Importance (or not) of social ties in workplace

[Emergent]

A nurse who is retiring at the end of this year cornered me. She's worked in our ER for most of her career. She became close to tearful, sounding bitter about how much the department has changed, how "I don't have ties to any of these people anymore!". Then she proceeded to don her rose colored glasses about yesteryear, when the whole department had picnics, parties, did rafting trips, and so forth.

Now, between you and me, I heard that the department was a snake pit back in the day, with many cruel and difficult nurses, who put newbies through the wringer. But thats all a matter of perspective, I'm sure.

But it got me to think about the importance, (or not) of social ties at work. Personally, yes I need to feel a sense of belonging and teamwork, but I in no way want to socialize with the whole gang outside of work. I've certainly made some wonderful friends at work, but they haven't remained dependent on remaining in the same unit or workplace. For me true friends are few and far between.

What do you think?

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

I think you are allowed to choose your friends at work and outside of work.

I am also sure.. if you want to survive in the snake pit... you'd best keep a buddy-buddy relationship with the vipers.

[Libby1987]

I have both work buddies and close friends at work as well as life outside of work, I can't imagine doing it any other way.

When inmoved to to this small community I met a nurse who was 50 to my 25, we both rode horses and became fast friends. 25 yrs later we're still friends and I have a text out to her to see if she can ride this weekend.

I have other friends at work that I literally grew up with, had and raised our kids together, went thru divorces and losses of parents, menopause, cancer..

[Wrench Party]

I have decent relationships with my coworkers, and we're a good team, but I don't make an effort to hang out with them outside of the occasional margarita. I have my own social circles, and appreciate the separation. I keep up with past nursing buddies on Facebook or email.

Now my last career in research; I still keep up with and see them outside of work. We go out for ballgames, drinks, still invited to various parties. They were like my second family and I miss the heck out of those guys.

[NightOwl0624]

I have decent relationships with my coworkers, and we're a good team, but I don't make an effort to hang out with them outside of the occasional margarita. I have my own social circles, and appreciate the separation. I keep up with past nursing buddies on Facebook or email.

This topic has actually been on my mind a lot lately.

I'm like a lot of you guys - I am at a point in my life where I have a lot of obligations outside of work and don't have a whole lot of time to socialize. I enjoy some of my coworkers immensely, some not so much. I have not made much of an effort to do outside activities with any of them in the past 4 years or so, and am happy with the balance.

However, one of the questions we get on our annual "employment engagement survey" is "Do you have a best friend at work?" When more people answer "NO", then it becomes management obligation to change it, because someone high up feels that this is a very important issue.

At my previous position, many of the day shift nurses are very close both at work and outside of work. In fact, in my opinion, they are too close. They do not allow new nurses to enter their "clique". They screech at the posted assignments if they are not on the same side of their BFF. They will all request certain days off, leaving the non-clique members to pick up the slack. And to top it off, the manager is "good friends" with many of these nurses. Some of the nurses who are not in this group do not care one way or the other, but others are very hurt by their exclusion. I found this group of nurses very hard to work with, even when my only interaction with them is getting/giving report.

The nurses on the night shift are not quite as social, but in my opinion get along with each other very well without the outside activities. However, morale is not good among the night shift with a very high turnover, and the manager has decided that the reason is because we "do not have that best friend" at work.

Because the unit scored low on the employee engagement question, my manager was tasked to improve this situation. So what did she do? She made it a part of our yearly evaluation to do the activities that she perceives as important morale boosters in order to get a good decent evaluations. Most of us feel that the morale issue probably has more to do with management expectations, crazy scheduling, staffing issues, condescending email communications, etc. and not about potlucks and baby showers.

My last evaluation had little to do with my job as a nurse, but how many "pot lucks" I planned, did I participate in the unit-sponsored "Relay for life" (held on the day my son graduated), and did I attend any of the many baby showers held for the day nurses (held, you guessed it, during the day)? Because I failed on these items, I got a low evaluation and I became part of the "low morale" problem of the unit.

I left that position 3 months ago and have never been happier.

I think it is great to have friends at work. I wish I was more friendly with my coworkers, but really had very little in common with them due to age/life experiences. I have teenagers at home, most of my former coworkers are single or just starting families. I am pleasant to everyone and do my best to be a team player, but resent my job evaluation being centered on my outside socializing.

My guess is that other people feel the same way. You just can't force this stuff.

[Jules A, MSN]

I have always worked multiple jobs so that keeps me on the fringe of most office politics. I'm able to dash in, be super friendly and hopefully fun to work with, and get back out before things get stale. :) Its a fine line to divulge enough information to seem approachable but not so much that people are judgmental or all up in your business. There have been 4 RNs and 2 physicians who I have remained more than causal friends with over the years so thats not bad.

BTW the best job opportunities I have gotten have all been from someone's inside recommendation so I do think it is important to make good professional contacts.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Our group is pretty close-knit. We do stuff together outside work. One of the providers is a very good friend of mine, and we have taken weekend family vacations together, and our families usually get together once a month or so (our husbands get along and our kids are the same age, so that helps).

Once in a while we will all go out on a Friday after clinic and have drinks and dinner.

I think it helps that it's a pretty small group - 6 providers, 2 MAs, and me. So it's easier to get to know each other on a more personal basis.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

My night crews are my second family. So yeah, it is there.

[Jules A, MSN]

I wonder if some of the differences vary from larger hospitals vs community hospitals? The community hospitals where I have worked are definitely more family oriented cause most of them are related, lol. Also perhaps the specialty? In an area like psych where my team has been threatened, spit on, swung at and had to physically work together to protect each other I think it tends to promote closeness.

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

I wonder if some of the differences vary from larger hospitals vs community hospitals? The community hospitals where I have worked are definitely more family oriented cause most of them are related, lol. Also perhaps the specialty? In an area like psych where my team has been threatened, spit on, swung at and had to physically work together to protect each other I think it tends to promote closeness.

You make some good points. At my first job where I worked for 10+ and made the most in connections...it was a community hospital. However, it was not the community I grew up in. I do think the specialty had something to do with it. Hard work and very hard to take sometimes in Oncology...so we bonded. Plus, the amt of time you work with people may also make a difference.

[Beatlefan, BSN]

Agree 100% with xoemmylouox! I worked in other careers and settings and made life-long friends in the last 30 years through work. Became a nurse in my early 40s, and was very surprised, starting with some of the nursing instructors, how health care workers can be. There are some- very few- people whom I think are in health care for the right reasons, that I trust and would not hesitate having as nurses for my own family, but the majority, as xoemmylouox eloquently stated, "eh not so much."

I guess it's different when you have so much responsibility, and are in charge of other peoples' care. I will say that some of the younger nurses from my floor go out together to the bars. It always surprises me to see the unprofessional posts and pics on Facebook when they do.

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

I think making friends and having real social ties at work is very important. Personally, I think the patients get better care when we are closer to each other. I have been guilty of not turning as often, for example, when I'm working with the cliques and they all hide when I walk around looking for help. There's quite a few people that I am relieved to see they have the assignment next to me because I know they will help me, but there are equally as many people who will let me rot, read books, and say, "In a few minutes" any time I ask them for help, and then they never actually show up. When it comes to a 400lb sedated patient who's had a bowel movement, that just means I do what I can from the front and the rest of it just has to be sat in until someone is free and/or willing. I have a couple of coworkers that had verbalized, "I've already bathed her, I'm not cleaning her up again - next shift can do it," so getting one of those people to help you is almost impossible when they won't even clean up their own patients, but it is more likely if they consider you a friend. We have no CNAs so we are totally dependent on other RNs for help.