I'm only 22 years old.

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My friends are finishing up college with majors like sculpture and philosophy. I just moved away from my hometown in June. I don't have a lot of close friends here besides the boyfriend I live with. I'm only 22 years old. Am I really supposed to be seeing this much suffering? To face these problems? Am I really the LEADER in the hospital experience? I'm only 22 and I think people that only have breast cancer, no mets, are the luckiest people in the world. I think that people with cancer everywhere, who are combative and try to get out of bed and don't know who they are and need to constantly be on narcotics are the norm. I am ONLY TWENTY TWO.

I applaud you for having the strength and courage to do what you do. It can't be easy.

Maybe you could start seeing a counselor? Talking to a professional about your feelings may help. Often times, they can give you feedback to help put your perspective in check. I think it might be beneficial here. Being young and seeing people die all around you is a hard thing to deal with, and there is no shame in that.

Good luck to you and I hope you find a way to be happy, whether that means switching fields, talking to a therapist, or whatever.

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Specializes in Oncology.

Okay, I see what you meant by that now. But really, I think it's sad to look at any of our patients as having it easy. I've seen tons of people start out as breast cancer with no mets and end up with hematological malignancies years later as a result of the treatment.

Really, if oncology is stressing you out so much, it may be time for a change. How long have you worked in oncology?

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Additionally, some people are simply not designed to deal with this kind of environment. I wish some people would put away the machismo and realize that certain people simply cannot tolerate such an environment without sustaining significant psychological insult. I cannot say anything about the OP in regard to this concept; however, we should realize not everybody can work oncology. In addition, supporting each other can be quite helpful.

This "tough love attitude" only alienates people who may have much to offer the profession if they perhaps work in other areas. Have a bit of empathy? In addition, watching people suffer and die from cancer is hard at any age and any level of maturity.

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Only 22? I've been in nursing since I was 21. Now that I'm 33, I have matured a lot and learned a lot one the way, too. But I never thought I'm only 21, I'm too young to be subjected to all this misery.

Misery is a cold fact of life and the longer you are in the medical field the more of it you will see. I see people hanging on by a thread and realize I take my health for granted. I see people suffering with things I pray I will never have to, because I think death would be a much better alternative. Nursing gives you a different perspective on life.

You are far from a baby. Welcome to the geezer crowd. Comes a time to suck it in and be a grown up. When I hit 24 I realized it was the beginning of the end, it's all downhill from there.

Your friends with their sculpture degrees and philosophy degrees will likely be waiting tables at Applebee's soon. Be glad you have a job.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

Is there really anyone here who has never had a bad stretch at work, where you began to feel like death was surrounding you? Have you never awakened in the middle of the night and felt temporarily overwhelmed by sights/sounds/smells that could not be imagined or understood by those who have not had the same experience?

I think the OP is in that uncomfortable place right now. And yes, for her, it is magnified by her young age and the different path she has chosen from many others of her social circle.

OP, while the suggestion that this particular specialty, oncology, may not be for you is certainly a valid one, I would also suggest that you seek out a trusted coworker or two and speak with them. Their ages don't matter. Let them know what you're struggling with -- it is highly likely that they have experienced very similar feelings at some point. What you're describing here is a normal human response to human suffering. A coworker may be able to help you put your experiences in a better professional perspective.

Wishing you peace.

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"I think people that only have breast cancer, no mets, are the luckiest people in the world."

Wow, you might want to put yourself into those individuals' shoes once. Cancer is cancer, whether it's stage one breast or any other. Try going to nursing school, graduating at the top of the class & finding out you have breast cancer 2 months later. Try starting your first nursing job just 3 weeks post mastectomy & try to continue that job while undergoing chemo. Try returning for your first post treatment mammo & find out that now the other breast is "of concern" & then tell me that breast cancer patients are the luckiest people in the world.

Ya, you may be only 22 years old. Maybe you need to grow up & stop feeling sorry for yourself. Or at least get into a different field of nursing. I would not want you to care for me next time I ended up on the oncology floor. I certainly would not welcome a nurse telling me how lucky I was while I'm picking up handfuls of hair, like I did the last time I was hospitalized.

Dixie

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Specializes in Med Surg/Ortho.

