Is it ever okay to follow up with a patient you've cared for outside of work?

Kitiger, RN · Apr 15, 2016

But I have to say its wise to have boundaries. Some patients we just don't forget and maybe they don't forget us either. Better to wish them well and let it go, than deal with a friendship that starts on unequal footing go bad and deal with that hot mess.

Yes. Bear in mind that we start on unequal footing! I will gladly talk with a former patient who initiates contact, but I must give room for that person to close the door on that episode of her life.

Funerals are frequently door-closers. That is, the funeral is still part of the experience, but - after the funeral - the patient's family is often ready to close the door, although sometimes they don't know it yet.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Apr 15, 2016

I think some nurses go to funerals occasionally, especially for patients they've cared for in long-term Home Health situation. Spending 40 hours per week with someone and their loved ones it's hard not to get a little close to them and they to you.

Izzy on "Grey's Anatomy" and Danny Duquette - think about that. :speechless:

MJB2010 · Apr 15, 2016

When I was a dialysis nurse I went to many funerals. I loved my patients, I spent 3-4 hours with them 3 days a week. I knew their families, their histories, you really do get to know them and care about them. Constantly losing them was hard, and part of why I left the area of nursing.

RNNPICU, BSN, RN · Apr 15, 2016

As for going to funerals, etc. if the family sends a note to the unit inviting anyone who wants to come, I think it is up to staff if they want to go or not. Many times I have seen families send the information to the units, especially if they have been there for a while. But, this is family initiated, the family initiates the contact letting the unit know when and where the fuenral is.

allnurses Guide · Apr 15, 2016

As for going to funerals, etc. if the family sends a note to the unit inviting anyone who wants to come, I think it is up to staff if they want to go or not. Many times I have seen families send the information to the units, especially if they have been there for a while. But, this is family initiated, the family initiates the contact letting the unit know when and where the fuenral is.

Good point. Hospice going to the funeral or memorial is family-led. And if we do go, we go as hospice and we stay in the background. The only person on our team who may have a role is our hospice chaplain.

KCMnurse, BSN, MSN, RN · Apr 15, 2016

Not a good idea. The times when I have run across former patients it is often awkward and a little embarrassing. You may have last seen them at their most vulnerable at a time they would likely prefer to forget. Why dredge that up?

quiltynurse56, LPN, LVN · Apr 15, 2016

Actually they are bound by HIPAA, unless they were people in your life you privately had help, but even they should be too.

My aunt was cared for for years by three different unlicensed care givers, so not covered by any legal constraints or HIPAA.
I do think about them once in a while. I sometimes wonder if perhaps they think...."well...now that auntie died we're no longer of any importance to the family?" I wouldn't mind if we just exchanged Christmas cards or followed each other on FB.
If they were licensed aides or RN's I'd probably think more that they were "just doing their job" and maybe not feel the same way?

realnursealso/LPN, LPN · Apr 15, 2016

I don't think it is a big deal, and I'll tell you why. In my career, I did home care on peds, since 1985. My very first vent kid was 8 when I met him. He is in his 30's now, he is my facebook friend and I visit him when I want. Never say never. Last week I went to the funeral of a dad, who was murdered. The Mom grabbed me and hugged me like she was never going to let go. The Mom's whole family were gracious and hugged me too, and thanked me over and over for coming. Hospital patients are a different story. I don't live in a big metro area like some of you. I'm retired now, but have been friends with my first home care boy for all these years, and I stay in contact with many families.

falcon123 · Apr 15, 2016

It's important to keep in check ones motives for wanting to follow up. Sometimes I think curiosity can happen under the guise of "altruism." Am I inquiring for me or for them?

allnurses Guide · Apr 16, 2016

Having read all the reasonable personal experiences here and worked in peds and private duty, have attended funerals and greet former patients if we cross paths at the grocery store, I think the concept of professional boundaries is a big deal because more damage can occur from a nurse who uses a lax attitude in that regard than a gain a patient may experience on the receiving end of unsanctioned, independent "follow-up".

I remember some of the worst of these, as some have made to the headlines.

harleyridingirl · Apr 16, 2016

As a home health nurse you are in the client's home and become family some times. The relationship can become strong, especially when you care for them for months. I have called to say hello after the patient left my care on 2 occasions and went to public functions one particular patient invited me and my husband to. I did not feel it was wrong. The one thing I would never do is post any thing on social media regarding a client or discuss the patient's disease or care with other family members without the patient's authorization.

Roy Hanson · Apr 16, 2016

no! and you should not! your performed your duty, patient left satified..now onto the next patient..OTHERWISE you would wind up burned out.

Ready my lips..NO!