I just finished watching todays episode of Oprah Winfrey and wanted to post here as I was curious as to how others feel.
Okay so her guest today was a woman who married a man and found out shortly after the honeymoon that she was HIV+. The husband was tested and found to also be HIV+. For a period it was thought that she had infected him, despite her having very few sexual partners or having any other high risk behaviors. When the virus progressed and he was determined to be in the AIDS stage of the illness and she was still just HIV+ it became apparent that she had not infected him but that he must have infected her. She confronted him after her brother encouraged her to and asked him how many men he had slept with. He admitted 2 relationships with men. She later found e-mails that were explicit with men. --They ended up divorcing and she suing him for 2 point something million. He is broke so she has yet to see any of the money. ---
Okay so I just wanted to give the background of this story--here is where I am wondering how others feel.
The woman who has now been HIV+ for 10 years has met a new man who knows about her HIV and they decided to get pregnant and have a baby together. She is taking the anti-retrovirals she needs to be taking to make it the least chance of the baby contracting the virus when delivered.
Okay I know women sometimes get pregnant and don't know that they are HIV+ until after already pregnant and I can totally understand why they continue the pregnancy and take all the meds they can and get the care they need to do what they can to prevent the baby from being born HIV+. But my issue is with a women who knows she is HIV+ purposfully getting pregnant and just hoping the baby isn't born HIV+.
How do you all feel about this?? I know I am probably going to get a mix of responses but I just wanted to see what others opinions were.
Everyone on here keeps saying "it's not the death sentence it used to be." Yes, maybe that's true, but that also depends on the person and how their body is reacting to it.
I have a friend who is a multi-millionaire and has spent TONS of money on treatment at top notch facilities since they were diagnosed with HIV. This person is young (24 years old) and very healthy. Despite all of the treatment this person has received, they have been HIV + for about 3 years and are on the threshold of crossing over to AIDS. I mean, within the next year it is very likely going to happen.
I think it's great she is doing everything she can, and I think it's shame her ex gave this to her. I just don't agree with their decision. It's not what I would do, but there are things that I do and choices I make that I'm sure many people would not agree with. I just hope for their sake and the baby's sake that the baby comes out HIV -.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
What about a person with Huntington's disease? I believe that the offspring of a parent with the disease has a 50% chance to inheriting the disease themselves. Should people who carry the gene not have children?
There a numerous other diseases a parent can pass on to their children, should these people refrain from having children too?
Is this any different a situation or is it just the stigma attached to HIV and AIDS?
Personally, I don't think someone with Huntington's should have a child. It's probably one of the worst ways to die, and it is always fatal. The odds are just too high.
Responsible parenting is also about knowing when you shouldn't have kids.
Responsible parenting is also about knowing when you shouldn't have kids.
AMEN! LOTS of folks reproduce who have no business being parents........Not saying this woman is one of them, but there are a lot of them out there for sure.....
I think it is selfish and it seems to me that she is looking through rose colored glasses. Let's assume she does pass the virus on to the baby. But in 5 years she develops AIDS and dies. In the mean time Dad has become infected and 2 years later develops AIDS. Now you have an HIV + child with no parent.
My concern as the mother would be the fear of leaving my sick child alone to fend for themselves. I can't imagine there are foster parents lining up begging to care for HIV + children. No doubt there are some wonderful people out there but they can't possibly meet every need.
I understand that HIV treatment has made huge strides but I just don't think we are there yet.
What I don't understand is all of the posters saying this matter should be a private family matter. This woman went on Oprah and discussed her and her husbands decision to reproduce. In my opinion, this makes the pregnancy a very public matter. Your private life is your private life, until you make it public.
what about a person with huntington's disease? i believe that the offspring of a parent with the disease has a 50% chance to inheriting the disease themselves. should people who carry the gene not have children?
there a numerous other diseases a parent can pass on to their children, should these people refrain from having children too?
is this any different a situation or is it just the stigma attached to hiv and aids?
actually i think any parent who has a disease with a chance of passing it onto an innocent child is selfish if they knowingly have a child. i can say that because i have lived with the reality.
i had a child with cancer and the type that he had turned out to be hereditary. any child that i would have has a 10% chance of getting it. he died at 5 years of age from pneumonia after finishing all his treatments and doing great, but he would have had a 40% chance of passing it on to his offspring. i don't know how they did the calculations. they did not find that out that the type he had was the kind they consider hereditary until after my daughter was born. once i found out, i got clipped and snipped.
children have so much to face in this world. to choose to gamble with a child's life to push your own agenda to "have a baby" and live the "oh i'm a mother" fairytale to me is just being plain selfish.
