MA Nurse

. I think most nurses with any common sense would discuss things like this at an appropriate time. Especially when the other nurse is asking me how my sister is!!

Wow!! Where the h*** do you work??? In all my jobs as a nurse for the last almost 30 years we have all discussed issues about serious family illnesses or major life stressors. When it was an appropriate time. You sound like an angry nurse manager of some sort. You said I "claimed" to have had this discussion. What? Calling me a liar too? The nurse I was talking to also shared some stories about trajedy in her family.

Thank you. I find no excuse for the comments these people made to me. I did speak to my friend abut it. Just no excuse. If tou dont have anything nice to say...dont say anything!

Exactly. My sister keeps pointing out how her friends and even our cousin can be on facebook constantly, but can't send her one text asking how she is. She doesn't expect people to even call or come over...but one little text would be nice. Even my cousin said some things that were hurtful. We had a talk with her about her dad distanced himself from my family when my dad had kidney disease and heart problems. My uncle later apologized to my mom for not being there for her. My cousin felt really bad about how her dad behaved. Now she is doing the same thing to my sister!! People are really just self-absorbed is the way I see it. So sad.

That's just absolutely horrible. People are so self-centered.

Thanks for the laugh. Wish I was that witty when the comments are first said. I discussed the comments with my friend, she knows I am upset.

Thank you for sharing your story. How painful! I agree with you....to let it go for my own sanity.

Thank you everyone for the kind responses. What hurts a lot is my friend totally forgot my mom has stomach cancer now. I now know my so-called close friend isn't very close. she is dealing with her own family drama so I have to remember not to expect much from her. Her comments were over the phone. I am just not going to talk to her about my family any more. It's been really hard. Emotional roller coaster for sure. It's nice to know I can come here and get support. Thanks!

That's all I need from people. "I'm sorry, or that must be hard." I'm here if you need me.

Thanks. I can see now what you mean by my friend maybe thinking to herself " that won't happen to me" because she eats very little sugar. I just wish people would say nothing if they can't say anything supportive. My friend tends to be holistic. she is also anti-vaccine so it's difficult to talk to her about medical things. I won't be talking to her about cancer again, that's for sure. Just makes me sad. You are all right about how you expect certain people to be there fo ryou, but they can't be.

Long story short, my sister and my mom both have cancer right now. My mom had breast cancer, which is now in her stomach. My sister has breast cancer and she just had a double mastectomy. I have been under a lot of stress, needless to say. So, when I told a very close friend of mine that my sister had breast cancer, her first response was "does she eat a lot of sugar?" I was shocked. I tend to not know how to respond when people say rude, insensitive things. I have learned there are many different causes of breast cancer. My sister happens to have a breast cancer gene, no not BRCA. Anyway, then recently when I told this same friend about my sister's mastectomy she asked "So does this mean she will be flat as a board??" I just said "yep!!" Then, the more I thought about what she said the more angry I became over the next few days. This friend is not in the medical field, but I think the majority of women know what a mastectomy is...don't they?? So, I chalked it up to ignorance. I discussed it with her later and she claimed she wasn't sure because I have been acting so "normal" about it all, like it isn't very serious or something. I told her I don't cry every single minute about it, but it is very serious. Then same friend asked me if my sister had missed some mammograms. Mind you, I had already told this friend about her diagnosis. The radiologist my sister had missed the cancer on a mammogram. Anyway, I just feel like this friend has pointed all fingers at my sister, like the cancer is her "fault". The "flat as a board" comment is hard to get out of my head. I have been avoiding this friend because of this. She told me she would never say anything to hurt my feelings. Well, then people really need to be careful before they open their mouths! Then a nurse at work was talking to me about breast cancer. Her sister died from it, so you would think she would be sensitive about commenting on my sister. She actually told me "Did you know the percentage of men leaving their wives after a mastectomy is really high?" Wow. Just wow. I really have learned to be very very careful who I talk to!! Has anyone experienced this?? One more thing....my so-called close friend was the first person I called when I found out my mom's breast cancer had spread to her stomach...which is incurable. I cried to my friend for almost 20-30 minutes. This was a few months ago. Them, just recently I mentioned to her something about my mom's stomach cancer and the friend said "your mom has stomach cancer??" OMG. My jaw literally dropped. My friend is becoming not so close anymore. This is proof she doesn't listen very well. I had told her my mom was vomiting for over a year...usually people close to you would remember something like that. Or do I just expect too much? Thanks for letting me vent. I have talked to other people with cancer who say they have lost friends because of rude comments. I think my friend isn't as much of a friend as I thought she was.

Almost 200 people read the post, and no replies? Why doesn't anyone talk here? Are we afraid of being discovered or something? It would be nice to provide some help.

I sent you a PM

As a nurse, after so many years of being a nurse (27 1/2) I really don't want to have the added stress of helping a new nurse. I've done it enough over the years and it's not required, so nurses who want to do it should, those of us who don't, shouldn't. It will also be better for the new nurse not to be trained by a nurse who doesn't want to train!

Three babies can be very challenging. Can you ask them for two baby assignments so you can get more organized before you care for 3? I agree with other responses. Put the parents to work. But then that can become hard because they sometimes need a lot of guidance. Hang in there. You will get better over time. If you have another nurse that can help when necessary, that's good too.