I Was Fired...for Being Abrasive and Having Attitude

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Specializes in Retired.

I used to be one of those real blunt New Yorkers. A lot of it was work related - the constant stress and fatigue were major factors - but a lot of it was just NYC socialization. I moved to the Midwest and figured out that I could use anger management techniques to my advantage. Take a deep breath, bite my tongue and THINK (it's not illegal yet) before I opened my mouth. I have become a more patient person from this exercise. It's made my life much easier.

I am mostly echoing what others have said here but I definitely think needing to explain your reasoning can be pretty exhausting to the other nurses.

If I tell you a charting was done incorrectly, for example, odds are I already know what made you do it the way you did. Or that I don’t even need to know. Finding out where you erred isn’t going to make a difference. Now if we are talking about an error in critical thinking that might be different. You need to be selective on when you explain your thought process. Or, if the RN is the explaining to you why you did it wrong that should give you enough to figure it out on your own and not put the burden on them.

I love being able to orient new employees but if I constantly hear how they already know something or constant justifications I stop trying to teach.

Also, sometimes you just need to go along with things. When I was a new grad 4 years ago my second preceptor was very particular about charting. She wanted it done a specific way. It was not wrong per se but it wasn’t something I would normally do. So I just did it while with her knowing my practice would be different on my own. That is not brown nosing that is just deciding to not make something a struggle that didn’t need to be.

Finally, my mom is a nurse with a big abrasive personality. People LOVE her. A crazy amount. But some people really don’t. And some people who love her didn’t like her for months. She gets some amazing effusive compliments from patients. She also gets fired from patients on occasion.

I tamp down my personality. I get compliments but not like hers. I have also never been fired from a patient. And although my personality doesn’t endear me to people the same way I know most people think I am nice and helpful and my behavior won’t ever get in the way of performance reviews.

lm Gonna say it now becareful ED is like being in that one movie GET OUT ! People tend to be psychopaths and always have crazy agendas . There are some great ED nurses but the ratio from bad to good is high . And its all about politics . Its a ? show . I once didnt get a job becuase my nurse preceptor precepted my manager and made her feel inadequate she told me this in an interview and Im sure I didnt get the job for it lol . I have won not one but two lawsuits for unrightfull treatment in the ER and about to get one for blackballing in texas . I always get along but I see my peers bully alot of people . My line is unlawful care . I will blow up a bridge if I am putting someone at risk . I will call who ever I need . I saved 2 lives and got 2 lawsuits for the wrongfull termination of doing so . ED is not a stable place right now .

Take it as a lesson to beware of people in ED and beware of the law . Plus its your preceptors fault why are other people teaching you where is his butt at ?

When you state you have 'no filter' that indicates you say whatever is on your mind, this is not a chactertistic which serverves anyone well...unless, of course, the only thing on ones' mind is cute puppies and pretty rainbows.

Levity aside I was once fired from a clinic job when a particularly unpleasant and never happy (that I could ascertain) after I uttered a curse word; the clinic was not open yet, she and I were only staff there. She freaked running to nearest phone to advise manager of my curse word. Well, when manager arrived she told me "FIRED" and had me sit in a corner, I wasnted my clipboard and they told me it was to be collected by another...so freaked out were they I was tempted to say "I probably shouldn't have brought the gun collection in either (this was decades ago but still I could see levity would not be appreciated.) It was treated as if I had something under that tiny clipboard...

Ironically I almost never curse anywhere! Just no filter that day after RN unpleasant went with one to many blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...about something until I'd stated "how the %$# was I supposed to know this?" My colleague told manager she'd never heard that word causing me to wonder how she knew it.

Specializes in Surgical Specialty Clinic - Ambulatory Care.
On 10/9/2019 at 6:22 AM, Wuzzie said:

Point of clarification..."old school" does not necessarily mean "not evidence based". However, wrong is always wrong.

“Old school” does not mean it is not evidenced base. True, as stated in my original post “....nurse was practicing ‘old school’ BUT NOT ‘evidence based’ was to let her show me what she thought I should be doing and let her do it to the patient.”

I sure as ***, as a new grad, would NEVER tell a nurse who has been practicing 10,15,20+ years that I think s/he is doing something that is not evidence based. That IS NOT the place of a new grad....period, never, ever. To believe there is an absolute right and wrong in medicine is just juvenile at best. There is policy and actions not in the policy. The idea of right and wrong do not belong in a field where the best choice of action is a medical OPINION. Not to mention that MOST facilities do not implement the latest evidence based practices for YEARS after the studies have been completed. The only exceptions to that are university/research institutions.