Oncology is a very demanding and intense field in nursing. It takes a strong individual to deal with it every day. I am not sure I could do it, and there is nothing wrong with you if you can't handle it anymore. There are many wonderful fields you can get into and really make a difference. Try to remember why you got into nursing. What held your interest in school? Which clinical rotations did you enjoy? But remember, you will have bad days no matter where you work. You will deal with sick, hurt, and sometimes dying people. There is no way around that.

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Specializes in Paediatric Cardic critical care.

I'm only 23, qualified when I was 20.

Have seen a lot of suffering... but it's the difference you can make.

And I think it has a lot to do with mindset and maturity rather than age with reguards to personal coping mechanisms...

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"I think people that only have breast cancer, no mets, are the luckiest people in the world."

Wow, you might want to put yourself into those individuals' shoes once. Cancer is cancer, whether it's stage one breast or any other. Try going to nursing school, graduating at the top of the class & finding out you have breast cancer 2 months later. Try starting your first nursing job just 3 weeks post mastectomy & try to continue that job while undergoing chemo. Try returning for your first post treatment mammo & find out that now the other breast is "of concern" & then tell me that breast cancer patients are the luckiest people in the world.

Ya, you may be only 22 years old. Maybe you need to grow up & stop feeling sorry for yourself. Or at least get into a different field of nursing. I would not want you to care for me next time I ended up on the oncology floor. I certainly would not welcome a nurse telling me how lucky I was while I'm picking up handfuls of hair, like I did the last time I was hospitalized.

Dixie

You're taking that phrase out of context. She never said she would tell a patient that she is lucky. There is no reason to think she is anything but an excellent nurse. See below:

I think you have misunderstood what the OP meant, I took it as she is so used to seeing terminal and difficult disease if she cares for a patient with a curable cancer with no metastisis they are lucky. In other words when all you see is death and dying you start to see it as the norm.

And I think that is her main point, that at 22 years old death and dying are becoming the norm because of her work area.

I think this is exactly it. Let's face it folks, nursing can be depressing. There's nothing wrong with being bothered by coming face-to-face, every day, with the horrible part of life. It's doesn't mean she's immature or selfish, or anything else negative.

To the OP, most hospitals offer EAP (Employee Assistance Program) where you can get counseling. I highly recommend you look into talking to a professional about how you're feeling. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you--they can help you to separate your patients' tragedy from yours, so that you don't internalize things so much. They can help you to focus on the good you're doing rather than be overwhelmed by the sadness you cannot control. Being able to do this is a learned skill, and seeking help for that would be very beneficial for you. Ultimately you may wish to find another field, because there are many, but try the EAP program first to help you sort out your emotions. Good luck to you. :)

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Specializes in Telemetry, Case Management.

I have been in nursing since I was 23. I wasn't "just" 23, as I was in the 6th year of a very bad marriage, had 3 kids under the age of 4 and had just finished nursing school.

In 25 years, I have seen the worst of the worst. In my own life, as a diabetic with a dehisched surgical wound on my leg, my RN daughter and I were SURE I would have to have my leg amputated. Never mind there are probably 100s maybe 1000s of people in my area that have the same thing, treated at home like mine was, and go on, to heal up completely with no further problems, LIKE I DID. BUT we never see those in our day to day lives at work.

OP, step back and see if you like your specialty. Find another one. Life is too short feeling miserable in your job. There are many areas you can go into. And remember, there really are many many many sick people who get well and go home and have good lives. We just don't always see them.

Find the good things in life and enjoy them to the fullest during your time off. Whether your passion is bungee jumping, reading, hiking , or just curled up at home with your loved one, do it and enjoy the daylights out of it. Fill your off time with things that make you happy.

I wish you luck in finding a good job fit!!!

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Specializes in ICU/PACU.

omg...why do you keep saying you are only 22, especially weird is when you did it in all caps at the end. You are a grown up. Most people graduate college by 21, so what is up with your fixation on age? I'm confused.

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i consider 22 yo's to be extremely young adults...

and not yet naturally equipped to be dealing with persistent trauma and death.

if one has grown up in hard times, then many feel competent in dealing with others who suffer.

but for those who have grown up relatively sheltered and naive, i am confident that dealing with end stage cancers could be highly distressful.

op, you need to either seek the services of eap, a trusted mentor, a therapist, or truly, finding another specialty.

if you are not experiencing any fulfillment in assisting those who are dying, then it's time to move on.

and, you are perfectly normal in your reaction.

don't let anyone tell you differently.

i can sense how much this has affected you.

wishing you much peace, and many gentle hugs.

leslie

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