"children have so much to face in this world. to choose to gamble with a child’s life to push your own agenda to “have a baby” and live the “oh i’m a mother” fairytale to me is just being plain selfish."
you said what i wanted to say, sorry to hear about your son.
"children have so much to face in this world. to choose to gamble with a child's life to push your own agenda to "have a baby" and live the "oh i'm a mother" fairytale to me is just being plain selfish."
you said what i wanted to say, sorry to hear about your son.
thank you. it has been a hard lesson in life i would not wish on my worst enemy. when your child dies, they really do take part of your heart and soul with them when they go.
I thought if you had HIV, despite medication, that that virus always transports over to the baby? Correct me if I'm wrong.
My cousin did this and it made us all angry. She had a child with I THINK it was spina bifida (this was long ago). Well according to her, the Dr said she would have another child with a more than 60% chance of having this disease so she went ahead and had 3 other children then (she has 4 or 5 now). One other of her children didn't have spina bifida, but he isn't developed properly, mentally or physically, and acts very strangely. We told her she was being very irresponsible but because she was so young & immature, & trying to hang onto her useless hubby (who she left later on anyway!) she was adamant she was going to have more kids. She was so immature & stupid it was unbelievable. Even the Dr tried to talk her out of it.
It makes me so sad that people think kids can be used as bartering tools.I used to work in child protection & so many people use their kids to 'get back' or 'get even' at their exes - it was awful.
I hope this woman's baby is born out of love and not spite. I have heard somewhere that people with serious illnesses though, take many foolish risks and often have kids they can't look after (or look after well) to make them feel more alive. I think they 4get these kids will be adults one day & need the best start in life possible. Maybe people like this should have to see a mental health professional as a standard thing, as her illness could get worse & care for the baby could be compromised.
Just for a little perspective, I follow the blog of some medical missionaries in Africa who ran a clinic for HIV+ women and children. Prenatal/postnatal care, and ART (of course). Because of the very real risks of formula feeding in their neck of the woods, the HIV+ women were encouraged to breastfeed their babies for six months. Their conversion rate was some extremely low rate; I will post a link to the blog post(s) when I find them. I realize we're talking two different places and populations; however, I think it's a valuable lesson piece that the prognosis for kids born to HIV+ mothers is very very good, even when they breastfeed. If their chances are that good in a developing country with very very limited resources, well...in the US, this is not a battle I'm going to die fighting.
If there is any worry I have, it's that Mom's HIV will advance and she will die before her child is able to care for him/herself. But as other posters have said - this is not the death sentence it used to be. So again...this is far from the most egregious reproductive choice I've seen people make.
Yes please remember to post the link to these blogs, as I would be very interested in expanding my knowledge of HIV+ women & their families.
happy2learn
1,118 Posts
Everyone on here keeps saying "it's not the death sentence it used to be." Yes, maybe that's true, but that also depends on the person and how their body is reacting to it.
I have a friend who is a multi-millionaire and has spent TONS of money on treatment at top notch facilities since they were diagnosed with HIV. This person is young (24 years old) and very healthy. Despite all of the treatment this person has received, they have been HIV + for about 3 years and are on the threshold of crossing over to AIDS. I mean, within the next year it is very likely going to happen.
I think it's great she is doing everything she can, and I think it's shame her ex gave this to her. I just don't agree with their decision. It's not what I would do, but there are things that I do and choices I make that I'm sure many people would not agree with. I just hope for their sake and the baby's sake that the baby comes out HIV -.