Miss Manners for Nurses

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Ok class, if someone at work offers you a piece of the apple pie they brought, what is the best response if you don't want any?

a) *sneer* Oh, I can't stand apple pie, yuck!

b) *smile* No thank you.

The answer is B. A simple no thank you is the courteous way to refuse an offer of food.

I'm hoping that others here can politely offer some etiquette tips to help uplift our fellow nurses and improve our profession. I find that boorish behavior is far too prevalent amongst nurses, and in society as a whole

Specializes in Inpatient Oncology/Public Health.
My manners tip: it is never anyone's business to comment on another's food choice. Please don't tell me how awful GMOs are if I'm eating microwave popcorn. Please don't tell me how much better you feel eating raw/paleo/plant based/vegan. Please (specific to me personally) don't tell me I shouldn't eat something because I'm diabetic, unless someone spiked my donut with drano, my food choices only become your business if you are my dietician or my endocrinologist, otherwise you really don't know why I'm eating it, or if treats are included in my treatment plan, or if I just took my insulin because I wanted a donut.

It's downright rude. :/

Ugh I've been veg 15 years and I can't stand sanctimonious vegetarians/vegans. Most people don't even know I am veg because I don't really talk about it. It's a personal choice. The Paleo trend is really annoying. Many of them are proselytizers!

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Specializes in hospice.
There's a lot I didn't do well as a parent, but teaching my kids manners was something I did right. And they're raising THEIR kids to be polite, because none of us want anyone to think they were raised by wolves. :)

Some people I meet, I know weren't raised by wolves, because wolves would have done a better job. ;)

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...le sigh

All I'm going to say is that the nurses that are going along with this generalization better not be mad when other negative stereotypes are cast upon us, because frankly we perpetuate this negativity ourselves.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
My manners tip: it is never anyone's business to comment on another's food choice. Please don't tell me how awful GMOs are if I'm eating microwave popcorn. Please don't tell me how much better you feel eating raw/paleo/plant based/vegan. Please (specific to me personally) don't tell me I shouldn't eat something because I'm diabetic, unless someone spiked my donut with drano, my food choices only become your business if you are my dietician or my endocrinologist, otherwise you really don't know why I'm eating it, or if treats are included in my treatment plan, or if I just took my insulin because I wanted a donut.

It's downright rude. :/

OMG! We have a lot of people around here who are sanctimonious, self-righteous and VERBAL. Self-Appointed Food Police, Habit Police, even Shoe-Police. You'd think they were getting some kind of $$$compensation for their 'spontaneous' commentary; like they think by bullying you, pushing you, trying to 'sell' you their particular "Magic Secret of Life, Health, and Transcendence" you will SEE THE LIGHT!

I don't do this every time, but once in a while when I've had enough, you might find me sticking one index finger in my nose and the other index finger in my ear, making a slack-jawed, dull-eyed face and saying, "Uhhhhh, ya think?"

But most of the time I will turn and look the person full in the face, and it depends on my mood which of the tones-of-voice I will use, and I say (quietly and reasonably) "Did-----I------Ask-----?"

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Specializes in retired LTC.
It is nice to see good manners in action though. I recently took care of a young man who had been injured. I got lots of please, thank you, yes, ma'am, etc. He was in pain, feeling stressed and tired, yet still had wonderful manners- thanked me for all the care I gave. It sure made my shift more pleasant.
By any chance, was your pt military? Those Marines are the MOST polite-est guys! Just about all the branches have courteous staff. Must be something they teach them in basic. Of course, one guy told me that I would be considered officer level if we were all active, so he was just responding like he should.

If he wasn't military, I'd bet he was from the South. Those darlins' are all so courteous too.

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Specializes in None yet..
Didnt everyone learn that lesson by third grade??

No. I'm still adjusting to some of the behaviors I see in my first year cohort. Stranger in a strange land....

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If people are doing all of their communication by texting and the computer, no wonder there's little left in the manner's department now. If they are playing most of their games behind a computer or game console...there's more than one of us who remember going outside and making friends, that we had to actually speak to. Going to family outings, having to go along with Mom to some sort of ladies "thing".....where we had to make polite conversation...

