I Was Fired...for Being Abrasive and Having Attitude

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On 10/8/2019 at 1:59 PM, llg said:

I have found that a lot of preceptors/teachers are willing to help me learn in that way.

I would certainly hope so. It's too bad that even that much explanation is required. FTR, I do not expect that level of preemptive care (walking on eggshells) - - just clarifying that in case it wasn't clear in light of my initial reply.

I don't take offense to most commentary that follows an instruction (of mine) - - I think most people are meaning to just explain their thinking and learn something in the process. The spirit of rebuttal is a different matter, though, and is usually recognizable when it is present.

Most of my interactions are very low-key and really don't get into any of what this thread has been about so far.

Example:

Newer nurse is preparing to perform a long-ish procedure so that a patient can be discharged after it is complete (total time for procedure and discharged = 30 min for a new RN); meanwhile, a new patient has just arrived in one of our rooms.

Me: Let's take a quick peek at so-and-so, then we'll come back and do this.

Orientee: I just thought that we should do this first so s/he could be discharged.

Me: Yes, that is a good thought and you are right to try to keep things moving. But we will usually need to prioritize someone we haven't laid eyes on yet - - we have to know if they're sick/not sick before we get stuck in someone else's room.

<The end. No hurt feelings>. There was no spirit of rebuttal involved.

So I tend to think...when people are getting upset over rebuttals, explanations/justifications/etc. from an orientee, it isn't the remark that is the problem. There is an attitude that can make it unacceptable. If someone is getting fired over it, it's because of attitude almost without question.

14 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

So I tend to think...when people are getting upset over rebuttals, explanations/justifications/etc. from an orientee, it isn't the remark that is the problem. There is an attitude that can make it unacceptable. If someone is getting fired over it, it's because of attitude almost without question.

That or you explain why their rebuttal isn't correct at the time and then they rebut your rebuttal. ? That's what sets me off. I've shared this before:

Newbie: "What tubes go to blood bank?"

Me: "Two purple tops"

Newbie:"Well, I think it's two blue tops"

Me: "It's two purples"

Newbie: "I think you're wrong so I'm sending two blue tops"

Me:"Yeah, go ahead and do that and see what happens. Also get the h-e-double hockey sticks out of my face and out of my lab"

I am an NP, worked as an RN for 13 years. Over time, I have found the best way usually is to be rather fluid about everything. No matter the situation, it could be there is some truth in what the other person says. There usually is. There are not too many situations where you have to force your way.

Obviously, there will be a few.

As an NP, I usually try to get consensus from the staff before doing much of anything.

And I try never to be snide about someone else's experiences or opinions. Maybe I don't always succeed.

On 10/7/2019 at 1:04 AM, Louise Henaut said:

Thank you so much nurse Beth! This truly means a lot and I will take this as a lesson and experience. As difficult as it is, I’m happy to at least keep working as a nurse regardless of where it is.

This does not sound like a good environment. Management usually has coaching advice on tone and expectations. I am disappointed this was your experience. Try not to be as blunt. Always be courteous and maintain professional decorum. I hope you are not using your real name.

Never mention this job on your resume. Next time you apply for a job, ask how long their staff members have been employed for the institution, especially nursing. It states a lot. Become friendly with the older staff members; they will talk, and you will learn how to navigate the right jobs and the bad.

This honestly is your blessing to be the best you and learn from this experience; do not let people break you. Be yourself only with your friends and family who love and understand you.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

I struggle with the back-and-forth level of clarification when we are slammed and trying to get the day to settle down. There is a time for questions and there is a time to just get things done. I adore precepting, so getting frustrated isn't my M.O., but it can be a challenge when there is a new grad on the floor precepting toward independent practice and they seem to think they are still in clinicals/school. There's a difference to the two. Let's get the job done and then we can reviews the in's, out's, why's and what happened's after we have satisfied the more immediate requirements of caring for the patients. This is the situational awareness that I mentioned in one of my previous replies.

Specializes in Ortho, CMSRN.

I love how compassionate the advice here is! I appreciate that no one is jumping down OP's throat, but rather are giving helpful advice.

I'm probably the polar opposite from OP. I don't say what I should say because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Of course, if a patient is at risk, I speak up. But when it comes to group EBP projects, unit based council, I'm not as assertive as I should be and it limits my productive and creative potential.

I could say "that's just me", or I could realize it for what it is: a character flaw. If I don't identify character flaws, I can't work on them.

No filter is definitely a character flaw. Learn to develop a filter. You can give an honest answer in a kind way. When you are corrected as a preceptee, you can talk about it with your preceptor AFTER you leave the patients room rather than argueing at the bedside.