So doing something “old school” BUT NOT “evidence based” is not necessarily wrong, but possibly not optimal. Thus the importance of getting another nurse that you trust more and preferably has some authority to go over with you what the nurse you don’t trust as much has shown you. And will allow you, the new grad, to confront the nurse when s/he sees you doing something a way they didn’t show you, as no experienced nurse is going to trust the course of action taken by a new grad when it conflicts with how they practice.

Specializes in Tele/Interventional/Non-Invasive Cardiology.
On 11/10/2019 at 11:55 AM, KalipsoRed21 said:

“Old school” does not mean it is not evidenced base. True, as stated in my original post “....nurse was practicing ‘old school’ BUT NOT ‘evidence based’ was to let her show me what she thought I should be doing and let her do it to the patient.”

I sure as ***, as a new grad, would NEVER tell a nurse who has been practicing 10,15,20+ years that I think s/he is doing something that is not evidence based. That IS NOT the place of a new grad....period, never, ever. To believe there is an absolute right and wrong in medicine is just juvenile at best. There is policy and actions not in the policy. The idea of right and wrong do not belong in a field where the best choice of action is a medical OPINION. Not to mention that MOST facilities do not implement the latest evidence based practices for YEARS after the studies have been completed. The only exceptions to that are university/research institutions.

So doing something “old school” BUT NOT “evidence based” is not necessarily wrong, but possibly not optimal. Thus the importance of getting another nurse that you trust more and preferably has some authority to go over with you what the nurse you don’t trust as much has shown you. And will allow you, the new grad, to confront the nurse when s/he sees you doing something a way they didn’t show you, as no experienced nurse is going to trust the course of action taken by a new grad when it conflicts with how they practice.

I will just assume you do not include instances that impact patient safety. Because if so, new grad or not, you better address ANY nurse. I would not risk having to explain to the BON or anyone else that I didn’t speak up or act just because I’m a new grad and I didn’t want to offend a veteran nurse.

You can also include actions by any nurse that will make my shift more difficult by creating more work. Any nurse regardless of new or veteran status would be addressed. I’m not a new grad, but it’s important to toe the line between being defiant and asserting yourself. Sadly there is a pecking order, and new grads are either seen as defiant or pushovers.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
18 hours ago, CardiacRNLA said:

I will just assume you do not include instances that impact patient safety. Because if so, new grad or not, you better address ANY nurse. I would not risk having to explain to the BON or anyone else that I didn’t speak up or act just because I’m a new grad and I didn’t want to offend a veteran nurse.

You can also include actions by any nurse that will make my shift more difficult by creating more work. Any nurse regardless of new or veteran status would be addressed. I’m not a new grad, but it’s important to toe the line between being defiant and asserting yourself. Sadly there is a pecking order, and new grads are either seen as defiant or pushovers.

The Board does not go after new grads for "not speaking up". This is a red herring.

If you are unsure about what the BON considers fault-worthy, go to your state's BON website and take a gander at the disciplinary actions. They are public.

Specializes in CTICU.

@Daisy Joyce

I also have this learning style! I am not an overly confident person, but my thought is that I feel like the more info I give, the better feedback I can receive. I have to work on how what I say comes across, no matter what my intentions are when I say it. My hopes are that I can be less frequently misunderstood in this effort.

Specializes in CTICU.

@Nurse Beth

I have to say I don't love the amount of "I've experienced this and that, I've been bullied, I went home crying every day after work. Things could be worse, hospitals are all corrupt." ...... Why is this OK???

What I do appreciate is the the validation of feelings and this nurse seems like she deserved a lot more than she got in the comments.

She doesn't seem heartless and took the criticism to heart. I feel for her a lot and am going through something similar right now. How can a team judge someone after only 3 weeks on orientation? Seems political. Like, if she didn't fit in immediately, she was out. Little explanation, little constructive feedback. The amount of assumptions she's had to make just to make sense of their points should be a cause for concern. No one offering stable leadership. Did she cause any patient harm? Doesn't sound like it. I currently work on a toxic floor and I don't think our management can handle problems well because of all the other political stuff that's going on. It's honestly probably for the best she got out of there.

