I'm so embarrassed

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Nov 7, 2010

Girlfriend, you need to get a thick skin! Why are you such a pleaser? You sound like you are knocking yourself out to get approval from those around you. Give YOURSELF some approval! Look in the mirror and say, "I am smart, I have integrity and I am GREAT!" Someone must have stolen your self-esteem along life's path, and you need to get it back. It is time to rely on YOURSELF to be your OWN cheerleader. Stop with the "hated myself" comments. You are just beating yourself down. What would your advice be to a dear friend in the situations you described in the above post? Hmmm....to quit being so hard on yourself? To have a zero tolerance for abusive patients? To value yourself more? YEP! Maybe you should read a book on how to set boundaries, how to develop self esteem and how to say no without the guilt. Believe me, you will need these tools when you are in the nursing field.

bustthewave · Nov 7, 2010

Seriously, I've always been doing more than I have to. I gave a whole cart of water for patient's family members along with ice creams and snacks, etc. I've always done more than what I have to. When my pt hit me, it was my fault. It's not until my nurse came in the room and said to my patient that it was inappropriate for her to hit me that I realize that patient cannot hit me. I think I've been a martyr. When my pt scolded me for no reasons, I just cried. When an old man tried to give me his engagement words, I just became silent and sobbing. And, I went home and I hated myself because I'm just a tech. That's why he dared to say his stupid and ignorant engagement words to me. I've been depreciated. I didn't know that I can say "no" to my customers. I've learned that I can say "no" to not only customers but also their family members. I think I've had enough of self-criticisms. I'm dealing with everything in my life right now: I'm living alone in a place where friends are too busy to be friends, all my friends are in the East, and not in the health care field, nursing school is so demanding. I thank you all for your support.
about the my pt. He said he itchy and wet all over his body and he couldn't move his body when I assessed his musculoskeletal system. He begged me for another bath. Yet, he could move when my nurse was there. I didn't know that. My nurse didn't tell me that he could move until I reported to her that I had given him 2 baths.
Yes. I was my fault to let this guy control me. I'll be in control again.
Yes. I tried to laugh it off by becoming super excited (plus the fact that I've just learned that my new clinical site is at a super nice place) yesterday. Hopefully, it had gone away. But then when I tried to laugh it off so much, it turned out that it was unusual.
I plan to judge whether I'm going to do anything for anyone even my patient.
Now, I say no to any criticisms. I have to stop criticize myself. I mean I will keep criticizing my behaviors but not myself. And, I need to appreciate myself and what I've done. I've been very good to patients. No patients have ever complained of my service. A few request seeing me when they're back. Some even thank me profusively. I think I'm good enough. This is just one black spot in so many tons of good things that I've done.
Thank you :)

I would imagine this kind of thing can happen (I preface every comment with - I am not a nurse yet, and have not even started clinicals, so aside from other life experiences, I can't relate specifically but only generally). I think what you're saying is positive. It's important for you to know that you are not a bad person for as has been said - being human. Sounds like you are doing what you need to do to prevent something like this from happening again.

And - guilt will make you think everyone is against you and knows. They don't. If no one has said anything to you, then the only thing you can do is assume that no one even noticed because likely - they didn't.

LuxCalidaNP · Nov 7, 2010

WoW! I seeing some serious projection and judgement going on here of this young one! Take it EASY AllNurses posters!

IknowIcanRN · Nov 7, 2010

This guy sounds like a creep. You were just a little inexperienced, but not anymore! I'm sorry this happened to you. You know how to handle this situation from now on. Good luck!:hug:

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Nov 7, 2010

WoW! I seeing some serious projection and judgement going on here of this young one! Take it EASY AllNurses posters!

I hope that I did not sound harsh when delivering advice to this young OP. But these quotes sent red flags up for me:

I think I'm good enough.

I think I've been a martyr.

I've been depreciated.

And I went home and hated myself because I am just a tech.

And I need to appreciate myself and what I have done.

I was trying to send the message that she IS appreciated and that she should see that in herself. These quotes make me think of someone with a low self esteem, which I myself suffered from for a large part of my life. It was only through positive self-talk and reading lots of books on how to set boundaries and how to be gentle with myself that I was able to overcome this stagnating and imprisoning mindset.

OP, please know that I only had the best of intentions in my post. I did review it again, and I can see how someone would take it as being too harsh or even judgemental. That was not the sentiment I was trying to convey at all. I want YOU to believe in YOURSELF, because you will need confidence and poise to get through some tough years ahead of you. I think that you can do it, as some of your comments spoke to the way you are changing your thought processes. Keep on with a positive mindset. I support your learning, and I truly wish you the best. Strap on that suit of armour, girl! You can do it!

rn/writer, RN · Nov 7, 2010

Dear nursingishard,

Please be good to yourself. Seek out some new friends. Be slow to trust, but still, go looking for kind and decent people to make a part of your life. One of the biggest things that jumped out at me from your posts is that you are lonely. You sound like someone who enjoys other people and likes to engage in the give and take of friendship, yet the folks you are closest too are many miles away.

