If people make me feel bad, I've been bullied

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

For all the bullies reading this thread, try not to be so sensitive when people call you on your inappropriate, counterproductive behavior. Also, you aren't as special as you think you are. Good night.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

There's ways to accomplish the same thing without jumping down their necks in front of the patient.

Well I guess we'll agree to disagree on this. I'd still rather yell at somebody to stop what they are doing right now before they make a massive mistake that can cause injury. I'd still rather take them aside and chew them out for a mistake made than blow sunshine and rainbows up their behind by saying it's ok, mistakes happen when it is not ok. That goes for being on the receiving end of the chewing out as well. Believe me if I am told in no uncertain terms that my mistake was not ok I am not going to make that mistake again.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

One thing I've found from nursing school and my two years out.

Constructive feedback is always specific. One knows exactly where they went wrong and can develop and action plan to ensure they don't do it again.

Feedback when it comes from a different motive is always non specific and the person is left with no idea how to improve.

I recall as a student, on a morning shift I had been invited down to another ward for an education session. My allocated patient did not want to get up at that point (I had them up the morning previous for a full shower and ablutions), so I negotiated with them that I would return in an hour and we would complete a wash at the bed side. I ensured that my patient was comfortable had everything that they needed and didnt need to go to the loo

I had been unable to locate my preceptor however the tutor advised that she would notify my preceptor where I had gone.

I got back within 45 minutes to find out in the time I had been gone my patient had been incontinent of urine and my preceptor in a righteous anger. I was accused of leaving my patient in a urine soaked bed and numerous other deficiencies of character. The ironic thing was that I'd already had another one of this nurses patients up that morning for a full change of nightgown and linens due to a blocked catheter. I'd checked my patient prior to leaving and their bed had been very much dry.

I decided to use this as a learning opportunity and asked her for feedback. She told me that she didnt think I had what it took to be a registered nurse. And I should go home and read up on the nursing basics. When I asked her to clarify that she said "oh just the basics". Seriously do I need to mention how much stuff is included in the 'nursing basics'?

I actually felt more of anger than anything else. Despite my multiple character flaws I would never EVER knowingly leave a patient in a urine soaked bed. As well as ripping me a new one, she had gotten stuck into my tutor who had more experience in her little finger than this silly cow would have had in a life time. Fortunately the nurse also had a history of this sort of behavior and this was not held against me.

MA Nurse · Feb 6, 2015

There's so much wrong with my title. Yes, we have every right to our feelings. I feel sad, I feel bad, I am happy, I feel great!
But, to blame others for our emotional state is a cop out.
Yes, bullying does exist and can be devastating. But just because our feelings are hurt does not make us victims.

Hmmm. so my question to you is: Did someone tell you they felt bullied by you? I know I have felt bullied in the workplace. I had to tell a coworker she was bullying me. There's a difference between constructive criticism and being a mean nurse. I've worked with mean nurses. Not saying you are mean, I don;t even know you. Just curious about what happened to make you write this.

Emergent, RN · Feb 6, 2015

Hmmm. so my question to you is: Did someone tell you they felt bullied by you? I know I have felt bullied in the workplace. I had to tell a coworker she was bullying me. There's a difference between constructive criticism and being a mean nurse. I've worked with mean nurses. Not saying you are mean, I don;t even know you. Just curious about what happened to make you write this.

Hi. I've never been accused of bullying. I tend to be self-effacing and non-aggressive in the workplace and I've actually tended to be on the receiving end in the past. It's taken me years to overcome some of my social phobias and learn to stand up for myself.

What prompted this post was a rather dramatic thread recently started here, claiming bullying on what I thought were very weak grounds. For those of us who have been socially ostracized, and perhaps bullied, it's irksome to see the term broadened to include every hurt feeling and slight under the sun.

Fruit Sucker · Feb 6, 2015

There is a sneaky secondary gain to be had when you end up getting harsh with another person. There's a little power spike, it feels good, it puts you 'up' a couple of notches, lord knows how much we nurses always feel put down. At least we can wrestle it out with each other (sarcasm)

Disagree. I hate having to reprimand people. And I often go back later and make sure that they know it is professional and not personal. No power spike, no feeling good, I would rather avoid reprimanding people altogether but that just isn't possible because people do unprofessional things that call for it.

