im selfish? hmmm

Java_Wench · Jun 11, 2011

Pfft. That's just ridiculous. I'm 38 years old. Never planned on having children. Not a fan of children (they always seem sticky, and I have an almost phobic aversion to stickiness). Well, at 36 I got pregnant. At 37 had my daughter, whom I love with all my heart and soul...stickiness and all. Guess what? Still not a big kid fan (I am however, now a fan of babies).

It's not selfish for Bob's sake. You like what you like and why feel like you "have to" work in OB or Peds because you are a woman? Good grief.

I used to get grilled at my last job why I didn't have children. I was getting old, after all, better get a move on. And people just couldn't seem to understand when I said "I'm not a big fan of kids, and I don't really want to have any". I guess a woman of childbearing age should just be poppin' 'em out left and right to satisfy some people in the public regardless of their situation. Makes no sense to me, but you're not selfish and that person was an idiot.

Jenni811, RN · Jun 11, 2011

Ok, i'm going to be honest. I never wanted children until i met my fiance. He didn't either..so it was perfect.

After my nephew was born, some "instinct" kicked in, more an Auntie instict, but still very nurturing and it came very natural considering i had never been around a baby in my entire life!!

My fiance, fell head over heals over my nephew. I still have the picture of them when we took him to a baseball game and he fell asleep on his shoulders. My nephew is "gaga" over my fiance. So naturally my fiance and i changed our minds once we saw how great children really can be.

i still hate other people's children though (except my sister's)

my4helpers · Jun 11, 2011

I agree, people can be just plain STUPID!! I have a large family as well (4 children) and when I am out, I get all these people staring at me like we have three eyes or something! We have recently begun talking about having one more once I get out of NS. There is no wrong way to live your life and it is your choice! Kids are alot of work and it is a 24/7 job. I never ever get a break, but this is how I chose to live my life. I just don't understand why others think that it's their business and think they should tell you how to live your life!

School is out for the summer, so I better get my thick skin on when we all go out!

As for me, I would give anything to work in the NICU, L&D, Peds or wherever kids are involved. I love others just as much as mine...except the out of control ones. LOL!!

diva rn, BSN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

I am pretty much a contradiction.

I don't like being around kids in general...I never did..However, I worked PICU for 8 years and I loved it...that's because although kids can crash quickly, they also get better very quickly and I saw a lot of what only could be called miracles and this made the job very gratifying...but also...most of the patients were sedated and vented..which meant that they were not running around and making noise or crying (if this makes me a horrible person then so be it)

On the other hand, I have 2 adult daughters whom I love madly.:redbeathe

One 8 yr old grandson and one 3 yr old grandaughter whom I worship...unfortunetly, I only seen them several times a year (maybe that's a good thing, I'm kidding) and I do miss them terribley.:heartbeat

I love my dogs...they are my furry children.

to the op...

the moron that said that to you should have been slapped on general principles....ignorance and narrow mindedness being just two.

diva:p

demylenated, BSN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

I'm so sorry for that hurtful comment. I'm speechless. As for your daughter, your story made me teary in a good way.
How anyone can be repelled by their own special needs child...That breaks my heart. I do understand the parents need to learn to accept the disability. I can speak about this because I have a daughter that is SN. I would give anything to have her normal, for HER sake. Not mine. She has brought me much love and beauty just as she is.

Thank you! It was a terrible thing to hear... and I was just so dumbfounded how someone's mind could even go to that degree.

When my daughter came to live with me, she came with a host of "special needs." She was diagnosed (by a faulty system and a neglectful mother) with ODD, ADHD, Bi-Polar, and Mental Retardation. At age 9, she could not read or write, and could only count to 10.

I treated her like she was "NORMAL." I expected her to behave as she was "NORMAL." (Of course - as normal as possible). Well, I knew right away she suffered from none of those disorders... I took her off the psych meds immediately. In 3 years, she went to reading 5th grade chapter books... Now (4 years later), she is about 4th/5th grade level. All the labels have been removed. She is catching up significantly. She amazes me.

I notice you say you have a lot of children. One thing that goes hand in hand with the OP's complaint is those who think they need to place restrictions on the number of kids a person can have. That is just as rude, crass, judgmental and ignorant as the other position... AS LONG AS your children are provided for, and you don't have more children than you can financially afford, thereby not placing a burden on a society already burdened, then NO ONE has a right to question how many children you have.

For instance - I see so many people comment on the Duggers with 18(?) kids... BUT, their kids are well taken care of, intelligent, responsible, polite (I have a good friend who lives in the same town as them), and the parents are 100% financially independent. They use no government resources at all. It is their business if they want 18 kids... They are taking care of them decently and properly.

