I'm only 22 years old.

GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN · Nov 7, 2008

most people have no idea what we see in oncology. they moan and complain about the most trivial things. it makes me want to slap them. if you stay in oncology, you will be blessed with the gifts these pts show us. you will be much wiser than your friends .

you will see how precious life is, how everything you see each day is a treasure. you will have a greater appreciation for all the little things, a funny movie, a beautiful sunset, fresh coffee, changing of the seasons, a child's innocent play. you will embrace your time with your family and friends. you will see life can be changed and ended at any time, and each day is a gift.

treasure what this is teaching you, do not fear it.

we will all die, you can live a good life and die a good death; and you have the unique privelage of being there to bring comfort and care to a pt and their family during the most difficult time of their lives. enjoy and appreciate each day. you are doing g-d's work. be grateful

SaraO'Hara · Nov 7, 2008

I'm 20... I became a CNA at 17, now an LVN. I think it helps that we, as nurses, can do something more than standing by while people are in pain - pharmaceuticals or no, we have options.

RunHard · Nov 7, 2008

To the OP you're 22 grown and have a career. You should be proud of what you've done, and live with who you wish. Nothing wrong with living with someone at 22.

This is in no way directed at the OP I just wanted to say something about all the comments about how philosophy and sculpting aren't real jobs etc... They are real jobs, not every job is for every person or else we'd have everyone running around as a nurse. People have to choose what makes them happy and what they enjoy. That doesn't mean that they are any less for doing what they do. No, sculpture probably won't save a life, but that doesn't mean that what they do doesn't matter or make a difference. Maybe that artist helps teach art to kids in the inner city, art moves people emotionally everday, and such. So lets not be so hard on those who choose different paths in life. They are all just as important and play just as big roles sometimes.

ncemt · Nov 7, 2008

One way to look at it would be that you are only 22 but already have a great degree, wonderful (if challenging) job, and have the potential for an incredible career in nursing. I wish I could be "only 22" when I graduate from nursing school- I will be a little older and farther behind because at 21 I'm still finishing up my first degree. Congratulations on figuring out early where you belong and think of how many of us second-degreers would love to be in your shoes!

HappyPediRN · Nov 7, 2008

OP I totally get what you are saying. I moved 60 miles fom my family to live with my boyfriend when I was 20 years old, worked 40-60 hours per week while going to school year-round, 18-22 credits per semester to make a better life for myself. I was a total outcast from the rest of my peers, who lived in dorms, partied and had some semblence of a normal social life. There were so many times I wanted to quit and give up but I didn't, and then I graduated in May and still haven't found a full-time job. The challenges have been unbelievable but I have grown so much from them. I feel so much older than my friends and sometimes I have difficulty relating to them. I was lucky enough to work on an oncology floor for 14 months until I left to pursue my RN career. I can really relate on this note too. At 23 years old I was sitting on the edge of a patient's bed, holding their hand as they took their last breath. I was watching hopes and dreams die with every CT scan result, hearts of loved ones break before my eyes, and choked back more tears than I ever thought possible. I can't tell you how many times I sat talking with families to ease their guilt, telling them just to get right with their own hearts before the patient passes away because they dont have to worry about where their loved one is going....to take care of themselves because they will still be here long after their loved one is gone. Every little piece of suffering I was able to take away from a family I put directly on my own heart. Oncology is one of the most heartbreaking, emotionally trying fields in nursing, but it's also one of the most rewarding. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and socially isolated, which is why it's so important to have supportive staff around you and a good outlet at home. Not getting emotionally involved is not an option in oncology, and there will be times where you take a deep breath and think, "My God....I'm only twenty-two. I have barely lived yet I'm holding the hand of someone three years older than me as they take their last breath." It is extremely humbling and you feel grateful, alive, and numb all at once. Sometimes you even feel like, "What do I know about life at 22 to be able to comfort these patients?" But the compassion and empathy of nursing runs deep in your blood to be an oncology nurse and you will be able to get these feelings in check. It's good, in a way, to feel like this, because it lets you know you're still human and you can still feel. The day you stop is the last day you should spend in oncology. It's not fair that such horrible illness exists. Sometimes life is just not fair. Let that be your mantra. You can't change that your 35-year-old patient has stage IV breast cancer with mets to the brain and now has less than one month to live, which means she probably won't see her daughter's first birthday...but you can make sure that while she is your patient she has the best month you can possibly give her and that she is allowed to die with dignity, love, and compassion. You, the 22-year-old oncology nurse, deeply touch the lives of your patients and families for the rest of their lives. You will sometimes be the last face they see before they pass away, and their families will always have a place in their heart for the special nurse who was with them in their darkest hour. That's what it's all about.

I hope you feel better.

Tait, MSN, RN · Nov 7, 2008

On topic:

Nursing is stressful, but it has a wonderful way of making you grow every day, in many ways you might never experience without it. I know I wouldn't be where I am today (married to a wonderful man and living in Georgia many hours from my family) if a patient hadn't touched my heart with his courage and humility while combating (and imminently losing to) cancer.

Allthough the suffering may seem extreme, take from it what you can. Let it touch your heart, and enrich your life and understand how fortunate you are to have the opportunity to see a side of life only nurses/techs really get to be a part of.

