I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

The answer is yes he does need to focus fully on school right now and believe that when he does have a moment between tests I'm sure he will give you the time you want. Don't argue with him about his dedication to school it will be for both your futures and that of your children. This is temporary. My kids and husband basically lost me for 2 years other than summer. Meals weren't as good they all had to pitch in to do laundry and everything else cause I had to focus. It will be alright support him he's stressed and so are you. Just breath and do today

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I think you have a good attitude about the "flirting" because a lot of what goes on like that is simply what it sounds like...somewhat immature silliness from some of these other girls. But then, I'm not an overly jealous person, either....and I went to a program that was almost exclusively traditionally-aged students. I was the oldest of the returning students by 10 years and was an average of 20 years older than the rest, so...I wasn't looking to hook up during my program . :)

Would you feel comfortable sharing your cultural background here? I only ask because I think that it may help add some context to some of his comments and your responses. Certainly do not if you are not comfortable. It seems that you two have a very traditional type marriage, and that may be a little different from what some of the other posters have experienced (myself included), which may be contributing to a bit of misunderstanding on the thread. Keep a healthy perspective; it is a demanding and stressful experience, but if you two have built a solid foundation and both can maintain a sense of humor and support for one another, hopefully both of you will come through this stronger and more successful than ever.

Yes sure no problem, I am an American Hispanic and my Husband is Middle East Arab, now our kids I don't know what you would call half Hispanic and half Arab lol..hahahaha

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Yes sure no problem, I am Hispanic and my Husband is Arab, now our kids I don't know what you would call half Hispanic and half Arab lol..hahahaha

Spanarabish.

I am putting on the water for tea now. Or maybe wine?

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Spanarabish.

I am putting on the water for tea now. Or maybe wine?

hahahaha good one, tea would be fine. I don't drink alcohol ^_^

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He is in his first month. Give him a chance to get used to it. It's a difficult program and a lot of students fail out early on. Let him find his groove. It wont be like this the whole two years

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Specializes in critical care.

Offer to help him study. Tell him the kids will love it if he teaches them how to do assessments. As a married new grad with kids, I will say this honestly - until he wraps his mind around how to succeed at nursing school (which may take every semester he's there unfortunately), he is not likely to back away from school and the effort he needs to put in. It's hard on every marriage, honestly. If you can have patience, his success will be a great reward for both of you. Try as hard as you can to not get too frustrated. If he doesn't succeed, you don't want him to blame you. It's harsh, I know, and truly I am sorry for that. Nursing school (for me, anyway) is as hard as he says it is, and having family responsibilities in addition to it is quite honestly the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life up to that point. There were times when I resented them for my inability to dedicate the time k needed to, and then I felt tormented with guilt over the resentment. He hates this as much as you do, I promise. And in case he doesn't say it, he really misses you.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I never said i complain, but shouldn't there be some sort of arrangement so both of us can be happy, that's what they told us at the orientation. When my husband finishes school he wants to go straight to the library which i have no problem with. All I ask is for him to come home first and eat dinner with us then go to the library. Is that complaining? I think that is called compromise, or us wives have no say in the relationship just because he is in a program. All i ask is when he has a day off to go with me for an hour or so to drink a coffee to catch up on all the week we have not seen each other is that complaining? I honestly don't think i ask for much.

If he comes home first, it's unlikely he'll want to have to turn around and go back to the library.

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If he comes home first, it's unlikely he'll want to have to turn around and go back to the library.

Yeah he did tell me that. He said once i get home i get lazy which I understand. But I told him after dinner I will kick him back out, not kidding. I can be demanding when it's necessary. So he said he would try it next week to come home but that I would really have to kick him back out to go to the library, not to make it comfortable for him lol... So we will see how it goes.

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He is in his first month. Give him a chance to get used to it. It's a difficult program and a lot of students fail out early on. Let him find his groove. It wont be like this the whole two years

I agree, it has make me feel better reading some of these messages on how it wont be like this the entire 2 years :)

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Offer to help him study. Tell him the kids will love it if he teaches them how to do assessments.

I was actually testing him a couple of nights ago. I printed out some of those practice test and was asking him the questions. We had lots of fun and he got some good studying done. Kids are still a no no right now lol... I make them go to their room when he is studying in the living room. But at lease they get to see him ^_^

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
I didn't want to go to his school orientation, they told him he had to take his support team and his family so i just went without the kids because we didn't want any distraction from our children. His school is very nice and gives the family members a lot of communication. They told all the students not to neglect their support team or their families. They said it was important to be attentive to the family. That it would be hard but not impossible. I can't believe that i come here for some good help advice from maybe spouses that have gone through the same and i get said to that i sound selfish. Well to be honest you are sounding a little slefish right about now because it's all about you, you the nurse there is no compromise. And he school and my therapist had said there should be compromise. Maybe that's why there are a lot of divorces in this program because the students neglect their support team or family members. That's not what they said to all of us in the orientation.

When you post on a public forum, you are going to get a variety of replies, and not all of them are going to be what you want to hear.

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Offer to help him study. Tell him the kids will love it if he teaches them how to do assessments. As a married new grad with kids, I will say this honestly - until he wraps his mind around how to succeed at nursing school (which may take every semester he's there unfortunately), he is not likely to back away from school and the effort he needs to put in. It's hard on every marriage, honestly. If you can have patience, his success will be a great reward for both of you. Try as hard as you can to not get too frustrated. If he doesn't succeed, you don't want him to blame you. It's harsh, I know, and truly I am sorry for that. Nursing school (for me, anyway) is as hard as he says it is, and having family responsibilities in addition to it is quite honestly the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life up to that point. There were times when I resented them for my inability to dedicate the time k needed to, and then I felt tormented with guilt over the resentment. He hates this as much as you do, I promise. And in case he doesn't say it, he really misses you.

Thank you, best of luck to you.

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