Job Opportunity or Relationship

[ctruon1]

I’m feeling kind of lost and I need some advice. I graduate with my BSN this December and did a summer internship at my local VA hospital and the two days ago my nurse manager called me and asked if I would want to work as a staff nurse 1 there after I graduate and passed my NCLEX. So I pretty much have secured a job months before I graduate. However, I’m also in a long distance relationship and my bf wants me to move over there to make it work. I’m very conflicted because I live in the San Francisco/Bay Area and it’s very competitive and it’s normal to wait 6 months-1 year to find a new grad position and I already have one in the bag. I also love my unit, I worked there as a student nurse and it was be an easy transition to be an RN there and the pay would be roughly $55-60 an hr. But I also love my boyfriend, but I’m not sure about moving 3,000 miles across the country would be worth it in addition to the pay cut in addition to trying to find a job and interview (in the DC area). I’m very conflicted on my decision, it’s either him or my job here.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Get a year under your belt in SF so that you can be marketable elsewhere. If your BF can't wait a year for you, he's not the right guy.

[RN-ing, BSN, MSN, NP]

17 minutes ago, Horseshoe said:

Get a year under your belt in SF so that you can be marketable elsewhere. If your BF can't wait a year for you, he's not the right guy.

?? 100%.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

1 hour ago, Horseshoe said:

Get a year under your belt in SF so that you can be marketable elsewhere. If your BF can't wait a year for you, he's not the right guy.

The OP could also then look into VA transfers to the East Coast, and keep seniority/benefits uninterrupted...

[klone, MSN, RN]

Why can't he relocate to SF?

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

Do you realize how HARD it is to get into the VA? Government jobs with excellent benefits? In one of the most competitive nursing markets in the country?

Take the job. Have boyfriend come move to San Francisco to be with you. Or continue to long-distance relationship for a couple of years and then transfer to be with him in DC. But whatever you do...TAKE. THE. JOB.

[Sour Lemon]

Has it always been long distance? In any case, a "boyfriend" is not a husband. Look after your own interests. He's going to look after his.

[Wuzzie]

12 hours ago, Sour Lemon said:

He's going to look after his.

It appears he already is.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I know you are young and thus don't have this perspective yet, but this is a no-brainer. You take the job, invite BF to move to YOU and if he declines let him know you will consider moving after a year, but then only if you are unhappy in your job and actually want to. Tell him firmly you are making no promises, now or then. If he says "But I have a job!" you can honestly say that you do as well.

You need to picture moving to where he is and being unable to find work (which is likely since you have no connections), then imagine knowing you had an excellent job offer that you gave up to make that move. Your relationship will wither into a slow, bitter death.

Take care of yourself and your career. If he is the right guy, he'll be patient. If he can't be patient, then its not meant to be and you will find Mr. Awesome in due time.

Congratulations on securing your future with this job. You are absolutely correct about how hard it is to find work in your current job market. You should be proud and he should be proud of you. Pay attention to the people who don't clap when you win.

[JKL33]

Make sure he understands your situation with the knowledge you have (your job offer in particular is one that doesn't come easily, it is a good opportunity, that getting a good job in nursing is not as easy as some people think, etc.).

Is he a young person, too, who has just gotten his own job situation up and running or something like that? I think for people in general with less life experience it might be reasonable to look at a situation and think that the obvious answer would be to transition during an "in-between" life phase. We don't have enough info to know what he really thinks (whether he is actually selfish or just hasn't thought through the particulars), but it's best to consider the possibility that it could be as simple as thinking that now is an obvious time for a relocation (by the OP because of the transitioning point in life).

If he knows everything he needs to know and truly doesn't appear to want to contribute (give, not just take), then that is a problem whether it is possible to keep the long-distance relationship going or not, and once you have that info there's no reason to waste more time/emotion on the project.

[Wuzzie]

On 9/15/2019 at 3:06 AM, ctruon1 said:

However, I’m also in a long distance relationship and my bf wants me to move over there to make it work.

This sentence disturbs me.

[organichombre, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN]

Bottom line you have a job already. As others have said if you want to wait and then relocate that's cool. However, in response to the person who spoke of the "government job with excellent benefits", all VA's are not the same. Most public hospitals offer 4-5 weeks paid vacation these days, the VA's retirement matches what you put in which is common practice, pay rates are variable as they are in the public, governmental red tape ties your hands in unbelievable ways, tuition reiumbursement is regional as well, depends on how scarce nurses are, sure once you get over the 2 year probation period, you'd have to kill someone to get fired! not really kidding...too much, on the other hand, we Vets love nursing students, you are serving your country in many ways, and once a VA nurse you can transfer to any state in the Union with your one license. I know I got off target, but life is short and relationships come and go...what does your heart tell you? Good luck!