im selfish? hmmm

netglow, ASN, RN · Jun 10, 2011

...What is more disgusting to me is big families with many, many kids. What is with that? Did they not remember there is a way to prevent that. Having lot's of kids to me is the most selfish thing you can do....do I think they are wonderful people? Absolutely not..

Yeah that! What I do hate is how when I was in private practice, there were two families with 6 kids (all their own) who, always wanted to talk to the doc about cutting their bill. One of my coworkers would look at me like I was evil when I would heavily counsel my boss the doc not to do it. She'd say, "but they have 6 kids!!!" And I'd tell her that I was sure that after the first one, they knew that having sex might get them another one, and even if they both were stupid, surely after the second one they would put it together!!" One day, when they pulled the same thing, and got a discount I jogged down the hall, took my doc's hand, pulled him out of his office and dragged him down the hall to look out our window so he could watch them all pile in their brand new custom color Cadilllac Escalade, all kids sporting their Abercrombie too. PMO. All my doc said was, "well, sh**!"

Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN · Jun 10, 2011

While having a conversation w/ a young lady Nurse, i happened to mention
1. Don't really like kids
2. Kind of don't want to have kids
3. HATED OB/PEDS rotation and have no interest in these areas.
Her reply ' Oh my gosh you are soo SELFISH... that is so unwomanly (sp) '
So... Just because im a woman, i have to LOVE kids and automatically want to be a L&D, PP, PEDS nurse?
Sigh... Mini rant over... feel better....

I think I would be more selfish if I had a child right now. I wait until the last possible minute to clean out the catbox...don't want to think about what I would do with diapers!

I also disliked OB and general pediatrics. I remember when we started nursing school, everyone wanted to do L & D, Peds & NICU. Out of our (sizable) graduating class, I can think of less than 10 who ended up in these fields, the rest of us went for ER, ICU, M/S or Oncology.

If someone says something to you about having kids, reply "well, I'll have kids as soon as I figure out how babies are made..."

Mini-tangent - a tech I worked with, oh...over four years ago found out I was single. He said to me, "what do you do on Valentine's Day? Hide in your house and cry?"

People always think they can advise you on your personal lives. Maybe they should focus on improving their own!

ReginaPhalange · Jun 10, 2011

I've been told I was selfish because I'm an only child but never because I don't want children. I'm 31 and have absolutely NO desire to ever have children. I've been trying to find an OB/GYN who will perform a tubal to no avail. They seem to think that a woman's fertility is sacred and shouldn't be taken away until mid 40s or even later. I work in the PACU and we sometimes have children come through. I was once recovering an 8 month old after a minor surgery and she woke up and started crying. I immediately requested someone retrieve the family and another nurse came over and picked her up to soothe her. Call me crazy, but I NEVER even thought of picking her up to soothe her. That proved to me that I don't have a motherly bone in my body. We still laugh about that one.

mazy · Jun 10, 2011

I once had a patient tell me that "God hates you and you're going to hell for being so selfish and not having kids." Meh. She was a hard core alcoholic who staggered out into the street drunk and got hit by a car and cracked her head open so bad they had to put her back together again like humpty dumpty. I felt sorry for her kids -- who never once came to visit her.

You just move on....altough I do still remember it years later. Mainly because it was just so meanspirited that I was kind of shocked.

sunshine100 · Jun 10, 2011

I was told that before when I mentioned I do NOT want to work with kids. I do have 2 kids, but I don't care for kids besides my own. I see nothing good about working in peds and dealing with kids and their parents, the parents that think their child is the cutest thing in the world...ick.

I will do my clinical to get through school, but it takes a special kind of person to want to take care of children.

Rensoul · Jun 10, 2011

As a mom of 3 kids of my own & various 'adopted' kids, I can say unequivocally that I have no interest what so ever working L&D, PP, or NICU. General Peds might not be too bad, we'll see how that goes after my Peds rotation this fall. I'm waiting w/ bated breath till all of mine get out of the house! Do I love my kids? Absolutely. Do I think it's my life's calling to forever deal with kids? Not in a heartbeat. Kudo's to the OP for doing what's right for you & not what everyone else thinks you should!

RenSoul

Amparo Pagan Titmus, MSN, RN · Jun 10, 2011

You should have said her perception is so antiquated.