Join a church, if you are so inclined. Meet neighbors. Go for walks in a nearby park. I'd stay away from the bar scene--lots of sharks, losers and mean girls--with one exception; hang out at a friendly bar during a ballgame.

Do something good for yourself every day. Call the ones back home. Write in a journal. Take a nice, hot soaking bath with a good novel and a glass of wine close at hand.

Once you have gotten past this somewhat raw stage, you'll be in a better position to decide what is healthy giving and what is desperate reaching.

Your posts show that you have great drive, determination and sensitivity. This can be a fabulous combination if kept in balance.

Visit this thread and brag on yourself a little:

For Fun--Kudos 2 Me...The thread - Page 10- Nursing for Nurses

See if there are any like-minded individuals in your class that are serious about school but want to have a little fun.

There are lots of lonely people out there.

I admire you for being brave enough to post about a problem. It may seem like we're piling on to criticize, but I think I speak for most of us in saying we hate to see you being taken advantage of or not thinking enough of yourself to set limits.

You will get through this time and look back someday in amazement at all you have learned.

Many hugs,

Miranda

johnnyDoGood · Nov 7, 2010

Yesterday, I had a patient who looked so much like my ex-big-crush. And, I was blushing all over my face when I was giving him a bath. I feel horrible. It was non-professional. I just wanted to have a hole and bury myself in there!!!! What's worse? He made me give him a bath twice during my 12-hour shift. I didn't know I could have told him that I don't give a bath twice. I think he sensed that I was ... so, he took advantage of that. I was too noob a tech!!! Worse, other nurses sensed that. Even tho they don't say a thing, I know they knew that. I feel horrible. Plus, I was hyper-excited today coming to work because I learned that my clinical site for my coming rotation in school is going to be an awesome place. The nurses look at me very strangely. I'm afraid they may think that I was becoming hyper-excited because of the incident. I just wanted to die!!!!

better be careful about your emotions and romantic feelings in the workplace. actually, the workplace is the wrong place for such endeavors. when things turn sour, it can turn out to be a career or job killer for you or him both. i've seen many office crushes and romances turn very badly in the workplace, and one or the other had to quit.

tyvin, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2010

Not to get off the subject at hand but the majority of normal heterosexual male patients of mature age will be or are excited about the prospect of a young female giving them a bed bath; this is a common fantasy when men are in the hospital. Be careful as that guy sounds like a real looooooser.

Never clean the jewels when the man is able to; that's common sense. The man has got to be comatose, had both arms broken or some other intense reason for me to clean his junk.

The scenario I love is when they come and tell me go bathe so and so because he won't let his male nurse do it. Let me at him! It usually turns out to be someone who thinks he is getting a modified hand job for free. Yes, yes there are those who are old school and just can't tolerate a male nurse but times have changed and all those people should be dead.

You sound like there is a self-confidence issue playing here. There will be plenty of times when we run into that ghost of another that spews feelings we don't want others to see. That's just it; they can't see unless you tell them. All you have to do is block the thought and use another in it's place and keep it there unless you intend to act on it. So carry on and learn from all the posts that have offered up solutions. I didn't see any harsh or hard on you posts; only honest and good advice.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Nov 8, 2010

I will never forget when I was in nsg school and in clinicals one day. I was assigned to a pt who was s/p appendectomy and was scheduled to be d/c'd that day. Our focus was on hygiene. I went into his room, introduced myself, took vitals, and told him that he was supposed to get a bath this morning. Mind you, I was terribly gullible...so I asked him if he wanted me to give him the bath or if he wanted me to set everything up for him to do it himself. And his reply was (DRUMROLL PLEASE....) "I want YOU to do it!"

Of course he did...

middleager · Nov 8, 2010

tyvin, I can not believe you would make such a sexist statement. I am a NORMAL-MATURE-HETEROSEXUAL-MALE and I assure you being forced to have a young woman bath me in a hospital is hardly a fantasy for me or I can assure you many men. None of my fantasies take place with me being helpless or in a hospital. How would you feel about a statement like the majority of women are terrible drivers, or the majority of women are to emotional to be good leaders. There are numerous blogs including two by a Dr. Bernstein and a Dr. Sherman about patients, including male patients who have concern for their modesty in medical situations. The poster who started this thread was obviously concerned and embaressed by the situation, its understandable, it happens, learn from it. But to classify the MAJORITY OF NORMAL MATURE HETEROSEXUAL MALES as getting their kicks in these situations, why not just say the majority of mature males are pervs looking for cheap thrills. We are not there for cheap thrills, we are there becasue we are sick or injured. Sexism isn't exclusive to one gender.