I'm new, I have a personality, I'm not confident about anything, but what I am sure about I'm very sure about. Even that, I feel, makes people uneasy. It's a very freaking hard environment to work in. You have to advocate for yourself while also knowing when to just take it. I don't fully understand this yet. And then, sometimes, things are just political. Never hurts to get HR involved. I like what one poster said about "even arrogant people have a right to a dream."

Why is there a monopoly on personality. Why can't we all just get along? Forgive each other for our personality quirks. This is how passion is killed, when you tell people they need to change who they are to get what they want.

I bet her feeling unenthusiastic about the environment was a subconscious realization that it was not a good place to be, even though she really tried to make it work.

That all being said, she probably does have problems she need to work on. It's not productive to go around thinking you're right about everything. You're gonna learn the HARD way if you think like that. If you catch yourself thinking your coworkers are wrong and dumb all the time; really think about that. Some of them might not be that bright but they're still more experienced than you and are probably more right than you are in the situation. And hell, if they give you bad advice, there's your excuse to your manager. You were just working as a team player.

But again, when I seek perspective in my current position, I have to say I am never fully satisfied with "oh, this stuff has always happened, politics and bullying on floors, big personalities in ICU being mean to others."

Being rude, unkind, or unfair to others should not be accepted as OK.

Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.
1 hour ago, SweetBabyJames said:

@Nurse Beth

I have to say I don't love the amount of "I've experienced this and that, I've been bullied, I went home crying every day after work. Things could be worse, hospitals are all corrupt." ...... Why is this OK???

What I do appreciate is the the validation of feelings and this nurse seems like she deserved a lot more than she got in the comments.

She doesn't seem heartless and took the criticism to heart. I feel for her a lot and am going through something similar right now. How can a team judge someone after only 3 weeks on orientation? Seems political. Like, if she didn't fit in immediately, she was out. Little explanation, little constructive feedback. The amount of assumptions she's had to make just to make sense of their points should be a cause for concern. No one offering stable leadership. Did she cause any patient harm? Doesn't sound like it. I currently work on a toxic floor and I don't think our management can handle problems well because of all the other political stuff that's going on. It's honestly probably for the best she got out of there.

I'm new, I have a personality, I'm not confident about anything, but what I am sure about I'm very sure about. Even that, I feel, makes people uneasy. It's a very freaking hard environment to work in. You have to advocate for yourself while also knowing when to just take it. I don't fully understand this yet. And then, sometimes, things are just political. Never hurts to get HR involved. I like what one poster said about "even arrogant people have a right to a dream."

Why is there a monopoly on personality. Why can't we all just get along? Forgive each other for our personality quirks. This is how passion is killed, when you tell people they need to change who they are to get what they want.

I bet her feeling unenthusiastic about the environment was a subconscious realization that it was not a good place to be, even though she really tried to make it work.

That all being said, she probably does have problems she need to work on. It's not productive to go around thinking you're right about everything. You're gonna learn the HARD way if you think like that. If you catch yourself thinking your coworkers are wrong and dumb all the time; really think about that. Some of them might not be that bright but they're still more experienced than you and are probably more right than you are in the situation. And hell, if they give you bad advice, there's your excuse to your manager. You were just working as a team player.

But again, when I seek perspective in my current position, I have to say I am never fully satisfied with "oh, this stuff has always happened, politics and bullying on floors, big personalities in ICU being mean to others."

Being rude, unkind, or unfair to others should not be accepted as OK.

The "why can't we all just get along" thing? That has to start within yourself. Three weeks is plenty of time if a person is abrasive, unkind, without intuition, full of arrogance, insecurity, inability to take an ego hit by being corrected about things and with no sense of appropriate timing or appropriate things to talk about. You seem to have it a little backwards. If you are like the OP, then from what he/she has told us, YOU are the one with the "big personality". I didn't see anyone being mean.

Specializes in ICU RN.

Thank you so much nurse Beth! This truly means a lot and I will take this as a lesson and experience. As difficult as it is, I’m happy to at least keep working as a nurse regardless of where it is.

Specializes in Dialysis.
22 minutes ago, Nurse SMS said:

New grads sometimes lose perspective that it is not all about them. Yes, they deserve a good learning environment, but the flip side is that they need to be a good learner, including reading the room, reading situations and responding to others the way they themselves would like to be responded to and most of all, swallowing the humility of facing corrections, big and small, over and over and over again. That isn't brown-nosing. Its being a good learner and a good team player. You are new. You should not even have a comfort zone yet when it comes to nursing. If you feel you do, that is worrisome.

I hope you learn from this. I do wish you well.

This, 100%

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