HealthShepherd · Jun 10, 2011

will you please share some of your "raunchy" answers? lol

Not raunchy, but here's my smartorifice answer:

Q: "Why don't you have children?"

A: "Just lucky, I guess."

Also effective on related questions like "Why aren't you married?", "Why don't you have a boyfriend?", "Why are you gay?", "Why don't you go to church?", "Why didn't you go to med school?", etc.

merlee · Jun 10, 2011

What I find disheartening is that wonderful, intelligent people decide to not have kids, while uneducated people seem to have more than their share. Sort of cheapens the gene pool.

Then there are those who thought they would have children but life got in the way. They wake up one day at 45 or so and realize that it's not going to happen. I have 3 good friends who are childless, and only one really chose that option. The others just suddenly realized that the choices they made led them away from having children. One married a widow with grown kids, and is now a grandma without ever being a mommy!

The other is wistful at times that she will never be a mommy. We are all in our late 50's, now, BTW. These women all had wonderful genes to pass on.

But it can be a choice, and it is ultimately no one's business but your own!

thehipcrip · Jun 10, 2011

I'm so with you, and have known that I don't like or want kids since I was a child. That didn't matter to a whole bunch of male doctors in my life, though, who seem to feel that babies are mandatory and every woman who says she doesn't want them is just confused and will change her mind.

Case A) When I was 12-13, a malignant spinal cord tumor was misdiagnosed as anorexia and I was hauled to a psychiatrist. Dr. Y. Chromosome asked me one day about having children and being a mom, and I told him I didn't want kids because I had no patience for them and would make a terrible parent. His response: "As a woman, you 'owe' it to your body to experience pregnancy and childbirth at least once."

Case B) At 21, I needed to find birth control other than the pill after a summer spent battling two cases of bacterial meningitis following anterior and posterior spinal fusions on 10 vertebrae left me battling high blood pressure. When I spoke with a male resident about doing a tubal ligation, I was told that they'd never do that on someone my age because in ten years I'd be back "begging them to reverse it." They put in an IUD instead.

Case C) A year after getting the IUD, I developed an ectopic pregnancy within two weeks after I had it removed. While being prepped for emergency surgery, I asked the surgeon (male) to do the tubal ligation at the same time as the surgery for the ectopic pregnancy. He told me no, he can't do that because I was making the decision under duress. (This was at the same facility where I sought the tubal ligation the year before.) The only reason he consented to do it wasn't because I asked and my chart showed it was a pre-meditated decision -- it was because my mother was there to confirm that I'd said I don't want kids since I was a child. So they did the tubal except, as he told me in the recovery room, he only used one surgical clip per tube instead of two so it would be "easier to reverse later on".

GRRRR!

Rob72, ASN, RN · Jun 10, 2011

I once had a patient tell me that "God hates you and you're going to hell for being so selfish and not having kids." Meh. She was a hard core alcoholic who staggered out into the street drunk and got hit by a car and cracked her head open so bad they had to put her back together again like humpty dumpty. I felt sorry for her kids -- who never once came to visit her.
You just move on....altough I do still remember it years later. Mainly because it was just so meanspirited that I was kind of shocked.

Look deeper. It wasn't you she was talking to. A lot of self-hate in that statement, and a lot of wishing she'd been more discriminatory in her own life.

Most meanspirited/judgemental folks 1) lack judgement (the ability to seperate feelings from facts, and the ability to perceive facts w/o bias) and 2) aren't real fond of their own lives.

They get away from this by turning away from self-analysis and turning to self-medication, and variations of creating self-fulfilling prophecies. I.e., nobody likes me, I'll be an a** to keep them further away.

BOT...

33762FL · Jun 10, 2011

I've been trying to find an OB/GYN who will perform a tubal to no avail. They seem to think that a woman's fertility is sacred and shouldn't be taken away until mid 40s or even later

Have you tried looking at medical services outside the United States? Costa Rica is a big destination for medical tourism, with a lot of big, high-tech "hospital hotels" in the capital San Jose. They are way less paternalistic about reproductive services than in the US (abortion is illegal but anything else is pretty much available as long as you pay for it in CR). Medical procedures cost a lot less there as well. And their hospitals (at least the ones serving foreigners) are much newer and high-tech than any I've seen in the US!