I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

i understand your concerns about females flirting with him, but no decent woman would do that to a married man or a man in a relationship and he's been honest with you. Just be careful. my aunt's husband is an internal medicine doctor who cheated on her with a nurse 30 yrs his junior. my bf is a MD, but so far very devoted. in fact, he's the one who always fears losing me. so regarding fidelity, communication and awareness is important IMO

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Forgive me, but I can't make heads or tails of the story you're telling. Your husband thinks that you'll get jealous but he chooses to tell you a lot of females ask for his phone number? Not class mates, but specifically females... And he also adds the in my opinion, rather strange comment that you couldn't handle knowing about all the "things" that go on in school. What kind of a response is one expecting/hoping for(?) when making a mysterious comment like that? And he's nervous around females?

A grown, married man. Females aren't an alien species and he must have come across them multiple times before. From how you described your exchange, I get a feeling of "mind games" or at the very least some less than optimal/straight-forward communication.

And you say that you're not jealous, yet you keep bringing this topic up. To me, there's some sort of dissonance here.

Have you asked him what all the "things" that go on actually are? I'd start there.

As far as school goes and the time your husband spends on his studies. Studying can be tough, especially for the first weeks/months before you figure out how to study effectively and learn what's expected of you (assuming this is your husband's first college/uni education). He'll likely need to, at least initially, devote a significant amount of time and energy.

Another thing that caught my attention. You're the one who's going to work in your future career, whatever it'll be. Not your husband. Choose an education that you think that you'll be content/happy with.

You've gotten a lot of good good advice in this thread and I can't think of something useful to add to that. Best wishes to you and I hope you guys find a way to solve the situation which makes both of you happy/give you what you need.

You are right in some things. I tell him the same thing you said, why would he tell me the things that way. It's like he wants me to be jealous or give me a reason to be. He could of told me a little different but men will be men. We are very open and honest with each other and eventually he tells me what is going on. He can't hold it to himself lol... Like he told me about the pictures and the teasing. So I told him that it is better to be straight forward with me and not to be so suspicious about things because that will only make that gap between us he fears. I only brought it up because someone ask me about something else and that came along with the conversation. :) but thank you.

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i understand your concerns about females flirting with him, but no decent woman would do that to a married man or a man in a relationship and he's been honest with you. Just be careful. my aunt's husband is an internal medicine doctor who cheated on her with a nurse 30 yrs his junior. my bf is a MD, but so far very devoted. in fact, he's the one who always fears losing me. so regarding fidelity, communication and awareness is important IMO

That's what I keep telling him, if a woman flirts with you, it is up to you if you act on it. So no decent woman would flirt with a married man.

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Maybe he is in the wrong program, cause where I went to school there was no thought to it, nor time, for "hooking up" . We were way too busy keeping afloat and passing the classes. We had study groups, mixed, male and female, but NO ONE asked for anyone else's phone number except for arranging study group times and places. My husband had no reason, or call for, jealousy. I was going to school to be a nurse, period. Making friends was a nice side benefit, but even for that, there wasn't much time. School kept us way too busy.

I am kind of flabbergasted at what you are saying when he tells you, " you would be jealous". WHY would he say that? Is it the truth, or is he just pulling your chain?????

Anyhow I second those recommending counseling. Nursing school is tough for the student and family. But the actual CAREER, nursing, is tougher still. Try to get it all together and worked out now. Good luck.

It makes me nervous but I trust my husband and it's up to him to act on any flirting. And thank you :)

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
I don't know, he wont tell me. He did mention that one time a girl was taking pictures of the class and took one of him by himself. The girl ended up texting him the picture and he didn't show it to me lol... He showed it to me like a couple of days after, saying he didn't want me to get upset but a girl had taken a picture of him and he showed me the picture. He also mention how women would tease some of the men in class. Also one night around 11pm a woman from class text him asking him if he knew anything she can use that she didn't know. My husband was like, "how would i know what she doesn't know?" So I told my husband that unless it was very important or urgent that text from anyone should have a respectful time limit at night. He agreed and we both agreed that any text after 9pm would be ignored unless it was something really urgent.

Your situation got really complicated after added information... first of all, no need to hide (such as pictures) if there is nothing to hide.

2.) The teasing needs clarification. What kind of teasing? and how would this make you jealous?

3.) My husband does not mention anything to me about women who teases him, takes pictures of him, or texts him and such... that's why i think i am able to keep my own sanity (because i could get very jealous too). And I trust him so I don't really need to know. I know we shouldn't be hiding any secrets but why does he tell you all these stuff? This is why you are having doubts.

Hmmm, I feel like we should meet and figure this out while getting mani/pedi or drinking tea. HAHA!

