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Leaving because of coworker?

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by baRN owl baRN owl (New Member) New Member

225 Visitors; 1 Post

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Hi everyone,

I've been at my job for just over 8 months (graduated last August), and I really enjoy it! My unit has an amazing culture, the doctors respect the staff, patients and families are always sweet and appreciative. I couldn't ask for a better workplace! But I recently got news that may complicate matters. A friend-turned-stalker/harasser has transferred into my workplace this past week. This person and I used to be close in school (we bonded over starting new careers as nurses) until an obsessive and unwelcomed fixation on me started to develop. Calls during the night just to hear my voice and constant texts of where-are-you's occurred when we weren't together; if we were together, she'd constantly put me down and/or complain about me (in front of me) to others. I couldn't take it, and she never changed despite me bringing it up several times, so I cut her off. I explicitly told her twice not to contact me ever again.

Welp, cutting her off led to even more calls and texts. Blocking on all modes of contact led to her calling on unrecognized phone numbers, emailing with fake addresses to get past the blocks, and sending letters without return addresses. The whole works. This person also tried to go through mutual acquaintances to learn my whereabouts or recent actions. The constant unwanted contact and snooping made me feel incredibly unsafe for myself and my family. I eventually reported her to the school for stalking/harassment. The stress was hard, so we moved to another state after I graduated and prepped acquaintances to "play dumb" about my move.

It's been over a year now, and as I said, my job is wonderful, and my life I wonderful. I barely think about this person anymore, except the occasional catastrophizing where I think this person will show up at my door and throw acid on my and my SO's faces (no threats have ever been made to do so, I should add). Just when I think I'm in the clear, she shows up in this new state, at this new hospital, and in my exact unit! Now I feel unsafe again, and I'm worried her stalking/harassment will restart or worse: escalate. I told my employers about our tumultuous past, and they responded by saying that there's nothing they or HR can do as of now because none of these events that have occurred were while we both worked here. "Report anything without hesitation" they said. Beyond that, they can't guarantee any protections.

I'm considering moving again (my kids will complain, but my husband and I have jobs that do make this possible). I have connections at other hospitals, but I hate the thought of leaving a job where I'm appreciated and valued after only 8 months. It's my first nursing job for Pete's sake! And I'd hate to do it so abruptly. Do you guys have any advice about how I should move forward? Should I stay vigilant and report anything that happens in/out of the workplace? Should I change jobs again to avoid this person? I'm at a loss! Please help.

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2 Likes; 3,159 Visitors; 380 Posts

I'd probably see how it goes. Try and set some strict boundaries and do as HR says and report instances as it comes up. Block all you social media

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meanmaryjean has 40 years experience and works as a Nursing Faculty.

42 Likes; 3 Followers; 63,679 Visitors; 7,495 Posts

DOCUMENT

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dianah has 43 years experience as a ADN and works as a Cath Lab/Stress Lab/Cardiology Case Management.

59 Likes; 2 Followers; 9 Articles; 66,809 Visitors; 2,590 Posts

I can't tell you what to do, but do advise: strive to create a SAFE environment for you and your family.

The best job and working conditions in the world are not worth anything if you don't feel safe.

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meanmaryjean has 40 years experience and works as a Nursing Faculty.

42 Likes; 3 Followers; 63,679 Visitors; 7,495 Posts

I can't tell you what to do, but do advise: strive to create a SAFE environment for you and your family.

The best job and working conditions in the world are not worth anything if you don't feel safe.

Agree 100%, but this person seems capable of tracking OP down and NOW is the time to get it settled.

Thank goodness the facility is aware and on board. What a nightmare!

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1,640 Likes; 4 Followers; 16,958 Visitors; 2,516 Posts

Actually I'd stay and let her hang herself. If you move what will stop her from following you again? Rinse and repeat.

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1,049 Likes; 7 Followers; 21,190 Visitors; 2,673 Posts

I do think you should make some decisions about how you are going to handle the situation after she gets fired.

Just reading this is creepers.

Consider asking admin to remove this thread.

Best to you~

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232 Likes; 3 Followers; 95,197 Visitors; 36,400 Posts

I was told by law enforcement that nothing could be done until there was physical harm. You can't run forever. I think she is there because she found you. I would ride it out, report as instructed. Enlist the aid of a professional who deals with stalkers. But deal with it there and now or you may find this person following you to the next place.

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15 Likes; 633 Visitors; 139 Posts

I'm just curious why you did not report this person to your local police department and just the school when it escalated the first time?

If her behavior was not just contained within the school (sending letters, texts, etc.) it seems you could've at least made a report to your local PD. Granted, as somebody else stated, they may not have been able to do diddly since there wasn't "damage" of some type, but at least it would've been reported and you would have a copy of the report. This would strengthen your claim if something does happen down the road at this current job you're at.

Yeah, but if this stuff starts happening again, document, document, document. If it starts happening outside the workplace, go to your local PD!

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Have Nurse has 25 years experience and works as a A.D.O.N..

4 Likes; 15 Articles; 7,667 Visitors; 713 Posts

Cut to the chase. Speak with H.R. about it and share with them what you've shared with us. Document it. If she tries anything, go straight to H.R. If it doesn't quit, call the Police. The fact that you failed to bring stalking charges against her when it was happening will make this harder, but hopefully she won't try anything further. If she does, you know what to do.

Do NOT share this with your colleagues, only those who need to know. She may have cleaned up her act and if she has, she needs a chance to show it.

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TriciaJ has 35 years experience as a RN and works as a Retired.

1,067 Likes; 5 Followers; 30,700 Visitors; 2,767 Posts

"Of all the gin joints in all the world..." Very doubtful she has cleaned up her act; she has clearly found you. You need to make a report to the police, just like you should have done previously. There might not be a lot they can do initially, but it never hurts to start the paper trail. Yes, go to HR and yes warn your coworkers.

If she really has cleaned up her act, she will resign that position and seek another, not wanting to distress you further. This stinks and you need to start circling the wagons.

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Leader25 has 35 years experience.

54 Likes; 2 Followers; 4,227 Visitors; 658 Posts

This nut case has not cleaned up her act,she has found you and managed to end up on same unit?Too much coincidence.Notify the authorities ,you need to create a paper trail and protect your family,hope you have a security alarm with video ( so you have proof if she shows up )and a big dog.She sounds very sick and might turn dangerous.Carry at least some protection whatever the laws allow.Serve her with an order of protection,go to court and get one then you hire a professional server,it is not expensive.You have to make her afraid of you.Her behavior should be reported to BON(again it is paper trail making).Good luck to you.

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