next time they engage in inappropriate conduct you are taking this to management. Bullies are like hyenas. They rarely dine on the strong member of the herd as easier prey can satiate their bloodlust. Also, have appropriate expectations. Not everybody has to be your friend so if they are not get over it. After all its work not high school. These are colleagues and not your family or friends so maintain reasonable boundaries. If you have personal problems leave them at home as the other nurses on the unit are there to treat patients and not you. Conversely expect other nurses to do the same. Come to work do your job & go home.
I personally have never seen bullying at any of the jobs I've worked, but I've only worked in 3 different facilities because I worked so many years at my first job (hospital). And the common denominator in all three of my facilities was strong leadership that fostered a team approach. Bullying would not have been tolerated at any of those places. People who didn't buy into the teamwork thing didn't last long. The nurse manager at my hospital ran 2 of our ICUs, and she was one of the finest people I've ever known. All the nurses respected her and wanted to please her. She treated us like adults (we self scheduled), she went to bat for us when necessary, and had really high standards. She would jump in and take care of patients to get her nurses through a tough part of a day if needed. She could walk the walk. There was no way for a bully to thrive in that environment.
So much of the culture of a unit starts at the top and trickles down. If you have a strong nurse manager who stands up for his/her nurses, has high standards for behavior and performance on the unit, and chooses charge nurses thoughtfully, you can avoid this kind of BS.
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
Perhaps people are friendly and the "victim of mean bullies" doesn't recognize it. Or absolves herself from the responsibility to initiate the "hellos". Perhaps people are friendly but have a reason for having a lunch with an old friend without including strangers. I'm really tired of having posters insist that such trivial things are lateral violence or rampant bullying. Grow up already. If someone doesn't say hello to you, say hello to them. If someone snaps at you, consider the circumstances. Accept the apology. Eat lunch alone or with another nurse on the unit. Not every situation that makes you unhappy is evidence of rudeness any more than it is bullying.