Jealous Friends...

Conqueror+, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2015

I have had what I call the "lottery attitude" from lazy family members. They act as if I went to the mailbox one day and my license was in there with a note from Ed McMahon. They say how they're CNA's and thats the same job just no "pill pushing" etc...so it's no big deal. I just feel sorry for them as they go back to their miserable lives. I spend all of 5 minutes at thanksgiving and Christmas thinking about it.

Cola89 · Oct 31, 2015

Yes, I experienced inconsolable jealousy from one "friend". An aide who had plenty of personal problems and will very likely never be able to make it through nursing school or any other secondary education due to things out of her control. I didn't brag, I just told her that I finally made it through (as tough as it was) and wanted to celebrate! She was one I couldn't celebrate with because she pretty much dropped me like a hot potato, right away then.

I might have a family member or two (one being a brother, believe it or not) who's envious of my earning potential. What they don't realize is the amount of work that goes into getting to this place and maintaining employment as a nurse!!

And cost! I have spent a lot of money getting my education. Some others maybe got theirs "free" with grants, but have paid with blood, sweat, tears too.

I want to say that while there can be jealousy anytime anybody does something others view as impressive or beneficial, it sounds a little more like you inspired your friends to go to school again. And that's a good thing.

There are thousands of nurses, so there's room for you all. And being a nurse isn't the BEST job ever, and that's why there will always be new jobs coming up for new grads. Good luck.

Upward_Bound · Oct 31, 2015

I've personally experienced the crabs-in-the-barrel mindset, a.k.a. the 'crab mentality': when you're attempting to climb out of your current situation into a better one, certain people around you try to hold you back.
I experienced it from my parents who weren't particularly educated or college-fluent; therefore, they saw no immediate benefit if I attended school. I love them, but ultimately had to leave their negative, defeatist environment.
It is synonymous with crabs in an open barrel at a seafood market. There will always be one crab attempting to climb up and out of the barrel. Likewise, the other crabs are trying to pull the striving crab back into the barrel where they all suffer the same fate.
This mindset is summarized by the sentiment, "If I did not succeed, neither will you." I wrote another more detailed post if you want to click on the link below to read it. Good luck to you.
https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-student/crabs-in-the-758617.html

Very interesting outlook, I'm going to read your post. Thank you so much for the explanation.

Upward_Bound · Oct 31, 2015

My aunt whose husband is an LVN is extremely jealous and bat sh!t crazy. He got his LVN about a year after me. I went through and LVN to RN program and encouraged him to do the same with me. He wanted to go through Indian state unviversity. I guess he failed out of one of his prerequisite. Years later I'm a trauma nurse for the system he wanted to work for. I feel bad, but their situation is not my fault. She has said some very evil things such as my sons birth is the reason my grandpa died etc. if someone is just a negative force, you may have to cut ties for your own happiness.

This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about.

Upward_Bound · Oct 31, 2015

You are correct,..I don't understand the concept of someone being jealous of me going to school or any career path I have chosen. My friends and family may be proud of me, they may think I'm crazy ie "I don't know how you do that job", but jealousy isn't something I've been exposed to. My brother is an architect, my Mom is an RT, I have several nurses in the family, a couple of doctors, a financial advisor and a few attorneys. I have no reason to be jealous of any of their career paths, they worked hard for where they are, as did I. I made my choice and they made theirs,..where does jealousy fit in?

Allow me to elaborate.

I come from a place where people don't do very much, so as TheCommuter described in his/her comment, where people measure success in the terms of "If I didn't do it, neither will you". Or people are afraid you will leave them, then they want to follow in your exact footsteps (which again, people have given me flack for)

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Oct 31, 2015

Again, you are leading with assumptions.
One of them TOLD ME DIRECTLY, I am the reason they are doing this. Would you walk up to a stranger in public and give them a step by step of how to take your job?
YOU are the ones who are delusional.
I'm learning some basic life lesson later in life because I've been trusting and willing to help anyone.
I just don't understand the hate I'm getting in asking a question, so I will ask again.

No one is hating on you...they are giving responses that you asked for. What if you get into nursing school and they don't? What if they do and you don't? Maybe you get accepted at same time, can share ideas , etc. You can't go around giving immature responses and expect anyone to take you seriously or treat you as an adult.

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Oct 31, 2015

I posted in your other thread, but wanted to put this out there: what if someone from your family, neighborhood, group, etc has done this, whether you know it or not? Should they say that you're jealous and copycatting? You may have given some friends a good idea, but maybe you need to lighten up. If your conditions are that horrible, theirs are too, and they probably don't want to stay down either.

elkpark · Oct 31, 2015

If I were the originator of this thread, I wouldn't go around calling anyone else an idiot ... :rolleyes:

Upward_Bound · Oct 31, 2015

If I were the originator of this thread, I wouldn't go around calling anyone else an idiot ...

Have you seen what some people have been calling me?

I'm asking a question and instead of answering it I'm getting attacked.

klone, MSN, RN · Oct 31, 2015

Have you seen what some people have been calling me?
I'm asking a question and instead of answering it I'm getting attacked.

Oh no, many people answered your question earnestly.

cracklingkraken, ASN, RN · Oct 31, 2015

No, none of my friends have been jealous. There's no reason to be. Then again, we are all adults and not in middle school.

Success means something different for each individual.

Jensmom7, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2015

Have you seen what some people have been calling me?
I'm asking a question and instead of answering it I'm getting attacked.

Yes, it's been remarked, based on your responses, that you appear immature and somewhat irrational. Reposting the same question in a new thread because you didn't like what you got here simply reinforces these impressions.

These aren't attacks, they are observations based on what you've said.

Your circumstances aren't all that "unique" as you claim. Many have come here with more crushing life stories than yours, yet they have persevered and thrived.

The only out and out name calling has been on your part, and those posts were (rightfully) removed.

Answering your question once again, no, no one to my knowledge has ever been jealous that I made it through college and Nursing school, and have made it my life's work for the last 36 years.

I get a lot of "I could never do what you do, I admire the work you do." But jealousy? Nope.