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
I just think a lot of flirting goes on and teasing because there is like 25 females and only like 7 men in his class.

BUT he is married............................................... do these women know? If so, There shouldn't be any issues. We had 4 males in our program with 60 females but we don't tease those that are married, we don't tease at all. Btw, we didn't have time to tease. LOL.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Yea my program, was like 95 percent female. And NOT ONE of us self-respecting female students had any desire to hook up with one of the few guys in the program. It just didn't happen!

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

It occurs to me, he is liking this. He likes the girls "flirting" with him and he seems to be enjoying your discomfort at this. I find that pretty troubling.

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Your situation got really complicated after added information... first of all, no need to hide (such as pictures) if there is nothing to hide.

2.) The teasing needs clarification. What kind of teasing? and how would this make you jealous?

3.) My husband does not mention anything to me about women who teases him, takes pictures of him, or texts him and such... that's why i think i am able to keep my own sanity (because i could get very jealous too). And I trust him so I don't really need to know. I know we shouldn't be hiding any secrets but why does he tell you all these stuff? This is why you are having doubts.

Hmmm, I feel like we should meet and figure this out while getting mani/pedi or drinking tea. HAHA!

I would love to sit with another grown up and have tea beside my kids lol... That is exactly what I tell him. Don't do things that make you look bad. I truly trust him and I know the only reason he hesitates to tell me these things is because he doesn't want me to get jealous. When we type things online they may sound very blunt. But when he told me that I don't want to know what goes on, he said it in a very nice way. Let me tell you an incident of flirting. He said one day a couple of girls were standing outside the class room door because they couldn't open it for some reason. One guy came and tried to open it, but he couldn't. My husband said that guy looks king of.... how can i say it in a nice way? well not that attractive lol.. and then another guy that is attractive came by next to the door. Well the girls told the guy that couldn't open the door that they needed a real man to open the door, like the other guy that just had came. They started giggling and the other guy did open the door. My husband was just a few feet away and herd everything. He actually felt bad for the guy who couldn't open the door. But the girls were all gaga for the other attractive guy lol... I think it is ridiculous lol...

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BUT he is married............................................... do these women know? If so, There shouldn't be any issues. We had 4 males in our program with 60 females but we don't tease those that are married, we don't tease at all. Btw, we didn't have time to tease. LOL.

Yes these woman know he is married. I don't know if they have teased him but he has told me about other incidents.

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I really don't have no worries about him flirting or him cheating on me what so ever. If he does then it was not meant to be right? I cannot do anything to prevent destiny. What i can do is try to keep the family we have now together. That's why I want him to spend a couple of hours a week with the family to try to prevent distance between us. If we get divorce god forbid, I don't want it to be because we stop communicating and we distance ourselves. I really want to try to keep us together. So at the end we can all enjoy the fruits of his success :)

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Specializes in CVICU CCRN.
I would love to sit with another grown up and have tea beside my kids lol... That is exactly what I tell him. Don't do things that make you look bad. I truly trust him and I know the only reason he hesitates to tell me these things is because he doesn't want me to get jealous. When we type things online they may sound very blunt. But when he told me that I don't want to know what goes on, he said it in a very nice way. Let me tell you an incident of flirting. He said one day a couple of girls were standing outside the class room door because they couldn't open it for some reason. One guy came and tried to open it, but he couldn't. My husband said that guy looks king of.... how can i say it in a nice way? well not that attractive lol.. and then another guy that is attractive came by next to the door. Well the girls told the guy that couldn't open the door that they needed a real man to open the door, like the other guy that just had came. They started giggling and the other guy did open the door. My husband was just a few feet away and herd everything. He actually felt bad for the guy who couldn't open the door. But the girls were all gaga for the other attractive guy lol... I think it is ridiculous lol...

I think you have a good attitude about the "flirting" because a lot of what goes on like that is simply what it sounds like...somewhat immature silliness from some of these other girls. But then, I'm not an overly jealous person, either....and I went to a program that was almost exclusively traditionally-aged students. I was the oldest of the returning students by 10 years and was an average of 20 years older than the rest, so...I wasn't looking to hook up during my program . :)

Would you feel comfortable sharing your cultural background here? I only ask because I think that it may help add some context to some of his comments and your responses. Certainly do not if you are not comfortable. It seems that you two have a very traditional type marriage, and that may be a little different from what some of the other posters have experienced (myself included), which may be contributing to a bit of misunderstanding on the thread. Keep a healthy perspective; it is a demanding and stressful experience, but if you two have built a solid foundation and both can maintain a sense of humor and support for one another, hopefully both of you will come through this stronger and more successful than ever.

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