I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

lol...:laugh: yes. I just don't know why he has did attitude where he wants to separate us from his school. He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous. I was like really? your making me more scare now lol... He said a lot of females ask for his number and email which he did gave to them and he told me to expect woman texting him lol... I was like, "hey, as long as it is school related I am fine with it."

for once I have no words

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Oh my goodness, it's only been a MONTH. The poor guy is probably still getting settled in and learning to how to study effectively. It's a massive learning curve starting nursing school! If your marriage really has been perfect for 7 years then I'm sure he'll work out a better balance between school and family once he's settled in and stopped bring so stressed. It's hard! If this had been going on for months and months it would be a different story. Give the guy a break!

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for once I have no words

I know for a fact that he is nervous being around so many female students lol... and like we have never incounter a situation like this, he thinks it will make a gap between us. I reassured and told him to gives me the opportunity to prove to him that I am ok with him being around and talking to other woman lol.. I really am. I am not a jealous type. At least if there is no reason. But he thinks I will be jealous. I tell him, " how do you know I will be jealous if you don't give me the opportunity to prove to you I am not."

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Oh my goodness, it's only been a MONTH. The poor guy is probably still getting settled in and learning to how to study effectively. It's a massive learning curve starting nursing school! If your marriage really has been perfect for 7 years then I'm sure he'll work out a better balance between school and family once he's settled in and stopped bring so stressed. It's hard! If this had been going on for months and months it would be a different story. Give the guy a break!

Yes I understand that now, I will let things settle. He did call me today and said we will work on a schedule for next month, In gods will :)

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Specializes in Critical Care.

I agree he is probably under a lot of stress and needs to prove himself and succeed at this so he can get a good paying, family supporting job to provide for you all. Maybe he will realize he doesn't need to spend so much time studying after he has his exams. Regardless as others have stated this is a temporary situation and then hopefully things will improve and he will have more time for his family. I would plan a date night/celebration when he is done with first semester and on his break from school. Nagging will only add to his stress and create more distance between you two.

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
lol...:laugh: yes. I just don't know why he has did attitude where he wants to separate us from his school. He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous. I was like really? your making me more scare now lol... He said a lot of females ask for his number and email which he did gave to them and he told me to expect woman texting him lol... I was like, "hey, as long as it is school related I am fine with it."

Wait a minute, this is a little weird. He could've said it in a better way, oh well. I'm glad he called you regarding wanting to spend time with you.

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Specializes in Mental Health Nursing.
He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous.

Everything like what?

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Specializes in Primary Care, Progressive Care.
Everything like what?

Yup, i also think this needs clarification----> "He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous."

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lol...:laugh: yes. I just don't know why he has did attitude where he wants to separate us from his school. He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous. I was like really? your making me more scare now lol... He said a lot of females ask for his number and email which he did gave to them and he told me to expect woman texting him lol... I was like, "hey, as long as it is school related I am fine with it."

I know for a fact that he is nervous being around so many female students lol... and like we have never incounter a situation like this, he thinks it will make a gap between us. I reassured and told him to gives me the opportunity to prove to him that I am ok with him being around and talking to other woman lol.. I really am. I am not a jealous type. At least if there is no reason. But he thinks I will be jealous. I tell him, " how do you know I will be jealous if you don't give me the opportunity to prove to you I am not."

Forgive me, but I can't make heads or tails of the story you're telling. Your husband thinks that you'll get jealous but he chooses to tell you a lot of females ask for his phone number? Not class mates, but specifically females... And he also adds the in my opinion, rather strange comment that you couldn't handle knowing about all the "things" that go on in school. What kind of a response is one expecting/hoping for(?) when making a mysterious comment like that? And he's nervous around females?

A grown, married man. Females aren't an alien species and he must have come across them multiple times before. From how you described your exchange, I get a feeling of "mind games" or at the very least some less than optimal/straight-forward communication.

And you say that you're not jealous, yet you keep bringing this topic up. To me, there's some sort of dissonance here.

Have you asked him what all the "things" that go on actually are? I'd start there.

As far as school goes and the time your husband spends on his studies. Studying can be tough, especially for the first weeks/months before you figure out how to study effectively and learn what's expected of you (assuming this is your husband's first college/uni education). He'll likely need to, at least initially, devote a significant amount of time and energy.

Another thing that caught my attention. You're the one who's going to work in your future career, whatever it'll be. Not your husband. Choose an education that you think that you'll be content/happy with.

You've gotten a lot of good good advice in this thread and I can't think of something useful to add to that. Best wishes to you and I hope you guys find a way to solve the situation which makes both of you happy/give you what you need.

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Yup, i also think this needs clarification----> "He said to me that if I would know everything that goes on in the school that I couldn't handle it and that I would get jealous."

I don't know, he wont tell me. He did mention that one time a girl was taking pictures of the class and took one of him by himself. The girl ended up texting him the picture and he didn't show it to me lol... He showed it to me like a couple of days after, saying he didn't want me to get upset but a girl had taken a picture of him and he showed me the picture. He also mention how women would tease some of the men in class. Also one night around 11pm a woman from class text him asking him if he knew anything she can use that she didn't know. My husband was like, "how would i know what she doesn't know?" So I told my husband that unless it was very important or urgent that text from anyone should have a respectful time limit at night. He agreed and we both agreed that any text after 9pm would be ignored unless it was something really urgent.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Maybe he is in the wrong program, cause where I went to school there was no thought to it, nor time, for "hooking up" . We were way too busy keeping afloat and passing the classes. We had study groups, mixed, male and female, but NO ONE asked for anyone else's phone number except for arranging study group times and places. My husband had no reason, or call for, jealousy. I was going to school to be a nurse, period. Making friends was a nice side benefit, but even for that, there wasn't much time. School kept us way too busy.

I am kind of flabbergasted at what you are saying when he tells you, " you would be jealous". WHY would he say that? Is it the truth, or is he just pulling your chain?????

Anyhow I second those recommending counseling. Nursing school is tough for the student and family. But the actual CAREER, nursing, is tougher still. Try to get it all together and worked out now. Good luck.

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Everything like what?

I just think a lot of flirting goes on and teasing because there is like 25 females and only like 7 men in his class.

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