Interestingly, in nursing, is it any wonder why there's scripting?

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

Jadelpn--

What do you mean by 'scripting' ?

I'm and 'old' nurse, out of the link; I mean do they really tell you what to say?

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Specializes in School Nurse.
My manners tip: it is never anyone's business to comment on another's food choice. Please don't tell me how awful GMOs are if I'm eating microwave popcorn. Please don't tell me how much better you feel eating raw/paleo/plant based/vegan. Please (specific to me personally) don't tell me I shouldn't eat something because I'm diabetic, unless someone spiked my donut with drano, my food choices only become your business if you are my dietician or my endocrinologist, otherwise you really don't know why I'm eating it, or if treats are included in my treatment plan, or if I just took my insulin because I wanted a donut.

It's downright rude. :/

I completely agree. I also find it rude when it goes the other way - I used to be a vegetarian (now I occasionally eat fish or chicken, but not beef/pork). It is a personal preference and I never have and never will judge anyone else's eating habits. I certainly don't have the healthiest habits.. but I cannot tell you how many times people would give me crap for not eating meat! They would always question my motives and say that I was being stupid/eating meat is good for you/I'm missing out/etc etc. I got into a heated argument with one of my coworkers about it one night, I felt so ridiculous having to explain myself when I finally realized I didn't owe him or anyone an explanation. Sigh.

Okay endrant.

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Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.

This happens occasionally in my job. If I cant get out of accepting what ever is offered, I take it back to the office to share

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Specializes in ER, TRAUMA, MED-SURG.
My husband does this same thing!!! We have been married for 25 years and to this day it makes my blood pressure go up! Or if you ask him a question there will be silence for a good 30 seconds.....then he will answer. Really? You can't just answer the question when asked or if you have to think about it or you are busy can you just say, "Give me just a minute." I have told him over and over that it is rude and it makes people think you are not listening or you just don't give a dang. *sigh*

Here the same thing with my hubby - total silence - and while waiting for a response I can almost hear the second hand on a clock "tick tick tick".

Argh!

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Jadelpn--

What do you mean by 'scripting' ?

I'm and 'old' nurse, out of the link; I mean do they really tell you what to say?

In acute care, in some facilities, they have scripts of how to and what to communicate to patients so that they are "delighted" with the care they receive as opposed to the alternatives.

It is a customer service oriented program, meant to raise patient satisfaction scores. Stuff like "I endevour for you to be DELIGHTED with your care" "Can I do anything else for you, I HAVE THE TIME" and "managing up" the nurse who is taking over for you--"this is Xyz, RN, BSN, 952 certifications. I have worked with Nurse Xyz for 2 years and we both want you to be DELIGHTED....and I am leaving you in good hands!! Thank you so much for allowing me to care for you today! So is there anything else I can do for you? I have the time!!" For the new grad "This is nurse Pdq. whom I have just started working with. Nurse Pdq graduated with a BSN from(

With lots of little ditties on acknowledging, informing, detailing, apologizing...you name it, and there's a pc script on how you are to say it. And a fun little acronym card for you to attach to your badge holder! This is awesome! Fun! We are informed!

Sigh. Forget evidence based practice. Replace those lessons with customer service and improv classes. Because seemingly that is what one needs to be a successful nurse today. Management prefers nurses who don't communicate well or necessarily have manners--just the illusion that they do. That way it is easier for them to follow the script, use key words....

And COB's who may have a learning curve with computer checkboxes, actually want to communicate care to a patient that may not be something that the patient wants to hear--"no, Mrs. HTN I can not go and get you extra salt for your meal. And here's why......." is met with "my food was gross and got cold as Nurse Abc chose to lecture me as opposed to let me eat...." and the NURSE would be called to the carpet for this. As this would make satisfaction scores go down. Which is are more highly regarded than a nurse's skill, commitment, or expertise...or manners.

Sigh.

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