Chin up,

Tait

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Nov 7, 2008

Closing for cleanup related to many off-topic posts.

allnurses Guide · Nov 7, 2008

this thread had managed to get itself way off topic so all off topic posts have been removed, i haven't pm'd anyone individually because if you can't find your post then i've deleted it.

to get back to the point.

my friends are finishing up college with majors like sculpture and philosophy. i just moved away from my hometown in june. i don't have a lot of close friends here besides the boyfriend i live with. i'm only 22 years old. am i really supposed to be seeing this much suffering? to face these problems? am i really the leader in the hospital experience? i'm only 22 and i think people that only have breast cancer, no mets, are the luckiest people in the world. i think that people with cancer everywhere, who are combative and try to get out of bed and don't know who they are and need to constantly be on narcotics are the norm. i am only twenty two.

oncologynurse, i have been trying to find the right words to help support you and it's difficult, i remember feeling how you feel and wondering how i could cope with nursing at a young age. when i read through the thread i found this little gem of a post which says what i want to get across so much better than i can. i will quote part of it which i felt is so important in what you do as an oncology nurse

snip.....................................................
i can really relate on this note too. at 23 years old i was sitting on the edge of a patient's bed, holding their hand as they took their last breath. i was watching hopes and dreams die with every ct scan result, hearts of loved ones break before my eyes, and choked back more tears than i ever thought possible. i can't tell you how many times i sat talking with families to ease their guilt, telling them just to get right with their own hearts before the patient passes away because they dont have to worry about where their loved one is going....to take care of themselves because they will still be here long after their loved one is gone. every little piece of suffering i was able to take away from a family i put directly on my own heart. oncology is one of the most heartbreaking, emotionally trying fields in nursing, but it's also one of the most rewarding. it is easy to feel overwhelmed and socially isolated, which is why it's so important to have supportive staff around you and a good outlet at home. not getting emotionally involved is not an option in oncology, and there will be times where you take a deep breath and think, "my god....i'm only twenty-two. i have barely lived yet i'm holding the hand of someone three years older than me as they take their last breath." it is extremely humbling and you feel grateful, alive, and numb all at once. sometimes you even feel like, "what do i know about life at 22 to be able to comfort these patients?" but the compassion and empathy of nursing runs deep in your blood to be an oncology nurse and you will be able to get these feelings in check. it's good, in a way, to feel like this, because it lets you know you're still human and you can still feel. the day you stop is the last day you should spend in oncology. it's not fair that such horrible illness exists. sometimes life is just not fair. let that be your mantra. you can't change that your 35-year-old patient has stage iv breast cancer with mets to the brain and now has less than one month to live, which means she probably won't see her daughter's first birthday...but you can make sure that while she is your patient she has the best month you can possibly give her and that she is allowed to die with dignity, love, and compassion. you, the 22-year-old oncology nurse, deeply touch the lives of your patients and families for the rest of their lives. you will sometimes be the last face they see before they pass away, and their families will always have a place in their heart for the special nurse who was with them in their darkest hour. that's what it's all about.
i hope you feel better.

:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat

blondy2061h, MSN, RN · Nov 7, 2008

Wait, did you just say you think people with cancer are "the luckiest people in the world?" I'm also 22, and I guess I can't relate to these feelings.

Get out of oncology, dude.

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Nov 7, 2008

I think what she is saying is that the things she is seeing on a daily basis are so bad that they make breast CA with no mets look like a picnic.

allnurses Guide · Nov 7, 2008

Wait, did you just say you think people with cancer are "the luckiest people in the world?" I'm also 22, and I guess I can't relate to these feelings.
Get out of oncology, dude.

I think you have misunderstood what the OP meant, I took it as she is so used to seeing terminal and difficult disease if she cares for a patient with a curable cancer with no metastisis they are lucky. In other words when all you see is death and dying you start to see it as the norm.

And I think that is her main point, that at 22 years old death and dying are becoming the norm because of her work area.

beckabeckahi · Nov 7, 2008

First of all, as a fellow oncology nurse, I think that some days we all feel this way. What I am beginning to learn, is that it takes time and awareness, to manage your feelings. I have been overwhelmed recently by the pain and suffering I have seen on my unit, and of course the family members are as tough to handle as well.

I think first and foremost, if you don't feel you can handle oncology nursing, perhaps there is another path for you. For myself, I feel called to this area of nursing, and despite the difficulties, am choosing to continue. Nursing is a great career, with many avenues, and job security in these tough times.

While it's hard to see the pain and suffering, you can't take on the suffering of the patient. You are providing the best care that you can given the constraints of the situation. When you go home, go home. Leave the work behind you and go out and HAVE SOME FUN!! For myself, I love to hike, and many days as I make a point of going when I am busy and as I walk, I think I am doing this because I can. None of us can ever tell when the time will come when we are unable to participate in a healthy life, so enjoy while you can.

Being miserable and depressed isn't going to help your patient, and it's a must to set some emotional boundaries from work and take care of yourself. No one wants a burnt out, emotionally depleted nurse. Ask yourself if you continue this way if you will be a nurse if 5, 10, or 20 years? If the answer is no, something needs to change, either your specialty or how you handle things. Perhaps you take a break from oncology, it will be there in a few years if you feel you want to return.

Dealing with life and death is tough emotionally. Things don't make sense. Each one of us needs to examine our thoughts and feelings about death. I have seen comatose people slip gently into death, and others who have appear to be fighting with death, away from death. These things are beyond our control, and with time, it does get easier. And then you get the patient in which some part of you becomes emotionally attached and it's hard all over again. It's a never ending process to be able to manage your emotions. But the gift you retain is the realization that we should never take a moment of life's gift of time for granted.