Importance (or not) of social ties in workplace

[Emergent, RN]

A nurse who is retiring at the end of this year cornered me. She's worked in our ER for most of her career. She became close to tearful, sounding bitter about how much the department has changed, how "I don't have ties to any of these people anymore!". Then she proceeded to don her rose colored glasses about yesteryear, when the whole department had picnics, parties, did rafting trips, and so forth.

Now, between you and me, I heard that the department was a snake pit back in the day, with many cruel and difficult nurses, who put newbies through the wringer. But thats all a matter of perspective, I'm sure.

But it got me to think about the importance, (or not) of social ties at work. Personally, yes I need to feel a sense of belonging and teamwork, but I in no way want to socialize with the whole gang outside of work. I've certainly made some wonderful friends at work, but they haven't remained dependent on remaining in the same unit or workplace. For me true friends are few and far between.

What do you think?

[caliotter3]

I miss our occasional night shift potlucks, but had little to do with anyone outside of work at one place. I got somewhat friendly with the co-worker that I provided transportation for because she could not drive. The bus does not run often the later it gets at night. One compatriot who had been to the house of the supervisor gossiped about her cats climbing all over the kitchen counters and how she would never eat anything offered by the lady. I thought that was a little unkind. Then there were those that belonged to the same ethnic "group". They personified friends at work, friends outside of work. Maybe their 'friends' attitude contributed a lot to their collective success on the job. I often remarked to others how these women worked so well together because they stuck together and that the rest of us could learn something from them. Myself, I prefer to leave work at work, unless it is earth shattering. If I know your phone number and I hear the DON make a statement that she is coming after your behind, you can bet I am going to call you to provide a heads up. As far as I am concerned, that is what nurses do.

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

Glad I saw this topic and it's a good one! People and times change. In my first 10 years plus, I would have told you I loved the people I worked with, socialized with them some outside work, and always genuinely loved 90% of them. Sigh. Now, I am not sure I could develop those kinds of relationships anymore. It's not always the right mix for that. I guess I will say I hope the last 10 years of career are the same as my *first 10 were...because I look back very fondly on those people and everything I learned from them and with them!! I think the lady you mentioned might have had a similar experience....but it doesn't come everyday or for everyone.

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

I find it difficult to socialize with people outside of work because I live in a city where people have lived there for years and have known each other since they were young. And a lot of nurses also come from small towns in the upper Midwest and have known each other for a long time if they're from the same towns. I'm an outsider. Plus, a lot of socializing involves going to bars and drinking themselves ****less. Yeah, in the city I live in there is a huge drinking culture, even among respectable individuals. It seems a lot of nurses and doctors here don't think twice about getting wasted every week. I don't drink, never have. So I miss out on that bonding created in such places.

[BecomingNursey]

Here in the south (south Alabama) we do hang out outside of work. A few of the nurses I work with in the ED I graduated with and we have formed a tight friendship. It helps me get through the difficult days to know that not only coworkers have my back but my friends have my back. :)

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

I have become close with a few of my coworkers. The rest.. eh not so much. I have a hard time getting past how people behave at work. if you are lazy and do a crappy job - I just can't be friends with you. I don't have to have friends where I work, but it does help knowning you have people you can trust.

[macawake, MSN]

Personally, yes I need to feel a sense of belonging and teamwork, but I in no way want to socialize with the whole gang outside of work. I've certainly made some wonderful friends at work, but they haven't remained dependent on remaining in the same unit or workplace.

This describes me rather well :) I appreciate a friendly workplace and am blessed with mostly good coworkers. I couldn't work with a bunch of backstabbers as I have a habit of calling them out and things can turn ugly. I can do without the drama and appreciate people who actually behave like adults.

I occasionally socialize with a few people from work but don't feel a need to "hang out" with all of them all the time. Actually eight years into my nursing career I still socialize a lot more frequently/regularly with my old law enforcement coworkers.

In some ways my heart is still there. Luckily they'll still have me although I've abandonded them :)

[Farawyn]

I make friends at work. I'm still friends with a girl from my first floor, we go out, friends with nurses and unit secretaries and MAs from last 2 jobs. We had the pot lucks and parties and dinners and such.

Now I don't work with medical people anymore and I don't feel the same connections with my current co-workers. They are just co-workers that I'm friendly with, not Friends.

[grandpaj]

I have become close with a few of my coworkers. The rest.. eh not so much. I have a hard time getting past how people behave at work. if you are lazy and do a crappy job - I just can't be friends with you. I don't have to have friends where I work, but it does help knowning you have people you can trust.

This is exactly my philosophy about work friendships. Sometimes it's difficult to move past the behaviors and actions co-workers display at work, especially when those behaviors (laziness, gossiping, etc) affect others negatively.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I socialize with people that I worked at a former job for five years-we were a small knit group and we were able to personally connect on an outside social level.

At my current job I have socialized with people outside of work as well; I mainly socialize at work and we work well as a team to get things done.

I have a nursing and non-nursing network; my non-nursing network is smaller but very tight-knit-I somewhat value that a little more than my nursing group.

[llg, PhD, RN]

I have spent my adult life living in geographic areas far from my family. And I am single. So for me, work has been an important source of social interaction and a way to meet new people when I have been "new in town."

I like to socialize with a few people at work ... but I like to keep it simple and don't feel compelled to participate in every activity. I don't like the events with lots of obligations (e.g. pot lucks, baby showers, etc.) unless it is for a close friend. For people I am not close to, I avoid that kind of thing. But I usually maintain friendships outside of work with a few co-workers.

[RNperdiem, RN]

I have pleasant and friendly encounters with my coworkers, but have never made friends with them.

The real dividing line between friend and work buddy is if you spend time together outside of work, and if you no longer worked at the same place, would you still make an effort to see each other. Real friends are few and far between as the OP said.

I feel sorry for the retiring nurse the OP described. She sounds like she is anticipating loneliness. If she has only depended on work for her social ties, she loses a lot when she retires.