im selfish? hmmm

[OhioCCRN]

While having a conversation w/ a young lady Nurse, i happened to mention

1. Don't really like kids

2. Kind of don't want to have kids

3. HATED OB/PEDS rotation and have no interest in these areas.

Her reply ' Oh my gosh you are soo SELFISH... that is so unwomanly (sp) '

So... Just because im a woman, i have to LOVE kids and automatically want to be a L&D, PP, PEDS nurse?

Sigh... Mini rant over... feel better....

[leslie :-D]

i had a good friend when i was in my 20's.

she was a divorcee with 2 young kids.

i was single at the time.

she used to continually insist that, "single people w/o kids are some of the most self-centered people in the world.

they only think of themselves, whereas moms can't afford to focus on themselves, since we have children."

i do believe that many feel that way.

i consider people like my friend, martyrs. (oh woe is me, types.)

as suggested, i totally believe that if you don't want kids, don't have them.

there's nothing worse than a kid feeling they weren't wanted.

leslie

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

That response was uncalled for. It's why I don't share such things. I live in what is practically the Evangelical Vatican, and I don't want to elicit the response I am pretty sure I will get when I say I don't want children. It's not that I don't like them. It's just that things will get so much worse than they already are, and this is not a world I want a child raised in.

[OhioCCRN, MSN, NP]

Thanks for the replies everyone... For a second there, i felt like i was missing something....

side note: I have the utmost respect for OB/PEDS nurses, I couldn't do what they do at all, it just grates me that if one is not comfortable in such specialties, its automatically assumed that they are lacking...

[PeachPie]

It's considered abnormal to not like kids, and women get judged more harshly. I agree with everyone else here, it would be selfish to have kids knowing that you don't like or want them. Seriously, I've seen so much horrific abuse of children, and even neglect or calling your kid a mistake is horrible. We non-parents are the selfish ones compared to them?

I also think that it's part of an American society thing. Politicians and other self-image promoters often promote themselves as family men or women, and people let that affect their judgment when they should be judging the credentials. I consider it to be a form of "pimping" to show off the family in such a self-image promotion. I remember seeing a commercial for a carpal tunnel syndrome clinic in which the owner promoted his smiling family, complete with his young daughter saying, "I'm Daddy's widdle girl!"My boyfriend commented that they looked like deer in headlights. I later read in a local news article that his medical license had been revoked for testing positive for cocaine and domestic abuse of his fourth wife, along with a string of other dysfunctions. However, people keep falling for things like Palin's hockey mom image and probably go to the carpal tunnel clinic thinking that his persona must mean good service.

[Crux1024]

I dont like kids either...and I have two...

OP, To each their own. We're not all apron wearing, cake baking, soccer momming women. You do what you want and let her live in her own little world.

[miss_meg]

I totally agree with you! People will react negatively to women who want to remain child free, you'll just have to learn to take it in stride. It doesn't mean we're selfish, quite the contrary I think. I applaud you for being honest with yourself about your feelings and not jumping on the baby bump bandwagon. One thing that's even more taboo to admit than not wanting kids is that you have them but wish you didn't. I think the latter is far more common than anyone wants to think about, unfortunately.

[chaos0058]

I'm starting BSN in the fall and am not into kids. Actually, it's more that I think they're cute/likeable/nonthreatening from a distance...once they get within a 5-10 foot radius, that totally changes.

Anyway, this thread is immensely reassuring! This was/is one of the things I worry about, so it's nice to know there are tons of awesome nurses out there (thus, tons of people who managed to pass Peds clinicals) who are not into little ones!

[CrazziiRN913, ADN, BSN]

I love my daughter think I might want another kid soon....really don't like dealing with other people children though and I'm quick to tell them. I love my nieces and nephews very much but wouldn't want to have then over constantly just because I have a baby....p/s I don't want to work peds or ob after I finish

[K nurse-one-day]

I dont like kids either. I have 2 and I love them to death, but no one elses. LOL

Just b/c you're a female doesn't mean you have to like/want/have kids. Thats a silly outdated stigma that needs to be lost. People who don't want kids shouldnt have them just b/c society thinks you should.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting or having kids, and doesn't make you selfish in any way, shape or form. Thats crazy. selfish to who?

Ignore this stupid girl

[Skips, MSN, RN]

Like you, I am a woman, who does not want to work in OB or PEDS when I become a nurse. It's no big deal.

[rumwynnieRN]

It's considered abnormal to not like kids, and women get judged more harshly. I agree with everyone else here, it would be selfish to have kids knowing that you don't like or want them. Seriously, I've seen so much horrific abuse of children, and even neglect or calling your kid a mistake is horrible. We non-parents are the selfish ones compared to them?

I also think that it's part of an American society thing. Politicians and other self-image promoters often promote themselves as family men or women, and people let that affect their judgment when they should be judging the credentials. I consider it to be a form of "pimping" to show off the family in such a self-image promotion. I remember seeing a commercial for a carpal tunnel syndrome clinic in which the owner promoted his smiling family, complete with his young daughter saying, "I'm Daddy's widdle girl!"My boyfriend commented that they looked like deer in headlights. I later read in a local news article that his medical license had been revoked for testing positive for cocaine and domestic abuse of his fourth wife, along with a string of other dysfunctions. However, people keep falling for things like Palin's hockey mom image and probably go to the carpal tunnel clinic thinking that his persona must mean good service.

HAHAHA, I know who you're talking about! That doctor is in the city I live in. Whenever my cousin saw the commercial and how he "would treat you like family," she said, "So you'll beat us?"

Anyway, kids are great, but not for everyone. So you don't want kids, big deal. You won't be the first nor the last nurse who doesn't want children. And "unwomanly?" What time period are we in?

[Little Miss Coffee]

I like kids sometimes. Usually. Depends on the kid's demeanor. I don't always know how to relate to them but don't consider that a bad thing about them. I usually find babies really cute.

And yet I'm not sure I want kids. I have no pressure to worry about it now, so that's fine. I've always felt strongly that adoption may be my ideal route for a number of reasons.

I don't understand why it's so "selfish" not to want kids. Because you don't have to spend time and effort on them? So what? That doesn't mean you aren't still spending time and effort on other people, perhaps being VERY generous with that energy...

This is one of the ways sexism still exists and gender roles can be harmful. People are allowed to assume there's something a little "off" about women who don't want children. They assume we're just naturally programmed to immediately want to nurture babies. This plays to the most primitive of ideas about males and females in an age when we supposedly pride ourselves on being philosophically advanced.