If people make me feel bad, I've been bullied

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There's so much wrong with my title. Yes, we have every right to our feelings. I feel sad, I feel bad, I am happy, I feel great!

But, to blame others for our emotional state is a cop out.

Yes, bullying does exist and can be devastating. But just because our feelings are hurt does not make us victims.

Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.
I think the problem is that some people don't know how to give constructive criticism; and yes, there is a way to give constructive criticism. It's a technique/method to it. You have to be mindful of how you deliver your message and how your opinion is received, especially if you're giving criticism on a forum. We should take note of what we're saying and how we're saying it when electing to provide constructive criticism.

And even more do not know how to accept constructive criticism, without labeling it "bullying".

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The Downward Spiral: Incivility in Nursing, on Medscape

Medscape: Medscape Access

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The term "bullying" is like the term "hate crime." It has been expanded to include anything and everything, and therefore has lost its usefulness.

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Specializes in Mental Health Nursing.
And even more do not know how to accept constructive criticism, without labeling it "bullying".

Which is why it is important how constructive criticism is delivered. Most people think they are giving constructive criticism when they are really just being rude, insensitive, and/or uncompassionate. Constructive criticism is a skill and not everyone is in the position to deliver it adequately. Is it intentional bullying? No. But sometimes one should look at themselves before automatically concluding that the recipient of constructive criticism is just blindly calling the criticism bullying.

Also, feeling "bullied" is subjective in nature. We all do not feel the same about what is labeled bullying and it cannot be standardized. It's just one of those things that differs depending on where you were raised, how you were raised, what experiences you've faced, etc. If someone feels they are being bullied, the best thing is to understand why rather than going on a tirade about how everything is labeled bullying.

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Interesting thread. Bullies don't recognize that they are bullies. It's just the way they are and are the most vocal when it comes to pointing out how misused the word is.

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There is a certain behavior that we all need in the workplace--professionalism. As a pp pointed out, that also extends to clinicals--by a couple of students calling another "annoying"--this is inappropriate. If you are making statements that are not constructive, regarding a personal trait of another, or just plain being rude, no wonder people think they are being bullied. With what goal? "Oh, yes, I am annoying, I will be mindful?" Come on now--one's opinion of me is none of my business, and no business in the business.

This childish nonsense in the workplace is perpetuated by passive/aggressive types who can not separate work from personal. And personal has no place in a setting where we all are a captive audience.

For some, with a lot of patients, no time to eat/drink/pee the last thing one wants to hear is how "annoying" others find them. How is one to respond to that, and what is the goal? And by pointing out the inappropriateness of this, then they are "playing the victim?"

Doesn't matter what personality traits one finds distasteful in another. In personal lives, you just move on. In work life, one really has little choice but to "take it".

If we all made a thought process of only being truly constructive--no more name calling, calling people out for traits that are a part of them--and focused on what people do well--(again this is work, not a luncheon/interview for a shi-shi exclusive club or something) If you choose to make comments at all--well, then I think bullying would not be such an issue.

Constructive feedback is just that--constructive. With some sort of goal oriented thought process. People can be awesome, and have poor nursing skills. People can have awesome nursing skills and be a less than stellar person. Focus on the nursing skill.

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There is a certain behavior that we all need in the workplace--professionalism. As a pp pointed out, that also extends to clinicals--by a couple of students calling another "annoying"--this is inappropriate. If you are making statements that are not constructive, regarding a personal trait of another, or just plain being rude, no wonder people think they are being bullied. With what goal? "Oh, yes, I am annoying, I will be mindful?" Come on now--one's opinion of me is none of my business, and no business in the business.

This childish nonsense in the workplace is perpetuated by passive/aggressive types who can not separate work from personal. And personal has no place in a setting where we all are a captive audience.

For some, with a lot of patients, no time to eat/drink/pee the last thing one wants to hear is how "annoying" others find them. How is one to respond to that, and what is the goal? And by pointing out the inappropriateness of this, then they are "playing the victim?"

Doesn't matter what personality traits one finds distasteful in another. In personal lives, you just move on. In work life, one really has little choice but to "take it".

If we all made a thought process of only being truly constructive--no more name calling, calling people out for traits that are a part of them--and focused on what people do well--(again this is work, not a luncheon/interview for a shi-shi exclusive club or something) If you choose to make comments at all--well, then I think bullying would not be such an issue.

Constructive feedback is just that--constructive. With some sort of goal oriented thought process. People can be awesome, and have poor nursing skills. People can have awesome nursing skills and be a less than stellar person. Focus on the nursing skill.

I agree it's not necessary to say that someone else at work is annoying, but something like that should not be a big deal. If I were the "annoying" person, I would either choose to ignore it, or I would get a few people together, including those two, and say, "hey guys, I'm noticing I'm not fitting in with the team here- any thoughts on that?" I've done it before at work, because I care about my reputation and whether people think I'm annoying. If it's one person, it might be them. If it's multiple people it's time to start thinking about how you're the problem. If you're the one who can't get along with anyone, it's on you to deal with it when nobody likes you, and solve the problem. An inability to do so is the sign of a pain in the *** person who plays the victim when they are the one causing problems in the workplace. Also, maybe if you're cool about it and ask the other workers, they don't actually think you're that annoying, were just blowing off steam, and now understand that you are one of the team and not a weirdo crybaby who will run to HR.

Again, that's me, and I'd rather deal with things than run off and cry to somebody else. Running and telling solves nothing unless you've tried everything else and that's all you have left.

Edit:

People can have awesome nursing skills and be a less than stellar person. Focus on the nursing skill.

I'm sorry to disagree with you, but getting along with others and fitting in is a skill that should be expected of all adults in the workplace. Nobody should expect others to tolerate a problem personality in a co-worker just because that's what comes naturally to the person. Some effort is called for to fit in in a team environment. In my opinion, people who don't take the necessity of that skill seriously end up being problem employees.

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And people who use sarcasm, eye-rolling, gossiping, information hoarding, disregarding your needs/concerns are just doing the socially acceptable form of bullying...but it's still bullying.

None of those things are bullying. They feel bad, yes, but they are not bullying. Sarcasm and eye rolling never made anyone fear for their safety. Things like this are why people think that majority women workplaces are full of emotionally histrionic crybabies. Most of my life I've worked in a majority male field, and I never saw anyone there cry or go to HR because another man gossiped about them. In many of those jobs, having curse words shouted in your face was a normal part of my day, and if anybody had cried or reported it to HR, everyone would have been astounded. Being a woman does not have to mean being a sissy and making every grain of sand into a giant boulder to weep upon.

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Specializes in kids.

This thread. Wow. Just Wow.

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Interesting thread. Bullies don't recognize that they are bullies. It's just the way they are and are the most vocal when it comes to pointing out how misused the word is.

Or how it's not their problem how they come across, and how people need to toughen up and not be so sensitive.

I agree there may be very little open intention to bully. I think that is rare, especially if we are discussing our peers. What isn't rare is not thinking about how you are coming across, and tailoring it to fit the person who needs feedback. I've yet to meet a person who is motivated to improve by being whacked with a stick. It's communication laziness. "I don't care how I come across, the new nurse needs to learn to do this right." You might as well say nothing at all, it will do less damage. Yes, people are that sensitive. If you (the generic you) are not, then have some respect for diversity. And be honest with yourself. When was the last time you got whacked with the stick? I'll bet it felt really unfair and disrespectful.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Been bullied for real. But I am NO victim, I am a VICTOR.

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