I am the wife of a male student nurse and having trouble coping.

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Hello, I am the wife of a male student Nurse. He is about to finish his first month of school and we have had about 2 to 3 arguments since he started. We have been married 7 yrs and we had never argued like we argue now. I know that it is a demanding program, but my question is, does he have to spend every moment studying and not make time for me and our 2 children? I tell him to give us at least a couple of hours a week of his time but he refuses and rather be at the library or at school. I don't think I ask for much. I have been supportive and understanding but i do get frustrated and upset because I feel he has neglected us. And I don't know if i can go 2 yrs without a date night or a family night. Has anyone else gone through this? And what did they do to get through it? Thank you.

When you post on a public forum, you are going to get a variety of replies, and not all of them are going to be what you want to hear.

Yes your are right. I shouldn't let little comments like that get to me. Thank you

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I want to thank all of you for such great advice and for sharing such wonderful stories. I will keep checking in once in a while and posting how things are going. Thank you all once again. ^_^

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

I haven't read all the threads, but how are you going to feel when he leaves you home on the holidays because he has to work?

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I haven't read all the threads, but how are you going to feel when he leaves you home on the holidays because he has to work?

I would feel fine, Thank you. He quite his 12 hour shift job, 6 days a week to go to school. Yet he always made time to spend with us. So we will do just fine in gods will. You see in a job eventually the job has to end for the day. School is like a 24/7 thing there is no brake at lease he doesn't make brakes not now. So once he gets the hang of school and gets settled I think he will fine time for us. Once he gets his job in gods will, he will probably have also 12 hour shifts, but that's the thing once the shift is over, it's over. But school, once school is over here still comes home and studies. He use to work 6am to 6pm but once he got home he had dinner waiting for him at home. He would unwind and maybe some nights not all he would want to go bike ridding with all of us or go to the park. So we are used to him working 12 hours even sometimes 16 hour shifts so that is not a problem :) but thank you.

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Specializes in future speciality interest: Nurse Midwif.

I read most of these comments. Unless you had martial issues before he began nursing school, I don't see the need for counseling--at least not yet.

What you may already understand is that nursing school is extremely challenging. And almost all nursing students have some fear

and anxiety of failing and not making it to the next semester.

You said he's only one month in; is that one month in taking prereqs or are these his core nursing theory and clinical courses?

Either way the challenge is on; the information he is asked to know is overwhelming.

However, I would suggest you give him some time to adjust to the studying. Let him get a pattern and some knowledge down so

he can be confident in himself on how to study and how to get back to the plans of family time.

During nursing school, I was beyond stressed, lost so much weight my uniforms became to big for me (size medium), had acne all over my face from stressing over exams and had the responsibility of raising my 3 yr old son as a single parent without family or friends help.

I felt extremely guilty of having to sit him in front of the TV all the time while I studied. And to make more time for studying, I use to drink energy drinks to stay awake throughout the whole night, especially nights before exams so I can study without interruption from my 3 yr old. It was hell, and I cried sometimes but that is the nature of the nursing curriculum. It's demanding, hence his reason for jetting to the library. I'm not saying he's right for doing so but, I can understand his reason.

Just give the man time to adjust but don't crumble if he doesn't. I don't think what you're asking is much but like I read in one of these comments, nursing school is not forever. On your part you may have to sacrifice more than you're willing to right now.

Hoping he adjust well and you remain the stable in your marriage.

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I read most of these comments. Unless you had martial issues before he began nursing school, I don't see the need for counseling--at least not yet.

What you may already understand is that nursing school is extremely challenging. And almost all nursing students have some fear

and anxiety of failing and not making it to the next semester.

You said he's only one month in; is that one month in taking prereqs or are these his core nursing theory and clinical courses?

Either way the challenge is on; the information he is asked to know is overwhelming.

However, I would suggest you give him some time to adjust to the studying. Let him get a pattern and some knowledge down so

he can be confident in himself on how to study and how to get back to the plans of family time.

During nursing school, I was beyond stressed, lost so much weight my uniforms became to big for me (size medium), had acne all over my face from stressing over exams and had the responsibility of raising my 3 yr old son as a single parent without family or friends help.

I felt extremely guilty of having to sit him in front of the TV all the time while I studied. And to make more time for studying, I use to drink energy drinks to stay awake throughout the whole night, especially nights before exams so I can study without interruption from my 3 yr old. It was hell, and I cried sometimes but that is the nature of the nursing curriculum. It's demanding, hence his reason for jetting to the library. I'm not saying he's right for doing so but, I can understand his reason.

Just give the man time to adjust but don't crumble if he doesn't. I don't think what you're asking is much but like I read in one of these comments, nursing school is not forever. On your part you may have to sacrifice more than you're willing to right now.

Hoping he adjust well and you remain the stable in your marriage.

