I use up all of my compassion at work.

Nurses General Nursing

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I hope I'm not the only one who has this problem. I work in the ICU and I give everything I have to my patients when I am at work. I comfort them, hold their hand, wipe their tears, tell them not to be afraid. Then I have to do this for their wife, brother, sister, mom, dad, and children. Not only do I have to do this for that patient, I have to walk over to the next room and do it for my other patient. I do not get overly attached to my patients. I leave work at work.

But... When I get home I have nothing left. I don't want to hear about my husbands bad day or about how he stumped his toe. I don't care if he has a headache or if he is hungry and wants me to make him a sandwich. I love my husband, I really do. But honestly nothing compares to what I have to deal with at work. I just want everyone else to suck it up. Because I have to. :cool:

Specializes in chemical dependency detox/psych.

I got a bit like this late last year. What helped was to cut back my hours this spring. Also, I am currently on my first extended vacation (2 1/2 weeks) that I've taken in 2 years. Can we all say, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh........"

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I have felt like this before and decided that I needed a change. I transfered to a department of the hospital that was lower stress and a few less hours each week. It was a hard decision to make because I loved the area I was in before, but after I made the switch I knew that is was the right decision to make. My family life is so much happier now and that's what really matters.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

Great topic! I do home hospice, so I can chill a little between patients. Some days are great and some are very stressful! I always call my husband (retired) to let him know I'm on my way home. That's his que to get a big, hot mug of coffee ready for me. We sit on the back porch, drink our coffee, and watch the birds. Then it's time to head in and start dinner. I also have a wonderful DON who has good ears and big shoulders. I also use our MSW A LOT! Just talking through some things can help me calm down. I pray a lot, too. In the morning I ask to be the very best nurse I can be and in the evenings, on the way home, I ask Him to take work away from me. You just have to find what works for you.

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Specializes in Psychiatry.

I'm a hospice RN, I totally relate.

Just remember, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your pts.

Easier said than done, I know.

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Specializes in LTC,out patient clinics, hospital.

take this from experience,,,patients love u, other nurses admire your dedication, but at the end of the day, when its time to say we need to cut a salary or down size,,,no one really cares,,,BUT THATS WHAT GREAT NURSES DO,,,,get some therapy and work on it.

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Although I don't feel "burned out" yet (I've only been nursing 2 years, 3 months in ICU) I do recognize that I tend to be a grouch to my family. In my case, I believe this comes from me being a natural introvert. I do enjoy talking with and taking care of my patients, but after acting as an "extrovert" for 12 hours, I am exhausted. So, when I get home, I don't want to listen to my family's problems, needs, don't want to talk on the phone. I just want to veg and be left alone. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

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Specializes in NICU.
Although I don't feel "burned out" yet (I've only been nursing 2 years, 3 months in ICU) I do recognize that I tend to be a grouch to my family. In my case, I believe this comes from me being a natural introvert. I do enjoy talking with and taking care of my patients, but after acting as an "extrovert" for 12 hours, I am exhausted. So, when I get home, I don't want to listen to my family's problems, needs, don't want to talk on the phone. I just want to veg and be left alone. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

Tango,

I think you hit the nail on the head. I am also an introvert. On my days off I spend them alone. My husband is at work and oh how I love the peace and quiet. Sometimes I go to the park with my dog, go for long walks, or do various errands alone. I've never been the kind of person who has to be with someone else all the time. I think you are right. Having to be an extrovert for 12 hours is just too much. It is exhausting.

Tiger

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. He wasnt feeling well, I wasnt as considerate as he felt I should have been. We began talking and we realized that beginning after about the second year of nursing, I began to change. If my husband has a stomach ache, I have no compassion. If he isnt puking blook or doesnt have bloody stool, I just feel he should suck it up. I know thats BAD BAD BAD, but I cant help it. I saw so much when I worked at the hospital, I just know how bad it CAN be. I know what you mean. Im the same way as you. I wish I wasnt, but I honestly cant help it.

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I am sorry you feel so burnt out. However, if you remain indifferent to your family you might risk your personal life, which of course is your choice. Marriage is ideally predicated on mutual support and love, and hopefully your husband is supportive of you and your stresses. A stubbed toe is no way comparable to your ICU patients, however, discussing minor tribulations is part of sharing your lives together. I don't mean to rain on the support parade. I feel for you situation, I just want to point out that there are potential consequences to your burnout that you need to consider. I would talk to a professional about coping techniques and to get an independent assessment of your job/family status. I guess the question you might ask yourself is this making you happy, if not perhaps a change is in order.

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Specializes in Rehab, Step-down,Tele,Hospice.

I am also a Hospice Nurse and let me tell you by the end of 3-12 hour shifts I am crispy fried in the compassion department. I totally understand the poster who wants her hubby to "suck it up", I am trying very hard not to let my Idon'tgiveacrap attitude prevail. Nod and smile nod and smile.

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.

Tiger, I feel as if we're kindred spirits here. We're the same age, we've been nurses about the same length of time (I graduated 4 years ago), and I feel the same way you do right now. (Although you're a Clemson fan and I just don't get it :p)

I come home and just want everyone to stop WHINING. No one gets it. That's why I end up here so much. Everyone else thinks I do nothing at work because the patients sleep at night and since I'm paid "so much," I have all of this money to burn. Speaking of, the pigs are washed and ready to fly...

I am not in the ICU, but I feel your pain.

I love my job, but I feel like it takes not just my compassion, but all of my energy.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.

i make no apologies for not wanting to be a nurse in my time off. my husband (also an rn) is worse than i am. when i injured my back, i drove myself to all of my appointments and wasn't sure that he was going to drive me to the hospital when i had my surgery until half an hour before we left the house!

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