I just finished watching todays episode of Oprah Winfrey and wanted to post here as I was curious as to how others feel.
Okay so her guest today was a woman who married a man and found out shortly after the honeymoon that she was HIV+. The husband was tested and found to also be HIV+. For a period it was thought that she had infected him, despite her having very few sexual partners or having any other high risk behaviors. When the virus progressed and he was determined to be in the AIDS stage of the illness and she was still just HIV+ it became apparent that she had not infected him but that he must have infected her. She confronted him after her brother encouraged her to and asked him how many men he had slept with. He admitted 2 relationships with men. She later found e-mails that were explicit with men. --They ended up divorcing and she suing him for 2 point something million. He is broke so she has yet to see any of the money. ---
Okay so I just wanted to give the background of this story--here is where I am wondering how others feel.
The woman who has now been HIV+ for 10 years has met a new man who knows about her HIV and they decided to get pregnant and have a baby together. She is taking the anti-retrovirals she needs to be taking to make it the least chance of the baby contracting the virus when delivered.
Okay I know women sometimes get pregnant and don't know that they are HIV+ until after already pregnant and I can totally understand why they continue the pregnancy and take all the meds they can and get the care they need to do what they can to prevent the baby from being born HIV+. But my issue is with a women who knows she is HIV+ purposfully getting pregnant and just hoping the baby isn't born HIV+.
How do you all feel about this?? I know I am probably going to get a mix of responses but I just wanted to see what others opinions were.
I find it interesting that a board of nurses who see life and death and unexpected illnesses and accidents on a regular basis would think it's selfish to have a child if you can't guarantee living at least until the child grows up.
What about a person with Huntington's disease? I believe that the offspring of a parent with the disease has a 50% chance to inheriting the disease themselves. Should people who carry the gene not have children?
There a numerous other diseases a parent can pass on to their children, should these people refrain from having children too?
Is this any different a situation or is it just the stigma attached to HIV and AIDS?
I find it interesting that a board of nurses who see life and death and unexpected illnesses and accidents on a regular basis would think it's selfish to have a child if you can't guarantee living at least until the child grows up.
No one should be having kids in that case.
the key word in your comment is "unexpected". she KNOWS that this child will endure severe suffering in her, and possibly, the fathers death, yet is continuing anyway to fulfill her own desire in the time she has left.
i too have seen what a parents death does to a child (my brother and his father, when i was growing up), her doing this is nothing less than selfish.
edited to add:
i would probably feel slightly different had i not known she sued her ex for 2.2 million, even though she was the one who willingly chose to sleep with him sans protection. i don't see how you can sue someone for your own choices, are terrible as the results of those may be. that fact alone says a lot about her character.
the key word in your comment is "unexpected". she KNOWS that this child will endure severe suffering in her, and possibly, the fathers death, yet is continuing anyway to fulfill her own desire in the time she has left.
Everyone dies some day- and having HIV isn't the death sentence it used to be. It sounds like people aren't that up to date on the current treatment and prognosis of HIV.
I don't know of any parent that choose to have children that didn't do it for selfish reasons. "I wanted a baby" or "I have always dreamed of being a parent". I've never known one person say, "well, I have a family history of XYZ which could affect me down the road or I could pass on to my offspring so I better not have children just to be safe!"
The risk of transmitting HIV to a newborn is low when all precautions are taken. People with HIV are living longer and more normal lives then was ever expected 20 years ago. People are living decades without seeing HIV progress into AIDS.
Here are some other questions:
Should woman over 35 have children because their risk of Down's syndrome is increased?
What about a woman into her 40s? Both of my parents died in their early 50s so if I had been born when they were in their 40s I'd have been a child when they died. And again, the risk of genetic diseases are greatly increased the older a woman gets.
If we decided not to have children based on everything that could go wrong, we'd have zero population growth.
the key word in your comment is "unexpected". she KNOWS that this child will endure severe suffering in her, and possibly, the fathers death, yet is continuing anyway to fulfill her own desire in the time she has left.
i too have seen what a parents death does to a child (my brother and his father, when i was growing up), her doing this is nothing less than selfish.
edited to add:
i would probably feel slightly different had i not known she sued her ex for 2.2 million, even though she was the one who willingly chose to sleep with him sans protection. i don't see how you can sue someone for your own choices, are terrible as the results of those may be. that fact alone says a lot about her character.
well said.
It was also TWELVE.2 million. He did file bankruptcy but she is seeking damages since he filed after the award was given.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
why was it wrong enough for her to sue but ok for her not to tell her new partner or allow another unsuspecting person to become infected? Sounds like a selfish creep to me
She did tell him. The OP said that he is aware of her HIV status.
Specializes in Nurse Leader specializing in Labor & Delivery.
What about a person with Huntington's disease? I believe that the offspring of a parent with the disease has a 50% chance to inheriting the disease themselves. Should people who carry the gene not have children?
There a numerous other diseases a parent can pass on to their children, should these people refrain from having children too?
Is this any different a situation or is it just the stigma attached to HIV and AIDS?
Honestly, I would be LESS likely to make the decision to have a child with HC than I would if I had HIV.
I saw this show too. She talked about how depressed she was and at times she didn't have much desire to keep living. She is on public assistance and the medications make her feel sick, she doesn't have much stamina or energy. And she put her boyfriend's life at risk by having unprotected sex with him to try and conceive a child. I understand the desire to have a child, but to risk her boyfriend and her child's health to fulfill that desire is very selfish, and not too wise. Why not adopt an older child, maybe even one who is HIV+? Sounds like she is intelligent and had a great job before, I would hope she would try to fight through her depression...
And I felt sick for her, what a shame that happened to her, her husband really sounds like a pig...
The child will most likely not be infected but Its hard to say what I would do. Think about it you dream all your life of being a mom and now you can't. I don't know
hiddencatRN, BSN, RN
3,408 Posts
I find it interesting that a board of nurses who see life and death and unexpected illnesses and accidents on a regular basis would think it's selfish to have a child if you can't guarantee living at least until the child grows up.
No one should be having kids in that case.