As a charge nurse, I have had to change staffing because a nurse or a PCT with no filter was fired from a patients room. That wastes time and resources. The same people tend to get fired frequently. I really can't say that I blame the manager. That's a headache that they really don't need.

You can work with that though! As someone suggested, maybe get a psychologist that you can talk through this with and work on developing a filter. You can be honest with a filter! You just must consider how the other people around you will feel about your words and temper them appropriately. It's nice to be considerate of others ?

Specializes in Tele, Interventional Pain Management, OR.
KarenMS said:

I don't know why people think "not having a filter" is a good quality

THIS! I came here to say this.

Lack of filter and/or having a "big personality" does not help someone become a competent nurse. Especially as a new grad without a solid nursing knowledge base. OP and those with similar thinking--keep the big personality and lack of filter to yourself so you can have therapeutic nurse-patient relationships.

Specializes in Outpatient, ED, LTC.

I tend to be that person with a big personality but I’ve learned to do a few things along the way: 1) I learn about myself all the time. I journal and read as much as I can to understand my “character flaws.” The more I learn the better equipped I am to be working with the difficult and sick people we deal with daily. 2) Stay humble. This is hard bc we all want to have instant friends and know our jobs instantly but it’s not realistic and will seem intrusive to others. I precepted some at my last job and found that I gave the same speech to all new people - treat everyone better than yourself and that includes the housekeeping staff all the way to the docs. Kindness goes a long way in nursing and I had a difficult time speaking up with certain people for all sorts of reasons. When you want to respond with no filter, choose kindness over being right. 3) Finally, do not let one group that you did not blend well with be the only work experience that changes your opinion on nursing. Keep looking until you find the supportive and learning environment that matches your needs and style. Be clear about what you need from that job as well as personally. It may take a few jobs. Ughh!! This is so true since nursing is very political and cliques are rampant! My suggestion is to give it one year at a new job and see how much you learn. You’ll start to see your own growth. Best wishes!

Specializes in Acute Mental Health.

I have precepted many nurses and can say that when others are trying to show you the roles and you respond by explaining why you are doing that task the way you are, people get frustrated. It comes across as arrogant and closed to learning. We stop wanting to teach you because we cant teach someone who know everything. I wonder if you came across this way to them.

Learn and grow. This was not a good fit for you but the next will because you're willing to look at this and ask us. Hang in there!

Not sure if this applies, but other people can generally sense your mood. I have found even a short workout before work gives me a boost, helping me feel calm and optimistic.

Specializes in Med Surg, Tele, PH, CM.

All this reminds me of a young woman I precepted when I was still working bedside, many years ago. She had just moved to the area with her military spouse. She was from New York, and had what I called a "New York Personality" - big and in your face kinda person. I am not saying this to offend all you New Yorkers - my son has lived in New York for 20+ years and it has definitely given him an "edge". But my student had no idea how strong she came on to some people, and several of my co-workers did not want to work with her. Smart, good skills, but very defensive, and also needed to explain her side of any small criticism. We had a long discussion about her attitude, because I was sure she was headed for unemployment if I couldn't convince her to soften her approach. We came up with a "code word" that I would fit into the conversation any time she came across a little too hard. Then we would talk about those points after shift. Lucky for me, and for her, she was trying hard to lose the attitude. She not only passed the probationary period, but remained on staff until her husband was transferred. We were both military wives, so we kept in touch. She has not lost her NY Personality, she just learned when to tone it down. Still love her, she is teaching in a BSN Program and loving it.

Specializes in Tele/Interventional/Non-Invasive Cardiology.

In nursing, having a “big personality” puts a big target on your back. I think people confuse a “big personality” for being rude. Different cultures express themselves differently. I have been in Nursing Jobs where there was lots of big personalities, so mine wasn’t a big deal. However, I just worked at a clinic in which most personalities were more passive. So my personality was a problem.

I can be big enough to say I didn’t read the environment well. I thought I could change it. However, when you are different in personality, gender, race and attitude, sometimes you have to find a way to navigate instead of fighting. The staff would gossip, complain and talk a lot of stuff when management wasn’t around. And they would talk awful about each other. However they would never say it to each other’s faces. Or they’d complain about the clinic or management but be quiet during meetings. I was the only one making noise, and that was my mistake.

Even as a “veteran” nurse, I learned lessons and had to be humbled. Sometimes you need to learn which battles to fight. If your big personality is in the minority, you have to find less confrontational ways to work with others or move on. I decided to move on.
But hopefully with a little more self awareness and wisdom.

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