Scrubby · Nov 8, 2010

Yesterday, I had a patient who looked so much like my ex-big-crush. And, I was blushing all over my face when I was giving him a bath. I feel horrible. It was non-professional. I just wanted to have a hole and bury myself in there!!!! What's worse? He made me give him a bath twice during my 12-hour shift. I didn't know I could have told him that I don't give a bath twice. I think he sensed that I was ... so, he took advantage of that. I was too noob a tech!!! Worse, other nurses sensed that. Even tho they don't say a thing, I know they knew that. I feel horrible. Plus, I was hyper-excited today coming to work because I learned that my clinical site for my coming rotation in school is going to be an awesome place. The nurses look at me very strangely. I'm afraid they may think that I was becoming hyper-excited because of the incident. I just wanted to die!!!!

If things are becoming 'non professional' then there is a problem. If you think the patient is getting some sort of sexual gratification out of being bathed then it's time to do something about it. If he's capable of washing himself, yet requests you do it for him then you need to make it clear to him that his expectations are inappropriate and inform the nurse in charge of what is going on.

Seriously, I've always been doing more than I have to. I gave a whole cart of water for patient's family members along with ice creams and snacks, etc. I've always done more than what I have to. When my pt hit me, it was my fault. It's not until my nurse came in the room and said to my patient that it was inappropriate for her to hit me that I realize that patient cannot hit me. I think I've been a martyr. When my pt scolded me for no reasons, I just cried. When an old man tried to give me his engagement words, I just became silent and sobbing. And, I went home and I hated myself because I'm just a tech. That's why he dared to say his stupid and ignorant engagement words to me. I've been depreciated. I didn't know that I can say "no" to my customers. I've learned that I can say "no" to not only customers but also their family members. I think I've had enough of self-criticisms. I'm dealing with everything in my life right now: I'm living alone in a place where friends are too busy to be friends, all my friends are in the East, and not in the health care field, nursing school is so demanding. I thank you all for your support.

about the my pt. He said he itchy and wet all over his body and he couldn't move his body when I assessed his musculoskeletal system. He begged me for another bath. Yet, he could move when my nurse was there. I didn't know that. My nurse didn't tell me that he could move until I reported to her that I had given him 2 baths.

Yes. I was my fault to let this guy control me. I'll be in control again.

Yes. I tried to laugh it off by becoming super excited (plus the fact that I've just learned that my new clinical site is at a super nice place) yesterday. Hopefully, it had gone away. But then when I tried to laugh it off so much, it turned out that it was unusual.

I plan to judge whether I'm going to do anything for anyone even my patient.

Now, I say no to any criticisms. I have to stop criticize myself. I mean I will keep criticizing my behaviors but not myself. And, I need to appreciate myself and what I've done. I've been very good to patients. No patients have ever complained of my service. A few request seeing me when they're back. Some even thank me profusively. I think I'm good enough. This is just one black spot in so many tons of good things that I've done.

I think you need to have a long hard look at whether or not nursing is for you. Nursing is tough and if you're going to go into meltdown because a patient scolded you then you're in for a big shock.

OttawaRPN · Nov 8, 2010

tyvin, I can not believe you would make such a sexist statement. I am a NORMAL-MATURE-HETEROSEXUAL-MALE and I assure you being forced to have a young woman bath me in a hospital is hardly a fantasy for me or I can assure you many men. None of my fantasies take place with me being helpless or in a hospital. How would you feel about a statement like the majority of women are terrible drivers, or the majority of women are to emotional to be good leaders. There are numerous blogs including two by a Dr. Bernstein and a Dr. Sherman about patients, including male patients who have concern for their modesty in medical situations. The poster who started this thread was obviously concerned and embaressed by the situation, its understandable, it happens, learn from it. But to classify the MAJORITY OF NORMAL MATURE HETEROSEXUAL MALES as getting their kicks in these situations, why not just say the majority of mature males are pervs looking for cheap thrills. We are not there for cheap thrills, we are there becasue we are sick or injured. Sexism isn't exclusive to one gender.

Okay... maybe the comment was sexist. But where do you think the image of the naughty nurse in a skimpy skin-tight white short-skirted nursing uniform, with five inch heels and big boobs hanging out came from? Women?? I dont' think so. If this isn't a secret fantasy of yours, then you're probably among the minority.