No one has a right to tell someone they SHOULD have kids (being irresponsible, selfish if they don't), and not one has a right to say there is a LIMIT to how many children one should have (being irresponsible, selfish if they do).

As an aside (saw this in the post):

To say that the "intelligent" should procreate, and it seems that the "dumb" do it more (so to speak)... wow! That is just an obnoxious point of view.

My paternal grandparents were illiterate. My father dropped out of school in 8th grade, and lied to the military and was shipped to Korea at the grand age of 16. My mother was a SAHM who dropped out of school when she was in 11th grade, and obtained her GED after I was born (I am the youngest). She held ONE job her entire life for 6 months, when I was about 8. My dad was a terribly abusive drunk who beat the crap out of my mom. They were married 42 years before my dad passed away. The last 27 being the best because he didn't drink. In most people's opinion, I should have never been born... BUT:

My father became sober when I was 5. He became a completely different man. He was the lead construction manager of a huge union in PA (and was an officer). He NEVER took a day off of work. He NEVER went to work late... he taught me a GREAT work ethic. My mom stayed home and took care of us kids. She taught me a great sense of love and sacrifice. They NEVER used gov't funds... We didn't always have what we wanted...

My sister has been married over 20 years with 2 kids in college. She has a degree. My brother, married over 25 years, followed in my dad's footsteps, serving this country and then joining the same union and going far in it until he was injured. I am a nurse... We all have a great set of brains, we all went on and became something great... but according to judgmental people, my parents are those who should have never had kids. Thank God they did... If not for my sake, for the sake of my 13 year old daughter who now has a chance to become a productive citizen... whereas before, she had no chance...

So, people need to be careful not to talk out both sides of their mouths (one has a right not to have children.... but not the right to have as many children as they want); and, people shouldn't be so high and mighty and think they know who should and should not have children.

Sorry for the temp hijack... Just answering some things I've seen brought up in this thread :)

So, basically:

The OP is NOT selfish for NOT wanting to have children.

You are not selfish for having 4 children and desiring another.

My parents were NOT selfish by having children and did NOT "pollute" the gene pool.

diva rn, BSN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

I think the Duggers are up to 19 now, however, that last one was something like 23 weeks gestation and in the hospital for months....maybe they are swimming out of the "gene pool"?

If they can support 19 kids, fine...Mazel Tov...but I think TLC is paying them boat loads of money so the general public can tune in an watch this....can you spell exploitation????

They might as well put them on display and charge admission like they did the Dionne quints back in the 1930's...my mom told me about that...it was on the news back then...they would have showings of them just going about their business.

Or how about the ever popular Octomom...how did that work out for her????

People can choose to have as many kids as they wish-if they can support them and NOT expect ME to help with welfare and public assistance...

as far as reality TV goes...they might as well put them on display in a

CARNIVAL......

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

I swing the other way on the pendulum. I have a lot of kids and hear flack all the time on my large family. Some very negative comments.
When it comes to fertility, people think they can for some reason voice their opinions freely.

I have noticed this. I have a friend with seven children. All singletons, ranging in age from 17 to 3. They all have responsibilities and each is encouraged to express himself or herself individually. Also, my friend and her husband are financially and emotionally capable of having these children. When people make comments to her, I want to smack them. It's nobody's business, because no one concieved these children, has helped to raise them, or has contributed to them financially but her family.

RNMom2010 · Jun 11, 2011

There is nothing wrong with a woman not wanting children. That is a personal choice. I have a child and I love being a mom, however one of my best friends can't stand kids and had the Essure procedure done when she was 30. That was her choice and I do not look down on her for it. If a woman truly does not want, or does not like children, how would she be as a mother? Eeek!

GM2RN · Jun 11, 2011

What is more disgusting to me is big families with many, many kids. What is with that? Did they not remember there is a way to prevent that. Having lot's of kids to me is the most selfish thing you can do....do I think they are wonderful people? Absolutely not..

It's only selfish if the kids aren't taken care of, or they are on the public dole because they can't afford them on their own. That is NOT the case with every large family. I know many who have large families and their children are well taken care of and not on welfare. How many children they have is NOBODY else's business, just as it is nobody else's business when people choose to NOT have kids.

netglow, ASN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

This thread has turned out to be fun to read. Some of the posts are just cracking me up. I can't find it now, but I really liked the post that gave advice on comebacks.

Pixiesmom, BSN, RN · Jun 11, 2011

Nope. Your not selfish at all. Your classmate might be an ignorant ass though!

Chixie · Jun 11, 2011

I have a child at home why would i want to take care of kids at work (its my escape)

Seriously those who can do Paeds/Obs,good for them and i pray that my child never has to need you guys but thanks for doing a job that i couldnt do.