Thank you, he is starting the nursing program. He finish his pre reqs. The reason I started therapy was because after the first 3 weeks we saw that it was a major change from our comfort zone. Especially on my end. He no longer spent any time with us, no time at all for 3 weeks. I got scared So instead of taking my insecurities out on him, I decided to go to therapy to adjust to the change. Nobody likes change especially when it has been the same for 7 years. That is why I also posted here to get some feedback on how other wives have cope and to see if it really is necessary to study 24/7. But like you said and many others, I am going to be patience and let him get settled in so he can get his schedule going. Thank you.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Medical/Surgical.

I hope you are reading these responses. They are really good advices. Like the vast majority of the commentors, I suggest that you be extra supportive of this period in his life. He will really appreciate it afterwards. Maybe you can become his study buddy. Ask him NCLEX/exam review questions and give their multiple choices, then let him tell you which answer he would choose and explain his reasoning to you. This way, you can have good quality family time together while studying. Just want you to take one advice: be more supportive in these two important years and wait till he figures out his best studying strategy and routine.

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I hope you are reading these responses. They are really good advices. Like the vast majority of the commentors, I suggest that you be extra supportive of this period in his life. It is what you should do as a wife. Maybe you can become his study buddy. Ask him NCLEX/exam review questions and give their multiple choices, then let him tell you which choice he would choose and explain his reasoning to you. This way, you can have good quality family time together while studying. Honestly, I think there really is something extra that you are not telling. I am not blaming you for it because everybody needs some personal privacy and can choose what she discloses to others. We are just sincerely trying to help you out here, albeit advice might not be helpful when it is not given on the basis of fully understanding all the details of the situation. Just want you to take one advice, be more supportive, wait till he finishes his program.

What is there not to tell, all i want is for him to make time for his family, that is all, a couple of hours a week, that is all i am asking. I know it's possible because some wonderful people here had said that they work and go to school. So if he doesn't work I am sure he can free 2 or 3 hours a week to spend with his family. And of course I am being the supportive wife. As much as I can be. We don't argue over silly things. We have an open communicative relationship. I just think I got scared seeing how much time he spent away from us the first 3 weeks. That is all. So I am going to therapy to help me cope with the change. But we talked today and he said that we were going to sit down and come up with a schedule that pleases both of us in gods will. But yes I have learned from all these wonderful people that time and patience is the key. THank you.

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oh and yes i have helped him with some practice tests, that was actually fun. :)

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Specializes in LTC, Med-surg.

Recommend him this book:

Saunders Comprehensive Review for the NCLEX-RN® Examination, 6e (Saunders Comprehensive Review for Nclex-Rn): 9781455727551: Medicine & Health Science Books @ Amazon.com

It's a great NCLEX-RN review book. It will help him target his studying efficiently if he is having problems with studying the content. Nursing is stressful and resources like these help with the learning process.

Good on ya for being a supportive wife. Hang on and keep that supportive attitude and your family will be richly rewarded

in the end. :D

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Specializes in Mental Health Nursing.
I would feel fine, Thank you. He quite his 12 hour shift job, 6 days a week to go to school. Yet he always made time to spend with us. So we will do just fine in gods will. You see in a job eventually the job has to end for the day. School is like a 24/7 thing there is no brake at lease he doesn't make brakes not now. So once he gets the hang of school and gets settled I think he will fine time for us. Once he gets his job in gods will, he will probably have also 12 hour shifts, but that's the thing once the shift is over, it's over. But school, once school is over here still comes home and studies. He use to work 6am to 6pm but once he got home he had dinner waiting for him at home. He would unwind and maybe some nights not all he would want to go bike ridding with all of us or go to the park. So we are used to him working 12 hours even sometimes 16 hour shifts so that is not a problem :) but thank you.

Nursing is one of those fields where you have to learn how to not take the work home with you. Just read other threads on this forum. Burn out, compassion fatigue, low job satisfaction, never leaving work on time, getting stuck because of weather or a no call, no show - those are common problems in nursing. I just want you to be informed so you don't have expectations that will lead to disappointment.

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Specializes in hospice.
He said he doesn't want me to have any contact with his school, classmates or members of any kind. Which there alone brought up my jelousy streak. I am not a jelous person but when your husband tells you that, it brings up things. I know in my heart that he will never do any of that to me but he is saying things that look bad lol... He's not giving me any leverage here. I can't see him, i am not allowed to communicate with his classmates, i can't compromise, i am just suppose to sit on the sideline and watch.

What the what? Oh heck no. This is biggest, reddest flag I ever saw. Regardless of what else is happening, this is a huge issue. My husband has never talked with any of my classmates, only because he doesn't want to. But if he wanted to, he could. What reason on earth would I have for preventing him?

And the school? You're not allowed to contact the school in any way for any reason?

What is your husband hiding?

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