I use up all of my compassion at work.

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Specializes in NICU.

I hope I'm not the only one who has this problem. I work in the ICU and I give everything I have to my patients when I am at work. I comfort them, hold their hand, wipe their tears, tell them not to be afraid. Then I have to do this for their wife, brother, sister, mom, dad, and children. Not only do I have to do this for that patient, I have to walk over to the next room and do it for my other patient. I do not get overly attached to my patients. I leave work at work.

But... When I get home I have nothing left. I don't want to hear about my husbands bad day or about how he stumped his toe. I don't care if he has a headache or if he is hungry and wants me to make him a sandwich. I love my husband, I really do. But honestly nothing compares to what I have to deal with at work. I just want everyone else to suck it up. Because I have to. :cool:

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Very normal, the way you are feeling............it is called compassion burn out and nurses get it and I have had it myself. Take some time for yourself and let your husband know you want to listen to him, but just need a break (go for a run, read a book for an hour, take a warm bath, whatever.........). You have to take care of yourself! Hope that helps.

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Specializes in Oncology/Haemetology/HIV.

Sometimes in the words of the song, "My giveadam's busted".

Yes, it is fully understandable.

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Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

You are setting yourself up for compassion fatigue. I highly suggest that although you give to your patients, you must limit the sympathy, and pull from empathy.

You have to reserve something for your family, and most especially for you. I learned this 5 years into my practice and I'm glad I did.

I do not go over the line of my patients, and often, I am kind, but I do draw lines.

I do not get emotionally involved (children--well, that's different--I tend to get very attached--but if they have good support systems, I tend to draw the lines there too.)

You will burnout. It's the way of the ICU--unless you learn to separate yourself and not give ALL--some--but not ALL.

J

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Specializes in NICU.

Compassion burnout... it has a name.... interesting.

Thank you. I will research this.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

There's actually another name for it. . .Compassion Fatigue Syndrome.

Compassion fatigue syndrome (CFS) can be a serious problem for trauma workers, whether they're employed in emergency rooms, as relief workers, or counseling rape victims. For caregivers, whose work is often emotionally wrenching, a lessening of the compassion that brought them to that work can be a problem both for themselves and the people they are trying to help. It used to be called burnout, but now it's recognized as a serious syndrome.

Compassion Fatigue: A Danger for Workers in the Helping Professions

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You took the words right out of my mouth..."I just want everyone else to suck it up. Because I have to." Hugs to you. This is a unique profession isn't it? Some days I am so upset that I go and give complete strangers and their families my very best, and then come home and act like a cranky crab to my family. I always have to pray for God to refill my tank, because it would be very easy to become cynical and bitter and I do not want to be like that.

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Specializes in NICU.
You took the words right out of my mouth..."I just want everyone else to suck it up. Because I have to." Hugs to you. This is a unique profession isn't it? Some days I am so upset that I go and give complete strangers and their families my very best, and then come home and act like a cranky crab to my family. I always have to pray for God to refill my tank, because it would be very easy to become cynical and bitter and I do not want to be like that.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm so crabby when I get home.

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, educator.

Ah, yes...I think we all go thru that. And it is now worse because you have to suck up many things at work because of all the customer service stuff....some days I want to tell my families at work to stuff it, can't do that, so I go home and tell my own family to stuff it. As someone said before...unique profession we picked...we take care of others, but we really want someone to take care of us sometimes and not have to deal with their problems!

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Specializes in LTC, Home Health, Hospice.

Yes, such a unique profession. Even when not in uniform, were expected to be. We, as Nurses, of all level can and do suffer from "Compassion Fatigue Syndrome".

Last year, God told me to slow down, take care of my self 4 times. 4 major health issues developed, all related to stress. 4 times HE tried to get my attention, did I listen...no. Now, I am off work indefinitely due to a work related accident, I've had 2 surgeries and NO guarantee I'll be able to return to Nursing.

So, we MUST take care of our selves. We have to find a way to destress, re-energize. We need our families, and our families need us.

So, I go to the Beach and just sit and read my Bible. So comforting, uplifting, inspiring and challenging.

I also turn off my cell.

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Specializes in CVICU, ED.

Good topic!

I'm so glad I am not the only one who feels this way! As others have mentioned, I try to leave work at work. I do not want to come home and be a nurse to my family, friends, neighbors etc. Before I moved, my neighbor would come over and ask me questions/advice for everything! Her son fell while skateboarding, should she take him to the ER? She's having pain in her abdomen, blah, blah, blah. My husband c/o GI upset (of which the doctor has already informed him of what it is and what to do about it) but he insists she's wrong and "just a quack", then doesn't understand why he continues to have GI issues (perhaps because you are not following any of the recommendations the doctor provided including dietary changes??). Then he asks me what I think!! I reiterate that I think the doctor is correct and why. I finally got fed up one day and told him "I don't know; I'm not a GI nurse."

I feel bad too. I don't want to be a "sourpuss" at home but I don't want to purchase bandaids every week because one needs to be placed on every tiny scratch, or just pain that my daughter has (she's 8 years old). I don't want to blow off my husband but, just like at work, I have to question what active participation he has taken in his own care.

I feel like such a grinch!:mad:

Things that help me channel some of that frustration is reading, cooking, exercising, gardening, cleaning the house and coming here to allnurses!!:D I have also learned to better communicate that there are times and contexts in which talking shop is off limits.

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I really love all these response, I personally am going through a situation which is related to my personal life. I tend to be very compassiate and loving at work to Pts, their families and co-workers. The thing that makes me MAD is that: when I need compassion from my MRG/hospital I didnt get it. That really sucked. I will take all these advices thank you all.

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