Mom Passed

[hppygr8ful]

About this time two years ago I shared the adventure that was moving my mom from her home into a memory care facility. Last night at around 10pm she passed away. Still not quite sure how I feel today. We were not close and she did a lot of terrible things to us kids but she did raise 6 children none of whom went to prison so I guess that's something.

Hppy

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

I am so sorry for your losses, both Happy and sevensonnets. Losing a parent is never an easy thing. It's even more complicated when your relationship with that parent was a difficult one. Forgive yourself for the mixed emotions.

[NutmeggeRN, BSN]

A long time ago I learned that feelinga are not right, or wrong, they just are.

How we work through them is another story! I wish you peace and comfort.

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

((((Hppy)))) and ((((sevensonnets)))) I'm so sorry for both of your losses. Take care of yourselves

You will find as time goes by that there is more sweet than bitter to your memories. Also, it's OK that you acknowledge your parent's failings; although six kids and not a one in prison...that's something. Hang in there, both of you.

[CelticGoddess, BSN, RN]

I am sorry for you loss Hppy. And also for you loss Sevensonnets.

[Wlaurie, RN]

Sorry for your loss. Sometimes when you don't have the best childhood you grieve for the chance of some kind of reconciliation as much as the parent you lost.

[rn1965, ADN]

So sorry for your loss. Peace and positive thoughts coming your way.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

This nightmare just doesn't end. My mother was a person who was mentally unstable, cruel and mean. To be honest I had pretty much written off our relationship for my own mental health years ago. I only became involved again after the dementia set in and my sister needed some help in arranging her care. Now I have been asked to write an obituary for her and to keep her cremated remains in safe keeping. I asked if they could be interred with her parents and am waiting to see if that's possible. She always did love Hawaii so I might take a trip for an unofficial scattering. My whole family was torn apart by this woman's actions. I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now.

A tall cold beer sounds great right now but I will not lose my sobriety over this. There are much better reasons to enjoy a drink should I decide to do so.

Please tell me I am not a terrible person.

Hppy

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

This nightmare just doesn't end. My mother was a person who was mentally unstable, cruel and mean. To be honest I had pretty much written off our relationship for my own mental health years ago. I only became involved again after the dementia set in and my sister needed some help in arranging her care. Now I have been asked to write an obituary for her and to keep her cremated remains in safe keeping. I asked if they could be interred with her parents and am waiting to see if that's possible. She always did love Hawaii so I might take a trip for an unofficial scattering. My whole family was torn apart by this woman's actions. I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now.

A tall cold beer sounds great right now but I will not lose my sobriety over this. There are much better reasons to enjoy a drink should I decide to do so.

Please tell me I am not a terrible person.

Hppy

You are NOT a terrible person. Your first responsibility is to take care of yourself, and if you needed to distance yourself from a cruel, unstable and mean person, then you distance yourself from that person. Even if that person is your mother.

If you want to write the obituary, write it. If you don't want to, delegate that back to the funeral home. They usually have a form that lists the information they need to write an obituary -- just fill it out and let them write the glowing obit. As far as the remains -- if you don't want to do that, don't. You can bury them, scatter them at sea or delegate them back to your sister. I'm sure there are many other options as well. Your first priority is still you.

Laugh if you can -- it's so much more fun than crying, and it makes you feel better, too. But if you can't laugh, then let yourself cry. Cry sitting in the bathtub surrounded by candles and sipping on tea or hot chocolate, but do something kind for yourself.

You aren't the only person who has been in a position like that, although I know it feels like it right now.

[Farawyn]

About this time two years ago I shared the adventure that was moving my mom from her home into a memory care facility. Last night at around 10pm she passed away. Still not quite sure how I feel today. We were not close and she did a lot of terrible things to us kids but she did raise 6 children none of whom went to prison so I guess that's something.

Hppy

Feel how you feel. You know that. Your feelings aren't wrong.

Peace at this time to you and yours, Hppy.

[OyWithThePoodles, RN]

Love and prayers, friend.

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

This nightmare just doesn't end. My mother was a person who was mentally unstable, cruel and mean. To be honest I had pretty much written off our relationship for my own mental health years ago. I only became involved again after the dementia set in and my sister needed some help in arranging her care. Now I have been asked to write an obituary for her and to keep her cremated remains in safe keeping.

You are NOT a terrible person! If it's not in you to write the obit, then don't. Hang in there. Not much is worth losing your religion (or sobriety)!

[audreysmagic, RN]

I'm so sorry. Love to you and your family. It's even more complicated in situations like yours, I know...