Insensitive Husband

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.

She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.

She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.

I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.

She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.

I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.

Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.

Even IF you are justified in thinking her workload is easier (which is not something anyone on this site would know since we've never worked at your job), wouldn't it just be easier to admit that she's stressed? I mean she's stressed out, she's telling you that she's stressed out, and you decided the best option was to ask internet strangers if you're right about who is MORE stressed out? Seriously?

You two need a vacation and you need to be a better listener. This has nothing to do with who's job is more demanding.

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Stop being a sucky and be supportive. Comparison is the thief of joy.

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Stop being a sucky and be supportive. Comparison is the thief of joy.

I love this.

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Yeah you're being insensitive and jealous. Get over it now before its too late.

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Specializes in Education.

Sooooo...I'll bite. I'm the wife with an insensitive husband (and his family, but that's a different story).

Not the OP's wife. You couldn't pry me out of the ED with a crowbar.

What is hard to explain, and gets tiring to explain over and over again, is that sure, on the surface it looks sweet. "Only" working 3-4 days a week.

But nursing is like an iceberg. What you see on the surface isn't all that's under the water.

What my husband doesn't understand is the mental and physical stressors of the job. Because in hospitals, the nurses don't deal with the healthy. We deal with the sick and injured, and their families. There are days that after 6 hours I've felt like I've run a marathon, and my pedometer proves it. 6K steps in 6 hours may not seem like a lot, but over a small area suddenly it's a lot more. Try taking 100, even 50, steps in your bathroom...hard, right? There's a lot of back-and-forth? Well, that's what the nurses do. We have to lift patients with minimal assistance. We have to carry things.

Mentally, we're always "on." "It's 1000 - these patients need this, I need to do that. Oh wait, it's 1300...what did I miss?" We see people who, with just a little bit of preventative care, could have stayed at home. But for whatever reason they didn't have that preventative care, so suddenly they're on our patient list. Behavioral health has its own lowlights; you never know if that patient who was admitted on a mandatory hold for suicidal ideations will decide that it's time to try again, and you're the nurse between them and their success. Little 80-year-old women and tiny 4-year-old children can be surprisingly strong.

It's easier, and safer, to come home and complain about coworkers, because there aren't any risks there. No risk of me telling my husband "oh, Mr. Doe did X today" and violating all sorts of privacy laws that could get me fired and my license revoked. Instead, I complain about how "Jane Doe from the lab took forever on this test, and John Doe from this other place yelled at me for trying to give report."

If your wife is working 16 hours, OP, then she's only getting 8 hours to go home, shower, sleep, spend time with the family, eat, and run errands. I see my husband for an hour, if I'm lucky. And it's put stress on our marriage. After my "week" is over, I'm worthless for at least a day because that's simply how much time it takes for me to get my energy back.

Also, take a look at how things are done at home. In addition to my full-time job, I'm also cleaning, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, cooking - everything that a stay-at-home wife and mother would do, which has been considered an unpaid full-time job. So suddenly my "work week" has gone from 3 or 4 days to a full 6 or 7. It's not all sitting around, watching Netflix and eating bonbons.

I enjoy being a nurse. I'm good at it. But that phrase "find a career you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" is a pipe dream. Or, do you enjoy and are you good at your job? Yes? Does that eliminate all stress from it? How about the insensitive coworkers who simply cannot[/] understand that they need to watch how they act, or else they'll be hauled up in front of HR for harassment? They don't magically vanish. Nor do the complaints.

So kudos for coming and asking. Not going to hold my breath that you'll understand.

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Nooooo, not another one of these...

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Yeah, you are the insensitive husband. I hope you grow up before she finds an adult to be with.

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.

Sounds like you would be best served by seeking out a marriage/couples counselor. Much better than anonymous posters on an internet forum.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Sounds like you would be best served by seeking out a marriage/couples counselor. Much better than anonymous posters on an internet forum.

What Rose Queen said.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.
I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.

She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.

She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.

I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.

She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.

I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.

Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.

Real thoughts: Why do you ask strangers to validate your wife's feelings? Pardon my French, but that makes you (as a husband) bordering on bat-**** crazy.

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Specializes in LTC and Pediatrics.
What Rose Queen said.

Yeah, what Rose Queen said. Especially since ou did admit that there are issues.

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I still don't get what your issue is. What are you doing that elicits your wife saying she thinks you should be more appreciative?

What is she doing that makes you feel the need to minimize her contribution.

These are rhetorical questions for you to think about not necessarily post an answer to us.

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