Fruit Sucker · Feb 6, 2015

There's ways to accomplish the same thing without jumping down their necks in front of the patient.

Stop right there. Nobody on this thread advocated doing anything in front of a patient. You'd be hard pressed to find anyone on this site who thinks that is appropriate.

Fruit Sucker · Feb 6, 2015

A continuum exist ranging from things like passive aggressive behavior to violence. Whether or not you would label it as bullying or not is inconsequential.

Actually, that's the entire point of the thread. I'm not sure if you meant my opinion specifically is inconsequential (not taking that bait) or if the opinions of others in general wrt bullying are inconsequential. If it's the latter, I'm not sure whose opinions/standards you are implying should define the term. Again, that's the point of this thread, defining the term.

inshallamiami · Feb 6, 2015

One thing I've found from nursing school and my two years out.
Constructive feedback is always specific. One knows exactly where they went wrong and can develop and action plan to ensure they don't do it again.
Feedback when it comes from a different motive is always non specific and the person is left with no idea how to improve.
I recall as a student, on a morning shift I had been invited down to another ward for an education session. My allocated patient did not want to get up at that point (I had them up the morning previous for a full shower and ablutions), so I negotiated with them that I would return in an hour and we would complete a wash at the bed side. I ensured that my patient was comfortable had everything that they needed and didnt need to go to the loo
I had been unable to locate my preceptor however the tutor advised that she would notify my preceptor where I had gone.
I got back within 45 minutes to find out in the time I had been gone my patient had been incontinent of urine and my preceptor in a righteous anger. I was accused of leaving my patient in a urine soaked bed and numerous other deficiencies of character. The ironic thing was that I'd already had another one of this nurses patients up that morning for a full change of nightgown and linens due to a blocked catheter. I'd checked my patient prior to leaving and their bed had been very much dry.
I decided to use this as a learning opportunity and asked her for feedback. She told me that she didnt think I had what it took to be a registered nurse. And I should go home and read up on the nursing basics. When I asked her to clarify that she said "oh just the basics". Seriously do I need to mention how much stuff is included in the 'nursing basics'?
I actually felt more of anger than anything else. Despite my multiple character flaws I would never EVER knowingly leave a patient in a urine soaked bed. As well as ripping me a new one, she had gotten stuck into my tutor who had more experience in her little finger than this silly cow would have had in a life time. Fortunately the nurse also had a history of this sort of behavior and this was not held against me.

Well said! In fact, I love the way you write, with all the "British-isms" like "loo" and "ablutions" its makes your post about bullying seem like an episode of Downton Abbey!

Fruit Sucker · Feb 6, 2015

For all the bullies reading this thread, try not to be so sensitive when people call you on your inappropriate, counterproductive behavior. Also, you aren't as special as you think you are. Good night.

And what evidence do you have that there are bullies on this thread? Bullies who think they are special? Or are you just imagining that there are bullies out there reading your post and thinking up dastardly ways to make you cry?

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Feb 6, 2015

STAFF MEMO:

There are a number of posts in this thread that are bordering on personal attacks and others that clearly cross the line. Consider this due warning that if this behaviour continues, the thread will be closed.

mariebailey, MSN, RN · Feb 6, 2015

We work in a field where people's health, limbs and even their lives are at stake. Yelling at someone who is about to screw up is not ideal, but there are times when it's the only thing you CAN do to prevent great harm to your patients. I'm talking raised voice/increased decibels, not berating or belittling. I have raised my voice (to be heard above the hub-bub of a team of residents evaluating sinus rhythm with artifact and finding VT) and yelled "STOP" to prevent one of them from defibrillating a patient who clearly didn't need it. I've yelled "Not THERE!" to a nurse practitioner who was about to push anesthesia reversals through an arterial line after saying calmly, "You can use this line," "This line is free" and finally "That's the art line" didn't get through to her.
In most cases, those who are yelled at are those whose "esteem problems" are in the direction of having too much of it, not too little. And if my yelling "STOP!" to prevent harm to my patient causes the individual on the recieving end to develop negative self esteem, I'm really sorry, but my patient comes before your self esteem issues.

That's all fine and dandy that you were looking out for your patients, but are you not capable of acting professionally while doing it? Perhaps it is your ego that is the problem. No points for you.