I just finished watching todays episode of Oprah Winfrey and wanted to post here as I was curious as to how others feel.
Okay so her guest today was a woman who married a man and found out shortly after the honeymoon that she was HIV+. The husband was tested and found to also be HIV+. For a period it was thought that she had infected him, despite her having very few sexual partners or having any other high risk behaviors. When the virus progressed and he was determined to be in the AIDS stage of the illness and she was still just HIV+ it became apparent that she had not infected him but that he must have infected her. She confronted him after her brother encouraged her to and asked him how many men he had slept with. He admitted 2 relationships with men. She later found e-mails that were explicit with men. --They ended up divorcing and she suing him for 2 point something million. He is broke so she has yet to see any of the money. ---
Okay so I just wanted to give the background of this story--here is where I am wondering how others feel.
The woman who has now been HIV+ for 10 years has met a new man who knows about her HIV and they decided to get pregnant and have a baby together. She is taking the anti-retrovirals she needs to be taking to make it the least chance of the baby contracting the virus when delivered.
Okay I know women sometimes get pregnant and don't know that they are HIV+ until after already pregnant and I can totally understand why they continue the pregnancy and take all the meds they can and get the care they need to do what they can to prevent the baby from being born HIV+. But my issue is with a women who knows she is HIV+ purposfully getting pregnant and just hoping the baby isn't born HIV+.
How do you all feel about this?? I know I am probably going to get a mix of responses but I just wanted to see what others opinions were.
I am not saying people with the virus aren't worthy of love, but from his point of view: if you want to start a family, why does a HIV+ woman seem like the best choice?
Maybe he, you know, loves her? I don't think my husband sat down and did a pros and cons list before deciding that he wanted to marry me. Is that your experience in relationships?
Have we become so desensitized to what it means to have AIDS that we don't think their life will be any different?
So...you're saying there's not *enough* stigma to having HIV/AIDS? That they should be held to different standards because of their disease? What other conditions and disabilities would you apply this standard to?
I think she gets the selfish person of the year award. In a world where HIV+ positive babies sit unwanted in orphanages, why would anyone WANT to create another one??
so, we may as well start demonizing men who remain capable of fathering children, til death do they part.
slippery slope, indeed.
leslie
My thoughts would be not to demonize anyone but definitely suggest that EVERYONE consider all these things and be mindful of their role in a child's life before they purposely have bio children. Thats all. :)
I am interested in the fact that she jumped to the conclusion (although apparently correct) that her ex-husband had been having MTM sex. Why couldn't he have been a former IV drug user? Maybe he had actually been infected by another woman. It does happen.
I don't necessarily agree with having a baby if you're HIV+, but it sounds like she's doing all the things we currently know are preventative, so it's their choice to take that risk. I wish them the best whatever happens.
Specializes in ICU, Home Health, Camp, Travel, L&D.
IMO, much of what's on daytime tv is no one's business but the family involved, and why they'd air their "stuff" nationally, I'll never understand. We are a society that has lost our blush.
But I digress. We are each responsible for our own reproductive choices, when last I looked. The people involved opened themselves up to ridicule when they chose to be on Oprah, but otherwise, I'd say that the family's choice is just that. Maybe not what one of us would have chosen, but who of us *really* wants our most personal decisions regulated by the government or popular opinion?
AMEN! LOTS of folks reproduce who have no business being parents........Not saying this woman is one of them, but there are a lot of them out there for sure.....
Exactly.
We have women and men that have unprotected sex with any stray cat partner with absolutely no knowledge of their history and no one is condemning them. Or who choose ( and some do choose ) to sleep with partners with mental/addiction issues or with partners that are violent/abusive. And are taking NO measures to avert these issues endangering their child. Often these children have major problems that endanger them and society.
And per usual in these issues, few have directed blame at the other Parties involved: the complicent bioDad (she can't reproduce with who has judgement also)'not to mention the fact that this woman probably like many of us have faced the incredible pressure to have children. Many people without children get 'marginalized' in life. How many times do we get told that we are immature, selfish or have coworkers that dump on us because they have to leave early/come late/have to off for the Holidays "for the kids".
Even with my inherited medical issues, I have gotten the you are so smart/nice etc. you should have had babies.
As far as adopting, how is that more fair? You are taking a child that is even more vulnerable due to loss, medical issues, and the many hard issues that resulted in children being adopted and putting them in a situation, per many of the posts, will result in another traumatic loss.
I do not like their decisions, but there are many parents from questionable decisions
We have women and men that have unprotected sex with any stray cat partner with absolutely no knowledge of their history and no one is condemning them. Or who choose ( and some do choose ) to sleep with partners with mental/addiction issues or with partners that are violent/abusive. And are taking NO measures to avert these issues endangering their child. Often these children have major problems that endanger them and society.
And per usual in these issues, few have directed blame at the other Parties involved: the complicent bioDad (she can't reproduce with who has judgement also)'not to mention the fact that this woman probably like many of us have faced the incredible pressure to have children. Many people without children get 'marginalized' in life. How many times do we get told that we are immature, selfish or have coworkers that dump on us because they have to leave early/come late/have to off for the Holidays "for the kids".
Even with my inherited medical issues, I have gotten the you are so smart/nice etc. you should have had babies.
As far as adopting, how is that more fair? You are taking a child that is even more vulnerable due to loss, medical issues, and the many hard issues that resulted in children being adopted and putting them in a situation, per many of the posts, will result in another traumatic loss.
I do not like their decisions, but there are many parents from questionable decisions
I hear ya but just because everyone else is doing it doesn't make it right and if asked my opinion I'd say most people probably shouldn't reproduce on purpose. I agree that people without children do get dumped on when it comes to equity at work but learned to accept that long ago, sort of. Fwiw I don't allow myself to feel "incredible pressure" to do anything that doesn't suit me especially not something as important has deciding to have children. Who has the nerve to tell you that you are selfish or immature to remain childless? Don't own that it isn't your problem!
hiddencatRN, BSN, RN
3,408 Posts
Maybe he, you know, loves her? I don't think my husband sat down and did a pros and cons list before deciding that he wanted to marry me. Is that your experience in relationships?
So...you're saying there's not *enough* stigma to having HIV/AIDS? That they should be held to different standards because of their disease? What other conditions and disabilities would you apply this standard to?